Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

triple_choc_chip

teawithmilk wrote: »

Triple Choc Chip- you have hit the nail on the head! Why should he do anything when he knows that I do everything for him. Yet instead of being even the slightest bit grateful he just resents everything.

He has a completely different perception to me though. He thinks that he was the perfect husband and tried really hard and that all the problems in the marriage were my fault...he genuinely thinks that he couldnt have done more for me. Which is why he is extremely angry with me. The last few times I have actually spoken to me he has been horrinble to me and said that he couldnt stand the sight of me and that he couldnt stand talking to me. He obviously hates me which makes things difficult. I dont hate him at all Im sad that it all came to this.

As if on cue, I have just logged into my e mails today and found a letter from the letting agency asking me to give two months notice or let them know if I want to renew the tenancy. The tenancy expires on 20th March.

I'm glad you recognised it. I just wanted to spotlight the situation from his perspective but have no doubt that I support you 100% via the Ethernet!

My ex is very similar, 8 years on and he still doesn't take any responsibility for the demise of our relationship, won't pay any maintenance and says that every consequence is my responsibility because I ended it. :mad: I hope you have more success than me.

My only other advice is to stop worrying about upsetting him. He's saying and writing horrid things about you anyway, you can't stop that or indeed make it any worse! He's rude because he has no respect so find the courage to do what needs to be done because not doing it won't make him any nicer IYSWIM. Good luck.

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

As if on cue, I have just logged into my e mails today and found a letter from the letting agency asking me to give two months notice or let them know if I want to renew the tenancy. The tenancy expires on 20th March.

Hi

It is vital that you do not give formal notice. If you do this and he fails to move out, you will have to pay double rent until he leaves.

Send him a text telling him that the EA wants to know what is happening in March.

Ask him if he has been to see them and ask about taking over the tenancy? If not advise him to do this within the next week.

If he does not confirm this has been done, you need to go in in the second weekend in January and let them know that you no longer live there. Ask them to give 2 months notice.

When_the_going_gets_tough

TWM you have some good advice here, I would go and seek some help about the tenancy unless you can quickly arrange for him to take it over in his own right. Gaining possession is a tricky business and you need to be sure that you are going about it in the right way.

NAR

RAS wrote: »

Send him a text telling him that the EA wants to know what is happening in March.

Ask him if he has been to see them and ask about taking over the tenancy? If not advise him to do this within the next week.

If he does not confirm this has been done, you need to go in in the second weekend in January and let them know that you no longer live there. Ask them to give 2 months notice.

TWM I think this is good advice. Tell Estate Agent/landlord that ex has been paying the rent to you every month and that you only agreed to the arrangement because of your daughter needing "normality." Hopefully they will allow him to take the lease under his own name

teawithmilk

Hello again! I am so excited (almost as much as I was when I got my new washing machine) because I finally have........BROADBAND!!!! I havent had access to the internet except at work for over 6 months.....

I was going to buy a new laptop for the house (ex has 3 computers but I couldn't ask him for one) for DD to use for homework etc but they don't come with software loaded anyway so that would have been extra expense. I just got my credit card bill for December- Yikes- Christmas was more expensive than I thought! I have enough to clear it but I must start being more careful with money now there are no birthday or celebrations for at least a few months.

So to save money I decided to try my mums old computer which is very old but was very high spec (my brother gave it to her to use for skype etc to our rellies in Australia) and I got a good deal on a contract with BT. I tried it today when the kit arrived and it connected up straightaway!!!!!! Tecchie stuff is always the thing that I relied on my ex to sort out and he made it sound SO complicated but I am so chuffed and proud that I have done it all on my own. It might sound daft but its a real achievement for me- he was so condescending when it came to IT stuff (as if he thought I would never have the brains to set anything technical up)

So now I also have a landline which makes me feel more "settled" and its one more step to making this place my own.

I e mailled ex on Monday telling him that the lease was up and that if he wanted to stay in the house he would have to contact letting agency ....I havent heard anything from him.

When_the_going_gets_tough

Well done on the techie stuff TWM you are clearly very capable! I would give your ex a deadline to respond then go and see your letting agency - this could take quite a while to sort out.

Angry_Bear

teawithmilk wrote: »

I was going to buy a new laptop for the house (ex has 3 computers but I couldn't ask him for one) for DD to use for homework etc but they don't come with software loaded anyway so that would have been extra expense.

What sort of software would you need? You would get Windows pre-loaded and most other softwares have pretty good free versions (proper free, not pirated), so unless you need or want something specific you can usually get by.

girlatplay

teawithmilk wrote: »

Hello again! I am so excited (almost as much as I was when I got my new washing machine) because I finally have........BROADBAND!!!! I havent had access to the internet except at work for over 6 months.....

...I tried it today when the kit arrived and it connected up straightaway!!!!!! Tecchie stuff is always the thing that I relied on my ex to sort out and he made it sound SO complicated but I am so chuffed and proud that I have done it all on my own. It might sound daft but its a real achievement for me- he was so condescending when it came to IT stuff (as if he thought I would never have the brains to set anything technical up)

That's great TWM!! It's amazing what one can actually do ones self when one has to. Thing is, now you have internet at home there is nothing you can't do. You have access to google and you tube, all the answers are there. I remember when I got my first computer at home, I had to practically shovel coal into the back of it to make it work, it was an old one made up of parts being thrown out by about 5 different people, but it became mine and I got internet. It was actually around that time that I discovered this site.

So pleased for you

NAR

Well done TWM, help will be always at hand on here now quickly and I'm sure DD will be delighted to have internet access at home.

kelpie35

Well done on getting your internet set up.

Hope this is the turning point for you and DD.

Have you made any more progress on the tenancy front?