Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

LannieDuck

How's it going Tea?

neneromanova

How is everything going Tea?

teawithmilk

I've just been so busy over last week with end of school stuff....buying a dress for DD for this end of school party she had, shoes etc- all more money spent!

I did go over to the other house and mowed the lawn as my boss was a star and let everyone finish early last Friday as it was such beautiful weather. It only took me 20 mins and it will make my life easier when I come to hand back the keys in September...if it had got too long it would have been a nightmare to mow.. He never even mentioned to me (even by text) that I had done it so maybe he hasnt even noticed.

DD was ill at the weekend- she was staying overnight at his on Friday so by the time I picked her up on Saturday afternoon she was feeling quite unwell with this wierd virus she has caught. Took her to chemists who recommended I goto drop in medical centre at the other side of the City-which I did and doctor was able to give me advice- I love the NHS they can be brilliant at times! .... no way could he have done that with her easily as he doesnt drive so it just proves to me YET again that she needs to be with me as PWC....plus he hadnt bothered to take her to chemists earlier in the day. She is much better now, but she always wants me when she is ill! I dont mind, I love caring for her...but I think she instinctively knows that I am better at dealing with things when she is ill.

We have an uneasy communication going by text message now- Im comfortable with this and have come to terms with him not wanting to speak face to face. He is taking her away on holiday to see his family next week.

I have reminded him he needs to be out of the house asap- he hasnt replied. I will use the week he is away out of the house to get in there and move the rest of my important belongings out and chuck away as much as I can. I feel i cant touch any of his belongings yet but I will throw away any joint junk items.

Im just dealing with things day to day really. Im feeling a little bit more relaxed, trying to deal with each crisis and issue when it arises rather than worrying about whats coming up, maybe this nice weather has cheered me up!

DD seems really happy and settled now in this little house we are renting..fingers crossed she has stopped going on about us all geting back together as a family....I have spent a load of money (got to watch I dont get into debt!!) buying bits and pieces to make it more comfortable and splashed out on some beautiful bedroom furniture for DD - it was a third of its original price, an absolute bargain for the quality but still expensive- but I figured it would fit nicely into the new house. Its really grown up and lovely (cream wood) so it will do her until she leaves home and beyond if she goes to Uni/gets her own place it is such good quality.

So for the next couple of weeks I just have to try and rein in spending money and crack on tidying and throwing junk away. I won't spend much next week if she is away so I will try and keep things cheap to make up for what I have spent this week. Got the holiday to pay for yet!

Im just waiting until my solicitor gets back from holiday to see what the next stage is, if he has returned the divorce forms (I darent ask him)

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

We have an uneasy communication going by text message now- Im comfortable with this and have come to terms with him not wanting to speak face to face. He is taking her away on holiday to see his family next week.

In Scotland?

I thought they had a cottage in the Peak District booked?

teawithmilk

They are all meeting up at the holiday cottage as it sleeps 6- so they are coming down to stay. DD hasnt seen her other granny for a long time...I used to be the one to push/encourage him to keep in touch wth his side of the family and drive us all up to Scotland. Im glad she is seeing his folks- they are nice poeple- and she shouldnt be penalised for us splitting up. Nor should his mum not get to see her SGD - she rarely gets to see her because he cant be bothered.

RAS

Does DD have a phone?

Gigervamp

I know you said you don't want to touch his stuff, but I'd be tempted to box it up when he's away. Just leave out things he'd need for daily living.

I get the feeling that he's still ignoring the fact that he's going to have to move out shortly and I can see his stuff still being unpacked and him having no alternative accomodation lined up when the lease ends.

If his stuff is boxed up, it'll be a much easier matter to get it out of the house.

teawithmilk

she does have a phone but she never keeps it switched on and hasnt put credit on it recently Im such a luddite I dont even know how to top it up. I was thinking of lending her my contract phone and telling her to keep it charged up. I'll make it clear that its really important to do so. I'm one step ahead of him and I am aware of the risk of letting him take her on holiday- I know I cant refuse to let her go as there is nothing on the surface to suggest that they are going to do a runner back to Scotland with her.

Honestly his mum is really lovely, I have known her 20 yrs and she would never allow him to take her away. DD is due to attend one of the best schools in the County in september and he would be crazy to jeapodise that.

I have spent many sleepless nights in the early hours worrying about it.

to be honest I dont think he could be bothered having her full time. Take the weekend for example- it was too much hassle for him to even take her to the chemists. He said it was her fault and made excuses she was refusing to go out and put her shoes on but there are ways and means of getting a child out of the house....for something like that where they are ill and its urgent I'd pick her up and carry her out the door if necessary- even if she is 11! and then I could deal with the tantrums and reason with her after the important stuff is sorted.

LannieDuck

Glad you're ok tea, even if you're busy!

From all you've written, I think the holiday will be fine, and hopefully help to demonstrate to his family that you're being reasonable about access etc.

NAR

Well done TWM you are doing things one step at a time, which in my view is the best way. Getting the house cleared next week of your goods will be a massive step towards handing the house over to the landlord; at least you won't have to do a scrambled clearout at end of August.

I'm sure DD will have a lovely holiday with her Gran. Wonder has he told her about the divorce yet? Maybe she can talk some sense into him.

If he hasn't signed and returned the petition don't be concerned, there are other avenues your solicitor can pursue, but wait on her contacting you as she will have a backlog of work after her holiday.