Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

tattycath

When I first split with my ex it was difficult dropping the kids off at his when it was his turn to have them at Christmas. It was difficult the first year, but after that it got progressively easier. Now the kids are all grown up and want to spend every christmas with me.
You'll find kids take everything in their stride and are very resilient. The thought is often worse than the deed. I'm sure you'll cope very well TWM.
Merry Christmas and happy 2014.x

When_the_going_gets_tough

Well done on such a difficult year TWM. I am sure Christmas will get easier with time, as others have said. I would concentrate on getting the tenancy matter sorted with your ex first and only then pursue maintenance as the tenancy issue is more urgent and needs some co-operation from him. I know its horrible but perhaps in the New Year you can take steps to resolve it as I am sure it must be horrible having it hanging over you. Best wishes for 2014 x

LannieDuck

A thought about the tenancy - when you come to sorting it out, it might be worth posting on the housing board on here. They're really good about the legal side and what processes/forms needs to be followed/served etc for different situations. They'd be the ones who could tell you how easy/difficult it will be.

As for xmas - don't stress too much. Have a nice morning with DD doing the bits of xmas you both enjoy, whether that's lazing around in PJs or having a special breakfast with silly xmassy music etc.

NAR

TWM thank you for your kind wishes, I hope you and your daughter have a lovely festive season and look forward to an even better 2014.

The last 8 months have been an incredible journey for you and I for one am very proud of how much you have achieved in a short period of time.

What about a "chick flick" for Christmas Eve and special cuddles on the sofa?

Hope Christmas Day goes ok and you don't get too upset {HUGS}

tunathe_cat

xmas chocolate kisses to you and your daughter xx

Gigervamp

Merry Christmas TWM.

teawithmilk

Thank you for all your kind wishes! I am back at work today and just reflecting on how Christmas went for us.....

Christmas Eve was nice in the end.....I had picked up some reduced but v good quality cooked turkey from the local supermarket so decided to do a christmas type lunch on Christmas Eve (with all the veggies) instead! I called it our pretend Christmas dinner and DD loved it!

Then we watched some telly and had a party for the pets!

DD was so excited she didnt get to sleep until after midnight. I was so exhausted I was in danger of faling asleep and missing out on putting the presents under the tree but I forced myself to stay awake and do it. DD loved her Christmas day- we had cheese on toast (her choice!) for breakfast while she opened her presents. It was actually quite nice not to have the normal pressure of my ex being in a bad mood at having to get up early. I have has so many rubbishy and unhappy so called "family" christmasses with him that there was less pressure this year for it to be perfect. DD went to stay with him on Christmas day night and got a second lot of resents from him (which she has left at his house) so from her point of view she got extra pressies this year.

I managed to get the the sales with her on Boxing day. She had made it pretty clear to him that she wanted to go with me so he couldnt really refuse. But since then he has been a bit awkward about seeing her- demanding to see her whenever he wants to. We had a row (by text msg) last night because he had assumed she was with him last night but she wanted to stay with me. My phone was playing up and wasnt getting text messages properly. I had told DD to text her dad and let him know what was going on but she had obviously forgotten. Then he threw his toys out of the pram and said he wouldnt look after her at all during the day this week (thinking that this would mess me up becuase I am back to work and would have childcare problems) But I called his bluff and said that my boss was happy for her to come in to wrk with me as it was quiet....he then grdgingly changed his mind and said he would have her for the day today, after all! Then I said I would like to spend the whole day with her on New Years day as it is the only day off work that I have this week (he has whole week off) he said this would ruin his plans to go away and see his parents with her- up until this point he had never told me he wanted to go away with her- so I said I would give up seeing her on new years day if i could see her on Sat and Sun for the whole weekend before she went back to school. I got no reply to this so i think he was just trying to be awkward and "blame" me and use me as a scapegoat for her not getting to see her grandparents. Whenever he is awkward now I try and take a deep breath and be calm about things.

DD says she feels sorry for him because she says he has no money and has even had to sell his watch to get money. God knows what he has been saying to her. Then yesterday she told me he had bought a season ticket for his team (which is a bit pointless as he cant use it much anyway- he lives miles away from the home ground) so he can't be that skint...unless he is just telling her lies or she has got the wrong story.

He still hasn't mentioned any child support and I am determined now to manage on my own for the moment until I get the lease ont he house sorted out. Time has flown and it is nearly time for the Agency to be asking me what I am doing- remember back in August when I was in a panic??? seems like two minutes ago but the six month lease has gone so quickly.

Im so pleased that Christmas is now out of the way and its been a bit of a milestone for me- my first Christmas as a single mum- but I got through it and am loking forward to 2014 now....just hoping it can't be as turbulent as the last year!

kelpie35

So happy for you that you and DD had lovely Christmas morning.

You have achieved so much over this last year, you should be so proud of yourself.

I do hope for your sake that you can get the rented place sorted very quickly and without too much hassle for yourself.

I hope that you and DD can have a great new year and life becomes much kinder too you.

NAR

TWM so pleased Christmas went so well and certainly better than you expected by the sound of things.

When is ex due to pay you the balance of the rent? I think you should consider going to CSA shortly after - her upbringing is jointly his financial responsibility ( whether he likes it or not!).

teawithmilk

My ex pays me a set amount at the start of each month (he gets paid on the last day of the month I believe)

At first when we split up I had a terrible job getting him to pay me ANYTHING so for a couple of months I was out of pocket badly but for the past 2 months he has actually paid me the rent on time which is a relief because all my direct debits for both our houses go out within the first week of the month.

So what he pays me at the moment is: his rent, council tax, BT (phone and broadband), water and utilities. Nothing for DD. He has made me work it out to the exact penny, I'm assuming so he doesnt think I'm "ripping him off"...The utilities go out as a monthly direct debit from my account so Im worried that when he does leave the house I will have a big final bill for gas and electricity as he has had the heating on all winter and the house is always boiling hot. So I'm due a payment from him at the start of Jan which will cover his rent etc until the end of Feb and then one from him in Feb which will cover until the end of March- but the lease will be up by then.

So i need to let him know (yet again) that he needs to be thining about his accomodation arrangements. He wont be happy about this, although surely he cant expect me to just continue indefinately renting this house for him to live in??!!

He has had fair warning. I just know its going to be a huge battle and I'm so scared.