Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

19lottie82

teawithmilk wrote: »

I now have my keys. I went round yesterday and had a massive feeling of panic/anti climax- the house looks really sorry for itself, it smelt really fusty, and the garden is smaller than I remember. I was so depressed that I had to leave and didnt even take DD round.

Don't worry, I was like this when I bought my flat.

I think most places are like this when we finally get the keys, cold, dusty and soulless!

Once you get it cleaned up, your furniture in and put your stamp on it you will feel a million times better I PROMISE!

And remember it's yours now, you can do whatever you like to it to make it better, and you don't need to ask a LL.

DigForVictory

Read, and couldn't stop.

All the very best with your new home, and all its quirks.

When DD gets that she can unpack & not worry about moving again, and that you'll aid & abet her in decorating her room how she wants it (within reason!) a good deal of heat will go.

Not all. Teenage girls are not saints. You have a lot on your plate & you have been going flat out for months - that week was desperately needed & will be a great foundation for starting getting the house into shape.

I don't blame you at all for anger issues - had I your soon-to-be-ex, mum heading onto expensive but needed care and the nervewracking changes you've achieved, I'd be pretty fragile.

Set DD the little tasks of watching freegle etc for furniture (and paint, and wallpaper, and curtains & bedding) she wants. One less thing for you to do and you can cheer on her successes (as you have to drive & help lug.) It isn't begging, it's intelligent recycling & likely she'll get things she wants & likes & that her friends will applaud & covet. (Don't let her Dad undermine her victories!)

All the very best with the house and your long & happy future there - which you are building, one success at a time!

tiger_eyes

You are an incredibly strong woman. How strong? You're forging bravely ahead through two of the most stressful events imaginable (separation & moving house) ... at the same time ... all by yourself! You're practically a superhero! You and your daughter will be just fine. Your house will be fine. Everything will be absolutely fine. I promise.

tayforth

((((((((HUGS)))))))))


You've been coping - just about - with a huge amount of stressful stuff recently.

• Buying your new house
• Letting agent coming round with viewers and poking through your stuff
• Having the lease on your old house hanging over you
• Your ex being a t.w.a.t
• Looking after your mum's affairs (and worrying about how to pay for it)
• Tension with your DD
• Extra responsibility at work

All this on top of the ongoing stress of the separation itself!

And still you're getting up every morning, going to work, being a mother, dealing with solicitors, letting agents, colleagues, social services, GPs, removal men - the list goes on and on.

BOTTOM LINE: not many people have so many things to cope with at once, so be very kind and gentle to yourself.

Tell your siblings that you need them to take over with regards to your mother until you get back on your feet in a couple of weeks or so. Your brother who 'makes sweeping statements' will have to get off his !!!! and help out.

Call the letting agency and tell them: no more viewings. You need to put yourself first at the minute like RAS says, and not allowing viewings is within the law. It's not as if you need references from them for the next rental!

Speak to your boss. Explain that you're doing your best, but that things are very stressful for you at the minute on a number of fronts, and ask for a little understanding. They won't hold it against you.

See your GP, tell them everything that you've told us and ask for help.

Have you got some leave for moving house? Any friends/family who could help? Many hands make light work.

The house will be amazing once you move in and decorate it to your tastes! I promise. Every time I move house, I always have a sense of dread and anti-climax as it's just an empty shell, but I always manage to make it nice pretty quickly. And just think - you don't have to move EVER AGAIN. :j

Your DD will not think you an abusive mother, I promise. My mum smacked me plenty of times and I think that she's the best mother in the world! When she knows that the new house is permanent, and you're both settled in, she'll relax. You both will.

tayforth

tiger_eyes wrote: »

You are an incredibly strong woman. How strong? You're forging bravely ahead through two of the most stressful events imaginable (separation & moving house) ... at the same time ... all by yourself! You're practically a superhero! You and your daughter will be just fine. Your house will be fine. Everything will be absolutely fine. I promise.

^^^ Well said! Wish I'd put it so succintly. :rotfl:

p.s. don't worry about the RM shares, I didn't buy them either - and anyway, they might fall!

teawithmilk

Im sorry! I have re-read again what I had put this morning and I am totally ashamed that I come across as a self pitying self absorbed spoilt cow worried about some colleagues showing off about making a quick buck! what have we come to as a society where making a quick bit of money and being seen as "smart" and getting one up on the rest of society is so important to us (me included). Im ashamed I got caught up in it now and that I was feeling so envious.

Im bloody lucky Ive managed to get this house even if its not perfect, have a roof over my head, heat and have food on the table. And a gorgeous little girl.

Thanks again. xx

paulineb_2

Errata wrote: »

The damage is indeed done, and she'll tell her dad all about it and tell her dad you're moving into a house that you've bought and it's making her unhappy. There may be quite a bit of fallout from all that.

No its not, even the best parent in the world can lose the plot and smack their child. So what if she tells the dad? Its not the dad who has the child all the time and is dealing with most of the fallout from the split.

And the child will settle in the new house eventually, shes also been through the mill lately.

If the dad cant give the mum support and it seems he isnt, hes also partly to blame for this whole situation and the fact that the child is unsettled.

tayforth

teawithmilk wrote: »

Im sorry! I have re-read again what I had put this morning and I am totally ashamed that I come across as a self pitying self absorbed spoilt cow worried about some colleagues showing off about making a quick buck! what have we come to as a society where making a quick bit of money and being seen as "smart" and getting one up on the rest of society is so important to us (me included). Im ashamed I got caught up in it now and that I was feeling so envious.

Im bloody lucky Ive managed to get this house even if its not perfect, have a roof over my head, heat and have food on the table. And a gorgeous little girl.

Thanks again. xx

Don't apologise! You didn't come across that way at all. It's completely understandable to feel that way. If anything, it's your colleagues who should feel ashamed of 'crowing' about money.

You were only thinking of what a bit of extra money could have paid for e.g. fees or new furniture. I think that you are a wonderful person and an amazing mother, you want nothing more than to create a secure, peaceful home for yourself and your daughter and you work so hard to achieve it. :A

paulineb_2

Also, I suffered badly from anxiety last year, had a hell of a 2012 and just as I was getting back on my feet hit massive issues at work. I took anti depressants for 6 months and they helped massively.

Treevo

teawithmilk wrote: »

Im sorry! I have re-read again what I had put this morning and I am totally ashamed that I come across as a self pitying self absorbed spoilt cow worried about some colleagues showing off about making a quick buck! what have we come to as a society where making a quick bit of money and being seen as "smart" and getting one up on the rest of society is so important to us (me included). Im ashamed I got caught up in it now and that I was feeling so envious.

Im bloody lucky Ive managed to get this house even if its not perfect, have a roof over my head, heat and have food on the table. And a gorgeous little girl.

Thanks again. xx

Buying a house and going through a divorce are the most stressful things you can do - so there's really no need to apologise.

I do think your anger about those who bought Royal Mail shares is misplaced - you too could've bought if you weren't continuing to support your lazy ex, so be angry at him not us!