Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

paulineb_2

Mr_Incredible wrote: »

Give all your money to a trusted family member and leach government

You are clearly just trolling now, given your comments on someone elses thread, someone else who is going through abuse in a relationship.

Its really sad that people need to make pointless comments when others are trying their best to give advice.

NAR

This whole environment of secrets and people being nosey etc is not something DD should be considering as acceptable . An environment of being able to talk about things, share issues and problems, having loving relationships is what should be getting explained to DD "as normal."

Otherwise her relationship with you might not end up being what you want it to be. Unfortunately you are both under a lot of stress, for different reasons, however you are going to have to find a way of remaining calm with each other as much as possible. I know, magic wand time!

Teawithmilk I think you are handling your OH extremely well. :T Petty point scoring, via DD, unfortunately is likely to be par for the course for quite a while; you just need to rise above it.

teawithmilk

Yes I am a bad mum.

I dont ask what her Dad says to her- I dont think he cares one hoot about what he says about me to her.

I will try and make it up to her this weekend.

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

Yes I am a bad mum.

You most certainly are not. You are trying to provide a loving, safe environment for her to grow up in, which is what any loving parent would do.

I will try and make it up to her this weekend.

A bit of girrly time will do you both good! :j

LannieDuck

teawithmilk wrote: »

Yes I am a bad mum.

I dont ask what her Dad says to her- I dont think he cares one hoot about what he says about me to her.

I will try and make it up to her this weekend.

You're not a bad mum. I'm not sure why you said that, because you know full well that you aren't.

If you were a bad mum, you would have taken the easy way out and continued to put up with your OH for an easy life. You would have let DD continue to grow up in an environment where you're abused by your OH, and where she had to always be careful what she said or did in case it upset him.

Instead you're trying to provide her with a stable home where she can have her friends to stay over when she wants. If that's being a bad mum, then I'm guilty as charged :P

If you can, step back and ask whether your DD would really be better off if you moved back in with your OH. I think you know the answer.

RAS

paulineb wrote: »

Even if the comments are true, then the daughter goes back to the dad and says, mum told me you were sneaking around and found the divorce papers.

Wrong person

teawithmilk wrote: »

oh poo. She has just been nosing around my work bag and found my file with all divorce paperwork. she has obviously read some of it as she is asking why Im saying daddy is unreasonable. . . .

Treevo

paulineb wrote: »

How do you know. Her dad says something to the daughter about her mum and then her mum retaliates saying something about the dad and people think thats ok?

I certainly dont. Even if the comments are true, then the daughter goes back to the dad and says, mum told me you were sneaking around and found the divorce papers.

And so on. Shes ten years old, she doesnt need to be involved in hearing the parents slate one another, even if this man deserves it sometimes you need to be the bigger person and not retaliate when someone is looking for a reaction.

And its clearly obvious that the child is already upset without anyone making it worse.

It wouldn't be the case because the person who was snooping and found the divorce papers was the daughter. Which you would have known if you had read the thread.

girlatplay

teawithmilk wrote: »

Yes I am a bad mum.

I dont ask what her Dad says to her- I dont think he cares one hoot about what he says about me to her.

I will try and make it up to her this weekend.

No you are not a bad mum. In fact you are a great mum doing everything you can to make life better, rather than being a doormat and letting your child think it is ok to be treated like that. It is just a difficult time. Loads of couples with children split up. It happens. It will work.

neneromanova

What you have to think OP is that you are showing your daughter that your relationship to her dad wasn't normal. If you'd have carried on with her father, then she'd have thought that was the type of relationship she should put up with.

I would sit DD down this weekend and say what she said really hurt you and that her dad is only saying these things to hurt you as you "hurt him". You're sorry that he is saying these things and you'll have a word with him as you can see it is hurting her.

You have to stay strong, as hard as it is, for both of your sakes.

paulineb_2

Treevo wrote: »

It wouldn't be the case because the person who was snooping and found the divorce papers was the daughter. Which you would have known if you had read the thread.

I actually have read the thread, but yes I made a mistake

However, I still dont think its right to be picking the child up for every little thing thats going wrong at the moment.

No, she shouldnt have been going through the mums bag, but shes ten years of age and do you really want to be piling more on her every time something goes wrong?

If there had to be a conversation about the child finding the divorce papers, it should have happened at the time, not later as a retort for the child being upset that her mum went through her bag.

I went through yours, well you went through mine. The kid is ten years old and from all accounts has been on the receiving end of not very nice behaviour from her dad and witnessing her mum being maltreated as well, its not surprising shes upset right now.