Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

sallysaver

Hi,
As a now 'retired' Estate Agent, can I please, please urge you to view the property again before the contracts are exchanged.
Make sure the items that are included in the sale are just that and are on the contract. You are doing nothing wrong by viewing again. I have seen great disappointment over the years with buyers who haven't viewed the property before exchange thinking everything will be OK and they weren't.
Incidentally, I think you have been remarkable throughout this episode in your life and can only wish you all the best and more in your new life. Sally
PS. I'd definitely be going with the removal van for my nice, comfy bed!!!!!!

teawithmilk

Thanks everyone, well my decree nisi was waiting for me in the post when I got home last night. I should have felt relieved but I felt so sad- an A4 sheet of paper which basically means its all over, except for the technicalilty of the decree absolute.

The judge had awarded costs to me- i.e. I could persue my ex (how wierd does that sound!!) for the costs of the divorce but I think its pointless- my solicitor agrees that given his financial and debt situation it could cost me a fortune in chasing it. And it would just get his back up even more. Ive paid out the money, its gone so I wasnt expecting or budgeting for getting it back. Im going to concentrate on getting him to contribute a fair and reasonable amount towards DD instead in the next few months.

I woke up in a cold sweat at 4am- I'd had a dream that he had met someone who was the complete physical opposite of me- also very pretty, and a rich famous author (where the heck did that come from!) and in my dream they were trying to get DD to go live with them. It must be preying on my mind!

I bumped into him in the local supermarket when I was shopping for dinner with DD....the first thing he said was could she go back with him to his house to have dinner but I put my foot down and said No. I usually just give in and let him do what he wants but then that leads to me having to run round and make adjustments to my plans. So I stuck to my guns and sais no, I had planned her dinner already, and he just walked off in a strop. I asked him at the bread aisle why he wasnt being civil and he said "Juat pretend im not here" so I thought, right OK I will! and ignored him and got on with my shopping, It was a bit surreal though bumping into him, almost like seeing a stranger, not the man I had lived with for 15 years.

Feel a bit better now Im in the normality of my office.

paulineb_2

You should be proud of how far youve come, youve managed to escape an abusive relationship, lots of people dont.

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

I bumped into him in the local supermarket when I was shopping for dinner with DD....the first thing he said was could she go back with him to his house to have dinner but I put my foot down and said No.

I usually just give in and let him do what he wants but then that leads to me having to run round and make adjustments to my plans. So I stuck to my guns and sais no, I had planned her dinner already, and he just walked off in a strop.

I asked him at the bread aisle why he wasnt being civil and he said "Juat pretend im not here" so I thought, right OK I will! and ignored him and got on with my shopping, It was a bit surreal though bumping into him, almost like seeing a stranger, not the man I had lived with for 15 years.

You have been so strong and made amazing changes to your life. :T:T

Well done for not changing your plans on his demand - next time stop at that point. How he's feeling or why he's behaving in a certain way isn't your problem any more.

NAR

Good for you TWM, no more the doormat to be walked over!

Your reactions to the divorce papers are natural, but you will move on with your life quite soon.

Tonight change the dream to the hunk of a man you meet and marry, who treats you the way you deserve to be treated!

teawithmilk

Thanks everyone for the moral support! my best friend is away on holiday abroad for two weeks and with all the hassle with my mum I havent really any family to turn to who arent incredibly stressed themselves (if that makes sense)

Oh, and this morning on the way to work I also handed in notice on the little rented house I am in at the moment as the AST is up in October. So if my house purchase doesnt come off I will be homeless to boot!

DD got upset the other day when I said we would be moving again...she likes the little house we are in at the moment and I could have happily stayed there renting if I had to but I would rather get a house that DD and I will own....our peace and quiet cottage! (well, semi detatched)

So Im expecting a lot of calls from the letting agency over the next week as they will want to start letting people view the house to rent....

CH27

Well done for being strong with him TWM

carefullycautious

I would not tell her you have purchased it yet as I would not put it past him if he finds out to cause you further problems.

If he decides to not pay his rent you could be chased for it as your name is on the tenancy. That was a very big mistake that you made in extending the lease. You could end up paying mortgage and rent. I would just let him think you are still renting

I hope I am wrong but he sounds like someone who could make your life a misery

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the moral support! my best friend is away on holiday abroad for two weeks and with all the hassle with my mum I havent really any family to turn to who arent incredibly stressed themselves (if that makes sense)

Oh, and this morning on the way to work I also handed in notice on the little rented house I am in at the moment as the AST is up in October. So if my house purchase doesnt come off I will be homeless to boot!

DD got upset the other day when I said we would be moving again...she likes the little house we are in at the moment and I could have happily stayed there renting if I had to but I would rather get a house that DD and I will own....our peace and quiet cottage! (well, semi detatched)

So Im expecting a lot of calls from the letting agency over the next week as they will want to start letting people view the house to rent....

Have you actually exchanged contracts yet?

If not this was a risky strategy. Not least as in England and Wales you do not need to give notice to end a fixed term contract. As long as you are out of the door by 12 midnight that is all that matters.

You could have allowed the contract to roll over to periodic and given notice as soon as you exchanged.

Think you need to speak to your solicitor re completion dates urgently.

teawithmilk

All signed documents and deposit money are with my solicitor now ready for exchange- I spoke to the estate agent and she said it is all on track for the completion date - which is 17 more sleeps away!!!:j

I know its a risk handing in notice on my rented property but I didnt want to "P" off the letting agency or my landlord- they have done nothing wrong and I dont want to risk issues with getting my bond back, which I'm hoping will cover the cost of a new washer and a bit towards my emergency fund.

I have to balance the risk of exchanging too soon and being committed to buying (if he somehow puts a spanner in the works last minute) against being homeless- I would never be homeless as my familiy would put me up and id just have to bung everything into storage so I wouldnt be out on the streets.

Unfortunately everything seems risky at the moment.Wherever I turn there are possible hazards.

soon to be ex phoned me last night to have a complain about some things- he only EVER speaks to me now when he wants something/wants a favour/or something has gone wrong and he either wants my help or to moan to someone. Im starting to dread when I see his mobile number come up on my phone. Last night he was moaning because he had left a valuable bike in the garage which was unlocked (lock is broken) and it has gone missing. He wanted ME to phone the landlord to demand to know if the landlord had taken it. We are not even supposed to use the garage (its not part of the tenancy agreement) so that would have dropped me in it anyway- as if the landlord would own up to taking a bike from a garage that we werent supposed to occupy anyway! Chances are its been taken by an opportunistic thief. Then he asked me if I had contents insurance on HIS house and got mad when I said I had let it lapse! So I told him to get his own contents insurance and I will avoid answering the phone to him for the forseeable future- if he wants to communicate by text then thats fine by me, I cant stand his wingeing anymore. he complains when DD isnt enthusiastic about seeing him, like thats my fault too...