Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

tattycath

Please don't give in re. The house rental. If he wants to rent the house let him sort it out in his name. Are you still paying for it too? Don't be a mug, he's a grown man and needs to learn to be independent, you can't hold his hand for ever.
I was with my ex for 10 years and 13 years on, I still care about him-I am very happily married but my ex is the father of my children so there will always be an element of care there despite everything.
Try to keep your chin up Hun. You are going through a normal transition period-things will improve for you-you're starting a brand new chapter for you and DD.:)

girlatplay

NO! NO! NO! DON'T DO IT!!! (another screamer here, although that could be construed as shouting, sorry). If you do that then this will drag on another 6 months. He will still have a hold over you. You will be worrying all over again in 6 months time as to whether you should end the lease or he might have asked you to do it again for another 6. The circle will never end. You don't have to fight, just say no. No fighting, no arguing, just no. You don't have to give reasons. No.

Of course you are going to be hurting. It is 20 years of your life that you are closing a chapter on. It will get better though. Stick it out. You are not a weak, stupid woman. You would be more that if you had stayed (I was, then I got wise). He has sent the papers back so you are one more step in the right direction. Read back through your thread here. Remind yourself of the reasons you are doing this. Don't give in to him again.

((((((big cyber hugs))))))

paulineb_2

teawithmilk wrote: »

Im still here! Just been extremely busy and also took a week off work to be with DD and do some nice day trips out. I havent got internet access at the rented house Im in so can only really get on the internet when Im at work. I Had a horrible miserable week at the start of the school hols when husband took DD away......I didnt realise how much I would miss her.

Solicitor contacted me to say that he hadnt returned the divorce petition and I was worried that I would have to get someone to serve it on him in person- not only would that make him more angry but would also cost me even more money. But today i got confirmation that he has returned the documents to the curt so the next stage (not sure what that is!) can proceed.

Im feeling really down at the moment. It has finally sunk into me that it is going ahead and I might not be married to him in a few months time! Im feeling really depressed, I know this might be normal to feel this way but it still hurts a lot, I do still care about him and I just can't wipe away 20 years of a relationship with him, even if he hates me now (which he does) he keeps saying its all my fault and that I'm sneaky and devious ...which should convince me that he hasnt changed one bit and that he cant see two sides to this, but I can't stop feeling so very sad about it all. Im so tired and I cant even get the energy to argue with him about the lease on the house which he is living in. He wants me to renew it (in my name) for him for 6 months and I just feel like doing it for an easy life. I know its wrong and everyone is screaming at me not to do it but Im feeling so weak I just can't fight with him over it.

Just feel like a weak stupid woman.

Why should you renew it for an easy life? Let him sort out his own living acommodation

What happens if he trashes it or runs up debt? Who would be liable?

You would.

paulineb_2

teawithmilk wrote: »

Im still here! Just been extremely busy and also took a week off work to be with DD and do some nice day trips out. I havent got internet access at the rented house Im in so can only really get on the internet when Im at work. I Had a horrible miserable week at the start of the school hols when husband took DD away......I didnt realise how much I would miss her.

Solicitor contacted me to say that he hadnt returned the divorce petition and I was worried that I would have to get someone to serve it on him in person- not only would that make him more angry but would also cost me even more money. But today i got confirmation that he has returned the documents to the curt so the next stage (not sure what that is!) can proceed.

Im feeling really down at the moment. It has finally sunk into me that it is going ahead and I might not be married to him in a few months time! Im feeling really depressed, I know this might be normal to feel this way but it still hurts a lot, I do still care about him and I just can't wipe away 20 years of a relationship with him, even if he hates me now (which he does) he keeps saying its all my fault and that I'm sneaky and devious ...which should convince me that he hasnt changed one bit and that he cant see two sides to this, but I can't stop feeling so very sad about it all. Im so tired and I cant even get the energy to argue with him about the lease on the house which he is living in. He wants me to renew it (in my name) for him for 6 months and I just feel like doing it for an easy life. I know its wrong and everyone is screaming at me not to do it but Im feeling so weak I just can't fight with him over it.

Just feel like a weak stupid woman.

Your relationship was not positive or you would never have left him in the first place

As for not being married to him in a few months, good, its the best thing for you and your child.

lulu650

teawithmilk wrote: »

........Im so tired and I cant even get the energy to argue with him about the lease on the house which he is living in. He wants me to renew it (in my name) for him for 6 months and I just feel like doing it for an easy life. I know its wrong and everyone is screaming at me not to do it but Im feeling so weak I just can't fight with him over it.

Just feel like a weak stupid woman.

You're certainly not a weak nor stupid woman.

I'm assuming he means that he will pay the rent but it needs to be in your name as he is not creditworthy? Does he expect you to come around and mow the lawn, tidy up, perhaps give it a lick of paint too? If you're tired now, imagine what you will feel like still being made to feel responsibile for his house all through winter!!

Remember you won't actually be married to him whilst he is living in the home you have your name attached to. As others have said you would be liable for any rent he doesn't pay.

RAS

twm, please please speak to your LL and give formal notice ASAP.

As you know if he refuses to move out by the end of the tenancy, you are stuck with him but the longer you leave it the worse your situation get legally.

Your tenancy will not allow you to sub-let. If the LL is happy to have him, fine (let LL know that he want to stay and then let them get on with it).

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

Just been extremely busy and also took a week off work to be with DD and do some nice day trips out.

Good for you, nice way of making up for missing her when she was on holiday with her dad.

But today i got confirmation that he has returned the documents to the court so the next stage (not sure what that is!) can proceed.

Excellent news, another step in the right direction. :T :T

Im feeling really down at the moment. It has finally sunk into me that it is going ahead and I might not be married to him in a few months time! Im feeling really depressed, I know this might be normal to feel this way but it still hurts a lot, I do still care about him and I just can't wipe away 20 years of a relationship with him,

Yes it is a natural feeling to be depressed, you have been with him for such a big chunk of your life. However, and you know why there is a however, he has not treated you the way a loving husband should have done. If he had you would not be divorcing him. The hurt may take a long time to get over, but at least you are giving yourself the opportunity for future happiness.

Im so tired and I cant even get the energy to argue with him about the lease on the house which he is living in. He wants me to renew it (in my name) for him for 6 months and I just feel like doing it for an easy life. I know its wrong and everyone is screaming at me not to do it but Im feeling so weak I just can't fight with him over it.

And I'm on the side of the screamers too. There are so many potential problems and issues that could occur. Your solicitor would tell you not to touch this matter with a bargepole! You are separated, it is HIS problem now. Just keep telling yourself that it was he that caused his problems, despite your efforts to help.

Just feel like a weak stupid woman.

Weak, maybe, because you have been through such a lot in the last month or so. Stupid, definitely not, because you have had the good sense to rid yourself of the person who has caused you such unhappiness. You will always be linked to him as the father of your daughter, but you now have no reason to be linked to him and his problems any more.

summerof0763

please don't renew the tenancy, as others have said you will be liable if he does not do any of the upkeep.
let ll know you are giving up tenancy, and you have split with hubby, you could let ll know hubby wishes to take over tenancy if you want, nut don't feel obliged, hubby needs to learn to look after himself and find his own pkace .

thorsoak

Look - you want out of this marriage because of the way he makes you feel - he hasn't cherished you/loved you/supported you throughout your marriage - you have carried him all the way - and now, as you are divorcing, he wants you to renew YOUR tenancy for six months so that he doesn't have to stir himself into getting any accommodation for himself? Do you really think that in 6 months, he will be any more ready to do it for himself? You know he won't!

You are divorcing for all the best reasons - so cut the ties now - let him renegotiate his tenancy!

You are not weak, nor are you devious or sly - the accuser could be construed as being all of these things!

Go girl, go!!

Errata

There's nothing preventing him from taking the tenancy by asking his mum for the temporary loan of six months rent so he can pay in advance, and her acting as guarantor.