Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Errata

Sounds like you need to prioritise, which may mean that some things won't get done. Leave your siblings to manange any problems that crop up with your mum for the next week; concentrate on work during work hours; removal packing and phone calls done in the evening; draw up a to do list for everything with a timeline. and stick to it.
Perhaps most importantly of all, tell your daughter today she's moving house on Friday - don't leave that life changing news for her for the night before you move. And if you're tempted to smack her badly again - walk away until you've cooled down.

RAS

twm

You have too much going on at the moment. You have got to let go.

Starting point; tell your siblings to pick up the can with mum for the next three weeks. Sorry but your job is a prioirity.

Then tell the EA to remove the for sale sign this week.

You need to let DD know they you are moving to a less nice house but that it is closer to school. Point out that it needs a good clean and re-decorating but that she will be able to choose her own paint colour etc. And you will not be moving again for ages.

Tell the EA for the current house no more visits because you need to clean both house and move stuff (and I seem to recall you promised ex to remove all the stuff from the old house by the end of the month)?

teawithmilk

Thanks. I have had another cup of coffee and the caffine is kicking in now! dont know if thats a good thing to be drinking stimulants maybe I need some calms instead.

Just re-read what I wrote and I do sound like I am losing the plot....I can't even type rationally or spell anymore!

I have a big work presentation to do tomorrow to 80 strangers so can't get out of that but I am taking Friday off to move the big stuff so may grab a bit of relax time in the afternoon once thats done.

I'm thinking so irrationally at the moment- all the people I work with have bought RM shares and they are boasting about it non-stop this morning (very loudly!). I, of course, didnt have time to even think about buying shares as my mind was on other things (even though I would have liked to with my tiny bit of spare cash I have left) so I'm even beating myself up about that. Its so irrelevant- so what if I missed out, so why am I focussing in on this small thing as if I have missed out- its not like I have ever bought shares before?????? totally stupid of me and I know I shouldnt be doing it but can't help if if that makes sense.

I've explained to DD that its not as smart a house- I was explaining to her that I could never afford the mortgage on our current rented house as it is 80k more expensive than the bank would ever lend me!!...Im glad that a for sale sign has gone up as it makes explaining why we are moving easier as I can honestly say to DD that the landlord is selling the house. She is just a bit peed off as she has got used to going to that bus stop and walking home with her friend from school who lives in the next street...she wont like the change of bus stop but I could poss drop her off there on a morning if she particularly likes that stop where all her mates get on. There are no EA visits this week planned (yet) and if they phone me I will say im busy and they can't come- Im handing the keys back next week anyway.

My sister is helping me with my mum- my sis is as stressed as me as she has a family and works as a teacher but my two brothers are a bit useless- one is abroad so thats fair enough but the other just makes sweeping statements about what we should be doing.

Mums savings should cover her care for a few years...we would far rather she spend it on looking after herself in a decent place than struggle on with little or no support in her flat so she is lucky in that respect to have some savings but if the money runs out the LA only cover two thirds of the cost (its £678 per week!) so we would have to find the rest.

I do need temper management. I tried to walk away this morning but she was pulling faces at me- which just made me lose my rag completely. I did apologise to her but the damage is done- I cant take back what I did, even if she was being a little brat it wasnt justified. You are right I need to stand back and calm down, especially with her.

Things with ex are still bad- bumped into him in the local supermarket last night and he didnt even say hello to me, he hugged DD as she ran up to him but he didnt say a word to me. I had to ask him to help me the other evening as I had to go meet my sister and brother for a family meeting about mum and needed to drop off DD with him for an hour or so. I felt awful about having to explain to him about what was happening to mum- he didnt even ask how she was or how I was doing. I shouldnt have told him really but I just found myself babbling it all out. I made the mistake of mentioning some of the crazy behaviour my mum has been doing (like going into other residents rooms as she thinks its her own house that she lived in years ago) and he just started laughing. So I ended up in tears and DD had a go at him for being horrible to grandma.

I do so much appreciate all your comments and help on here- its the only thing keeping me from losing the plot completely today xx

Errata

I do need temper management. I tried to walk away this morning but she was pulling faces at me- which just made me lose my rag completely. I did apologise to her but the damage is done- I cant take back what I did, even if she was being a little brat it wasnt justified. You are right I need to stand back and calm down, especially with her.

The damage is indeed done, and she'll tell her dad all about it and tell her dad you're moving into a house that you've bought and it's making her unhappy. There may be quite a bit of fallout from all that.

teawithmilk

yes ive tried to micro manage everything and make life better for myself (and DD) as usual its all crashing down.

Just makes me feel like there was no point in the first place.

Got to snap out of this self pitying mood.

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

Mums savings should cover her care for a few years...we would far rather she spend it on looking after herself in a decent place than struggle on with little or no support in her flat so she is lucky in that respect to have some savings but if the money runs out the LA only cover two thirds of the cost (its £678 per week!) so we would have to find the rest.

Don't worry about this just yet - but when you're settled in your new home, contact the Alzheimers's Society (https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/) or AgeUk (https://www.ageuk.org.uk/) for help.

There are two possibilities - NHS funding http://alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=399
or using the argument that moving your mother to a cheaper home will adversely affect her health and well-being and that the council should pay the full rate for the home she is in.

LannieDuck

It sounds as if you have a plan.

Put your Mum's arrangements on pause for the rest of the week - they'll wait until Monday if they have to. Concentrate on work Weds - Thurs. Move stuff on Friday, settle in over weekend. Maybe take Monday off?

Can you give your brother one specific thing to sort out and leave him to get on with it?

Don't worry about the care home fees yet. That's some time away and you have plenty on your plate without that for now...

Ignore Royal Mail. I didn't do it either because it was a bit of a gamble and I don't want to risk money atm. Remember Facebook shares? I wonder if any of your colleagues bought those too. Of course you'll only hear about the success stories!

Gigervamp

Don't beat yourself up about the smack. I got the occasional smack when I was being naughty but I don't remember any specific instances and I've never thought I was abused.

I'm sure DD will get over the move once you're settled in. She can have fun choosing the decor for her new room.

teawithmilk

Thanks Lannieduck, thats the least of my worries at the moment...but they are all so SMUG!!! I was just thinking, just my luck I could've done with a bit of good fortune... that would have paid for my removal costs and some new curtains and blinds (none left in the house by the vendors!)

Once im all settled and have time to breathe I can start thinking about saving up bit by bit, without the worry of him spending any money on frivolities that I put aside. DD informed me she is getting his old iphone as he has treated himself to a new iphone5 ...I dont have a smartphone just a cheapo £20 payg!!!

Ellidee

Errata wrote: »

The damage is indeed done, and she'll tell her dad all about it and tell her dad you're moving into a house that you've bought and it's making her unhappy. There may be quite a bit of fallout from all that.

Errata whilst what you say may be true it's not very helpful to twm to say it when she is feeling so bad anyway ! :mad:

Shuffles off to re-lurk ................