Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

tattycath

teawithmilk wrote: »

she does have a phone but she never keeps it switched on and hasnt put credit on it recently Im such a luddite I dont even know how to top it up. I was thinking of lending her my contract phone and telling her to keep it charged up. I'll make it clear that its really important to do so. I'm one step ahead of him and I am aware of the risk of letting him take her on holiday- I know I cant refuse to let her go as there is nothing on the surface to suggest that they are going to do a runner back to Scotland with her.

Honestly his mum is really lovely, I have known her 20 yrs and she would never allow him to take her away. DD is due to attend one of the best schools in the County in september and he would be crazy to jeapodise that.

I have spent many sleepless nights in the early hours worrying about it.

to be honest I dont think he could be bothered having her full time. Take the weekend for example- it was too much hassle for him to even take her to the chemists. He said it was her fault and made excuses she was refusing to go out and put her shoes on but there are ways and means of getting a child out of the house....for something like that where they are ill and its urgent I'd pick her up and carry her out the door if necessary- even if she is 11! and then I could deal with the tantrums and reason with her after the important stuff is sorted.

It's dead easy to top up a phone and if you're not sure how just google it for the appropriate network. If your DD has your phone she won't be able to text you, whereas if she has her own phone she can contact you whenever she wants by text or phone-depending on reception area where she is going.
When I had a PAYG phone I connected it to my bank card so it was a doddle to top up-especially when i wasn't near to a shop.

Errata

I think you need to ensure she has her phone with her at all times, she keeps it charged up, you learn how to top it up. You are now her first point of contact in an emergency and you have the responsibility to make her understand that.
She'll be at 'big school' after the summer, so explain to her that everyone else at 'big school' will be clattering away on a mobile and it would be a good idea if she could do that as well, and not be left out of what her peer group are doing on their iphones.

teawithmilk

Yes I will top up her phone, I dont want her losing mine.

She is actually quite sweet- she is not bothered about gadgets and the latest phones....she got a bit of stick at school for having a cheap PAYG while some of her friends had blackberries and iphones (in yr 6???!!!!) but she doesnt seem to care...Im glad she has that attitude towards material stuff.

Her bedroom furniture got delivered yesterday so she is excited about that. I might set it all up for her while she is away- its gorgeous, great quality stuff. Even though I'm now feeling guilty for spending so much on it! She made me pinky promise I wouldnt touch it all while she was away but it is cluttering up my living room so I might do it for her as a surprise so its looking all nice for when she arrived back. I need a hand from my sister to move some of the things like the chest of drawers as it weighs a tonne.

Got to goto Docs tonight with my mum who is getting worse with her memory loss and falling a lot. She has gone downhill so much in the last 2-3 months and we are worried she might need to go into residential care. The warden in her sheltered housing said she needed a "care plan" whatever that is, so our first step is to ask the GP tonight. I bought mum a proper walking frame with wheels and brakes to help her as she keeps falling over but she is refusing to use it, that type of thing...forgetting what time of day it is, not realising if it is night or day, not eating properly, forgetting to eat or drink, falling asleep with hot cups of tea in her hand, not knowing what bus stop to get off at, ending up in wierd places and having to get kind strangers to give her lifts home...all very worrying for us. But she is stubborn and scared and won't accept that she has problems. ....she is just saying we are being bossy. We just care about her though!

Husband is being really petty about end of school events- he has NEVER shown an interest before in getting involved in anything at school, but he is now accusing me of deliberately not telling him about stuff at school and only telling him about things that I want him to go to...I bought him a ticket for DDs end of school play last week and I assumed he wouldnt want to go on the same night as me but instead of saying thanks he had a go about me buying that for him and "deciding" which night he went on, so I thought, right OK I'll leave it to you now....then I just asked him last night if he could possibly go with DD to an event tonight where she is reading a poem she has written as it clashed with mums GP appointment. He went off on one (a text message rant!) about how I only asked him to do stuff if it was convenient for me. I told him it wasnt such a big deal for me and if he didnt want to go I could rearrange mums appointment, I was only asking him in case he didnt have anything else on but he grudgingly agreed to go in the end.

School dont send out newsletters anymore so a lot of this end of term stuff is organised by word of mouth (which I dont get to hear as DD forgets to tell me or I'm not part of the "mums" playground network because I work full time)...or through school website- which he has full access to, or "shock horror" he could even pick up the phone and speak to the school direct if he could be bothered

phew feel a lot better now Ive got all that off my chest!

Brighton_belle

teawithmilk wrote: »

Her bedroom furniture got delivered yesterday so she is excited about that. I might set it all up for her while she is away- its gorgeous, great quality stuff. Even though I'm now feeling guilty for spending so much on it! She made me pinky promise I wouldnt touch it all while she was away but it is cluttering up my living room so I might do it for her as a surprise so its looking all nice for when she arrived back.

That's a lovely idea, but you promised you wouldn't touch it and it might be a good way to show you keep you promises, even about the small stuff. Or you need to re negotiate with her before she goes away by telling her you need to move it out of the living room.
Doing it together might be very bonding.

RAS

Just came back to ake the same point at Brighton belle

If you promised not to touch it, you need to keep your promise, otherwise she will lose trust in you.

If you need to move it out of the living room, negotiate now.

MakeupAddict_2

RAS wrote: »

Just came back to ake the same point at Brighton belle

If you promised not to touch it, you need to keep your promise, otherwise she will lose trust in you.

If you need to move it out of the living room, negotiate now.

Thirded ^^^^^

It won't be a nice surprise if you put it up, it will be a nasty shock. Maybe she wants to be involved in the assembly, to feel it's really hers, and she wants to play her part in making the new house her home. It will seriously dent her trust in you if you break your promise, and she'll be wary of any of your further promises for a long time. It could also even change the way she feels about the furniture, because it will be tainted by resentment that you didn't respect a promise you made to her.

Either negotiate moving it somewhere else now, or while she's away sit with your back to it so that you can't see it and use the time to put your feet up and have a glass of something nice!

MuAx

eta: putting it up would also send her the message that how your living room looks is more important than (a) keeping promises and (b) her feelings. Neither is going to make her feel a whole lot better about life!

tattycath

Sorry, I'm with everyone else on this about the furniture. You made a promise and you should either keep that promise or re-negotiate with her.

Errata

If you don't keep your promise you're being sneaky, which is what your OH accuses you of - do you want your DD to feel the same way?

paulineb_2

Tbh Id let her know, but if I was a kid and my mum had bought me furniture and then assembled it for as a surprise when I was on holiday, Id be saying ta very much, not thinking she was sneaky.

MakeupAddict_2

paulineb wrote: »

Tbh Id let her know, but if I was a kid and my mum had bought me furniture and then assembled it for as a surprise when I was on holiday, Id be saying ta very much, not thinking she was sneaky.

An awful lot of kids would be with you on that one! But in this case it was the daughter who instigated the promise, so for whatever reason it matters to her - and the promise has already been made. Given that she is already feeling vulnerable, overriding her (even with the best of intentions) doesn't seem like a good idea.

MuAx