Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Errata

teawithmilk wrote: »

seriously wishing I had just seperated from him now. . .divorce just seem so complicated and even paying 200 pounds an hour for a solicitor doesnt seem to be giving me any insight!

What do you need insight into? You've joined wikivorce which is an extensive source of information and knowledge, you can ask specific questions on here which people may be able to answer sensibly.
Divorce really isn't complicated when you have no property and joint debts to sort out. Take things slowly and steadily, leave your OH to sort his own problems out.
And of course you can, if you wish, pause in the divorce proceedings, which will make you separated.

teawithmilk

I know I shouldnt panic and that these things take time. I 've had twenty years of him putting me down and making me feel inadequate. Just sometimes still get a feeling of fear and panic whenever he contacts me or asks me anything, like I need to jump to attention and sort out whatever he wants, just force of habit.

Errata

There's a lot of good information on this website and written in plain English http://www.divorceaid.co.uk/legal/process.htm

triple_choc_chip

teawithmilk wrote: »

I know I shouldnt panic and that these things take time. I 've had twenty years of him putting me down and making me feel inadequate. Just sometimes still get a feeling of fear and panic whenever he contacts me or asks me anything, like I need to jump to attention and sort out whatever he wants, just force of habit.

Yes I sensed that from your last response, I'm so sorry if my 1st comment was terse. This is obviously affecting you greatly because you have probably been trying to 'please' for a quiet life for so long it is now 2nd nature. Don't let him take advantage of your good nature any longer, try to ignore him. Remember how he sent you away and made you wait 30 mins to collect your daughter? On that occasion you obeyed him. Disempower him by deleting the texts. If he never gets a response he will stop more quickly.

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

he is saying that the paperwork says he has to pay my costs. .is that standard?

It's possible that he may refuse to sign, saying you want the divorce then you pay for it. It's bad enough that he feels "wronged" but then to be made pay as well . . .

It might be better to share the costs, if it brings things to a conclusion quicker.

teawithmilk

I havent a clue why my solicitor put that he should pay the costs on the petition. Its now made worse as I have lost my copy of the petition (well misplaced it as I have documents EVERYWHERE) so I cant see what it exactly says.

Solicitor is on holiday but I dont want to keep e mailling her as it costs so much.

Husnband will only communicate with text messages- he is still refusing to talk face to face and wont answer my e mails.

If I try and talk to him when I drop off/pick up DD he just ignores me....which then gets my back up and I suppose I do then come across semi-confrontational. I keep syaing we need to talk and discuss things and he just looks right through me as if Im invisible!

So I havent a clue if he has (or is intending to) sign any documents, Im not even sure what he has been sent. I dont think he has taken any legal advice.

I guess its juts a case of wait and see. When i was feeling a bit low last night I did think "why did I go down the road of divorce straightaway" my brother also advised me to just seperate and now I have moved out I can see that this might have just been a cheap and straightforward thing to do.

paulineb_2

teawithmilk wrote: »

I havent a clue why my solicitor put that he should pay the costs on the petition. Its now made worse as I have lost my copy of the petition (well misplaced it as I have documents EVERYWHERE) so I cant see what it exactly says.

Solicitor is on holiday but I dont want to keep e mailling her as it costs so much.

Husnband will only communicate with text messages- he is still refusing to talk face to face and wont answer my e mails.

If I try and talk to him when I drop off/pick up DD he just ignores me....which then gets my back up and I suppose I do then come across semi-confrontational. I keep syaing we need to talk and discuss things and he just looks right through me as if Im invisible!

So I havent a clue if he has (or is intending to) sign any documents, Im not even sure what he has been sent. I dont think he has taken any legal advice.

I guess its juts a case of wait and see. When i was feeling a bit low last night I did think "why did I go down the road of divorce straightaway" my brother also advised me to just seperate and now I have moved out I can see that this might have just been a cheap and straightforward thing to do.

But you would still have had to deal with the divorce at some point.

spirit

Just take a step back and try to relax a bit TWM. I don't know if that is standard practice or not but my solicitor put on the form for my ex to pay the costs too.

Don't let it rile you, there is no rush and as others have said, don't be pressured into answering his questions.

NAR

Thinking back TWM my ex petitioned me with unreasonable behaviour as reasons for divorce and I think I had to pay the divorce costs. However as she was on legal aid her legal team, who were rubbish, challenged everything along the way. I ended up with a legal bill of over £10k.

However luckily for you legal aid is no longer granted in divorce cases, so any legal advice (above a free half hour) he will have to pay for. In his present financial circumstances I cannot see how he can afford much.

thorsoak

teawithmilk wrote: »

I havent a clue why my solicitor put that he should pay the costs on the petition. Its now made worse as I have lost my copy of the petition (well misplaced it as I have documents EVERYWHERE) so I cant see what it exactly says.

Solicitor is on holiday but I dont want to keep e mailling her as it costs so much.

Husnband will only communicate with text messages- he is still refusing to talk face to face and wont answer my e mails.

If I try and talk to him when I drop off/pick up DD he just ignores me....which then gets my back up and I suppose I do then come across semi-confrontational. I keep syaing we need to talk and discuss things and he just looks right through me as if Im invisible!

So I havent a clue if he has (or is intending to) sign any documents, Im not even sure what he has been sent. I dont think he has taken any legal advice.

I guess its juts a case of wait and see. When i was feeling a bit low last night I did think "why did I go down the road of divorce straightaway" my brother also advised me to just seperate and now I have moved out I can see that this might have just been a cheap and straightforward thing to do.

TWM: your marriage failed because he wouldn't talk ...why do you think he will start now??

You don't have to respond to his texts - he isn't responding to your emails, is he? Let him find out for himself just what the divorce will cost him, both in financial and emotional terms. At the moment, he is still pulling your strings and expecting you to sort things out for him!

I would suggest that it is time that you give your letting agents notice that you are terminating the tenancy (and that you have separated!) so that he will be occupying the premises illegally - he has to sort out his own accommodation - IT ISN'T YOUR PROBLEM