Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Mojisola

MakeupAddict wrote: »

An awful lot of kids would be with you on that one! But in this case it was the daughter who instigated the promise, so for whatever reason it matters to her - and the promise has already been made. Given that she is already feeling vulnerable, overriding her (even with the best of intentions) doesn't seem like a good idea.

100% agree with this.

Like her Mum, the daughter needs to feel that she has some control over some bits of her life. Helping to build the furniture and arrange it in the room will do this.

Mum breaking a promise certainly won't!

teawithmilk

I'll leave it where it is then... I dont want her to get too cosy in this house as fingers crossed we will be moving to the other house Im buying soon, I really bought the furniture with the other house in mind as her bedroom in that house will be much bigger. Shes a cheeky wee thing- she said children should get given the biggest bedrooms in the house because they have the most stuff! I suppose that does make sense actually! 11yr old logic. Im so please because the other day she said she felt "safe" in this little house that we are renting- thats her codeword for saying that she feels secure and happy.

Just have to pay the balance on the holiday hotel now and then all my big spends are done (apart from the divorce!)

Im still proud that I have been able to do this without getting into debt (yet) but I'll have no emergency fund for the first few months....and Im not even thinking about what happens if he demands money off me as part of a divorce settlement...hopefully by that point any money I have left will be tied up in house deposit.

neneromanova

You sound like you're coping really well Tea. I'm glad to see that

I just hope the week your ex is away goes smoothly. I'd personally be tempted to find out if you can change the locks while he is out so you have him out the property and not have to worry about when the time comes to chuck him out of it if he doesn't go peacefully. But I don't know the legal side of those things. Sorry.

Good luck with everything though

girlatplay

Just coming in to reaffirm (I know you have already said you won't), don't break a pinky promise. It is very important to them.

Just think, once you are in the new house and the old old (husband) house is gone you will have loadsadosh! You will only have one household to pay for, one set of bills! You will have an emergency fund in no time.

teawithmilk

Unfotunately I wish I was going to have loadsadosh! but I will be having to be very careful with money and have done a massive spreadsheet to work out the household expenses I have extra stuff to pay for now she is at high school like bus fares and school lunches but I will get by every month!!

girlatplay

Remember, if you are entitled to tax credits, claim them. You are a single/lone parent now. The extra stuff you have to pay for can come out of the money you will be saving by not paying husband's living expenses.

ecgirl07

Regarding the furniture I'd be tempted to keep it boxed and unmade up until you move into the house you are buying. Furniture you have to make up does not tend to like being moved once its made up. Long term it would last longer.

RAS

How goes teawithmilk?

neneromanova

How are you doing Teawithmilk?

teawithmilk

Im still here! Just been extremely busy and also took a week off work to be with DD and do some nice day trips out. I havent got internet access at the rented house Im in so can only really get on the internet when Im at work. I Had a horrible miserable week at the start of the school hols when husband took DD away......I didnt realise how much I would miss her.

Solicitor contacted me to say that he hadnt returned the divorce petition and I was worried that I would have to get someone to serve it on him in person- not only would that make him more angry but would also cost me even more money. But today i got confirmation that he has returned the documents to the curt so the next stage (not sure what that is!) can proceed.

Im feeling really down at the moment. It has finally sunk into me that it is going ahead and I might not be married to him in a few months time! Im feeling really depressed, I know this might be normal to feel this way but it still hurts a lot, I do still care about him and I just can't wipe away 20 years of a relationship with him, even if he hates me now (which he does) he keeps saying its all my fault and that I'm sneaky and devious ...which should convince me that he hasnt changed one bit and that he cant see two sides to this, but I can't stop feeling so very sad about it all. Im so tired and I cant even get the energy to argue with him about the lease on the house which he is living in. He wants me to renew it (in my name) for him for 6 months and I just feel like doing it for an easy life. I know its wrong and everyone is screaming at me not to do it but Im feeling so weak I just can't fight with him over it.

Just feel like a weak stupid woman.