Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

carefullycautious

Hope everything is going ok for you and your daughter

Stay strong

teawithmilk

Hello! just back at work today after my break last week. We had a great time- I was so pleased the weather was beautiful and DD had a lovely time. Spent WAAAY too much in nice shops and on ice creams and even splashed out on new clothes but Im going to have a frugal September to make up for it...as I may not be able to afford any treats or breaks away until next summer now.

I was just so proud of myself of being able to manage it all on my own, booking the hotel, getting the car sorted, looking after DD and keeping her amused and happy all week on my own. I knew deep down I could do it, but we ended up having a really nice time, just the two of us, being able to do whatever WE wanted instead of being ordered around by ex husband ...in the past he has always managed all holidays...ie the booking and organisation so I was a bit worried I would be rubbish at it but it seemed to work out really well- no disasters, just really laid back and relaxing, doing girly things and a lot of shopping round all the little craft shops and trinket shops!!

Just back to reality now as the schools are back next week and that will be good as DD will settle into a new routine.

Havent heard anything about how the divorce is going.....

neneromanova

Glad to hear you had a good holiday Always nice to recharge the batteries

How are things going with getting your EX out the rented property?

NAR

TWM so glad you and your daughter had a lovely relaxed holiday - I'm sure it has done you both a power of good to be away together.

stripey1969

Sounds like it's been a bit of a boost to your confidence. It always helps to realise when you actually have more fun without someone, doesn't it?

lulu650

how are things going teawithmilk??

teawithmilk

Hello all, sorry its been a while since I updated. I've been very busy at work since being on holiday and was also wanting to come back with positive news rather than negative!

Firstly I have to be honest with you all and not lie- I have renewed the lease on my ex's behalf. Yes I know this was a decision I should not have made but there was all sorts of pressure on me to do it. Mainly from DD and also I still have a lot of my stuff at his house (in the loft ) I know thats a poor excuse but I didnt have anywhere to store it and I was just not emotionally ready to have a battle with him just at a time when DD was starting high school and I was also going through all the process of the divorce and buying the house. So please dont beat me up about it too much. I know this will probably come back and bite me on the bottom when something goes wrong but I just felt I had to do it at the time. The new lease now has exactly 6 months to run and I have made it perfectly clear to him that I will not be renewing it again and he has 6 months to get himself sorted. Ive also told him that I will have everything that belongs to me out of the house by the end of the school hols in October. He has paid me three months rent upfront (he said that was all he could afford) so that covers up to the end of the year.

He is still being stupid about loads of things, including giving me any child support. He gave me £100 in cash last month which he said was towards school lunches for DD but I think he is assuming this will also last until the end of the year!

I dont want to fight with him too much at the moment as I have had the contract through to exchange on the house I want to buy! My theory is that once my savings are tied up in that house it will be much more difficult to demand half of them as it will basically be taking the roof off DDs head. I dont think he would have the energy/motivation to fight me on that one....hopefully.

So im looking forward to October, which is when I complete on the house. It means moving yet again and DD is not happy about it (she doesnt know yet Im buying the house as Im worried she would tell her Dad)

Other than that Im still very tired. My decree nisi was supposed to come through last week but I havent heard anything from the solicitor. Still feel depressed about the whole thing.....but Im looking forward to being in a place of my own soon!

kelpie35

TWM you are the only person who really knows the full situation you are in and we have no right to judge your decisions we can only say what we would do if we were in your position.

I hope the house sale goes ahead without any problems and that you and your DD will be very happy and feel secure in your new home.

Please take care x

Brighton_belle

It sounds like you are taking the decisions you need to take OP. Only you know all the info and stresses and strains.
And I can see the benefits in paying the lease - you've been able to give him 6 full months notice and pacify your DD. By the time 6 months is up, you'll hopefully be settled in your new home, DD will have had time to settle in school and the divorce will be through and it will hopefully feel there is less to jeopardise, which mean much less stress for you.
What's really great is you clearly have not had second thoughts about progressing with the split.

Sound like a good idea re not telling daughter re buying the house (although honesty with kids is generally the best policy, I can't see she needs to know that level of detail vs stress ,fear of ex screwing it all up her being piggy in the middle with info) - once you've signed and sealed, then you are 'safe' and she is kept safe from having to hide things from her dad. Also, you can then tell her this is the final move.

teawithmilk

Thanks. I think that him having to pay full rent and utilities has really been a culture shock for him. I hope this has finally made him realise how he needs to be financially responsible- but I doubt it.

As soon as I am safe in the new house I can step things up and ask him for some proper child maintenance. I know its another house move for DD (she has lived in 10 different houses since she was born and she is only 11!) but the whole point of this move is that it should be somewhere that she and I can enjoy and relax in for a good few years without the hassle of moving again or landlords inspections or lease renewals. I know the bank will own it until I can pay the mortgage off but it will still feel a bit more secure for me than a six month lease. Just hope there are no neighbour problems- that would be a nightmare when I have invested so much emotionally in this house!!!!

DD was asking me a lot of questions about money last week- I think that she has realised that money will be a lot tighter now I am on my own and now the summer and holidays are over. She even said "we will not have as much money to spend now Daddys not paying half the rent" ...she got a bit upset after that and was muttering that I shouldnt have left...but what can I say to her? That I should stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of half the rent being paid by him?? I did get a bit cross with her (secretly) after she had said that because she has no idea how hard the decision to leave him was. Even I selfishly thought about the finances prior to leaving him and for a short while wondered if I should stay so we would have more disposable cash as a family, it was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that ALL my wage now will be going on just basic living costs with nothing to spare for treats but that would have just been daft and soul destroying for me. I hope she realises when she is old enough to understand.