Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

RAS

The solicitor knows about the savings.

teawithmilk wrote: »

Yes, but the girl I spoke to sounded v young (showing my age!)

she said that if i bought a house in the next 6 months but he didnt move into it, so it never became the marital home, he would have less of a claim on it. She is sending me an e mail summarising what she said. I might get a 2nd opinion from my brothers solicitor. Just want to be crystal clear as this house/security of knowing where we are living issue is so important to me.

its all down to how the courts view assets anyway she said so she couldnt give me a definative answer. I will wait and see what the e mail says. I came home in a good mood until I found out what an idiot I had been leaving info lying around.

I could get a nice 2 bed house round here, nothing fancy, for 135k...so with 5k (approx) set aside for costs I could put down a 35k deposit and borrow 100k which would be a repayment I could afford over 25yrs repayment mortgage....especially if I fixed it for a few yrs but Id need to put aside money for divorce solicitors

teawithmilk

I was going to suggest to him that she went round on Saturday to see him anyway-if he wants to take her for a meal then thats fine. The problem is that the restaurant he wants to go to is not accessible by public transport easily so I know he would be assuming I would give them a lift.

As far as the savings go, I havent lied to my solicitor about this. I will just have to cross that bridge when it happens. I want to buy a house, if he then makes a claim on that house I would have to find some way of paying him I suppose. But surely if we were living in it he couldnt make us homeless? my priority is getting somewhere secure for DD to live where she doesnt have to move house YET AGAIN for the next ten years or until she wants to move out to go to college/uni/work or something.

Gigervamp

In my experience, very little actual sleeping goes on at a sleepover! :rotfl:

The futon will be fine for the girls to kip on.

Also, if DD does want to go out for a meal, your ex can always get a taxi.

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

I was going to suggest to him that she went round on Saturday to see him anyway-if he wants to take her for a meal then thats fine.

Sounds like a plan.

As far as the savings go, I havent lied to my solicitor about this. I will just have to cross that bridge when it happens. I want to buy a house, if he then makes a claim on that house I would have to find some way of paying him I suppose. But surely if we were living in it he couldnt make us homeless? my priority is getting somewhere secure for DD to live where she doesnt have to move house YET AGAIN for the next ten years or until she wants to move out to go to college/uni/work or something.

Leave that to your solicitor to sort out. Get you it spent on a deposit asap, I doubt any judge will award him anything from your money until DD is 18, as the priority will be seen as a roof over her head.

tayforth

Good to hear from you, teawithmilk - how annoying about the disappearing post, I hate that!

I'm glad that your DD has plans for her birthday, cinema and a sleepover will be lovely. And they can both sleep on the futon - as Gigervamp says, the won't be much sleeping!

Your ex has deliberately chosen that restaurant because you'll have to drive imho. Just tell him that you don't want to go, that you're already doing other things with DD for her birthday and he's free to take her out separately.

I'm no expert on family law, but afaik you won't be forced to sell your new house as it's your DD's home. But do get proper legal advice on that, just to be sure.

It's terrible that he's criticising you to DD, he shouldn't be doing that. Ask your solicitor (or the wikivorce forums) what's the best way of recording his behaviour, as this will definitely go against him if he ever decides to play silly beggars with either the divorce or custody.

So proud of you

neneromanova

NAR wrote: »

Sounds like a plan.


Leave that to your solicitor to sort out. Get you it spent on a deposit asap, I doubt any judge will award him anything from your money until DD is 18, as the priority will be seen as a roof over her head.

If he gets awarded anything at all. OP. Do you still have any of the paperwork saying that you divided the house equity and paid off debts while he squandered it? That might help your case a little and also show that you've been living separate lives money wise for a long time with 2 separate bank accounts and not paying for things as a "family" IYKWIM.

teawithmilk

Thanks everyone. My DD is top priority in all of this, it sounds corny but she is everything to me. I dont have any paperwork from when we sold the house as it is probably all packed away in boxes, god knows where. We have moved house 3 times since we sold the house in 2010 and in the spare room at the house where husband is there are still boxes packed up that havent been opened in 3 years, which is probably where the paperwork is. We have loads of stuff still in boxes and packed up at his mums, some stuff in my brothers garage...as you can tell because we have moved around so much (and this last house, the one where he is, is full of landlords furniture so we had to store all our furniture at his mums) I have never been able to get all my junk sorted out which is another burden round my neck- I would dearly love to de-clutter and just keep what I needed, and Im hoping this house that I am buying will be the opportunity for me to do that...once Im moved in and know that I can be there for a good long time I can keep whatever furniture fits in with the house and then just get rid of all the rest, I even have DDs baby clothes packed up in boxes somewhere, god knows where..probably in that spare room....Ive just never had the time or space to sort things out as we havent been in any one house long enough to fully unpack.

I know for a fact that he does not keep any paperwork...so he would never be able to argue that his credit card debts were run up buying joint stuff (not that they were) and his DMP has been running for about 5 years so he hasnt got into more debt.

My DD is sensible and I dont think she believes what her Dad is saying about me. Im trying to keep her cheerful by taking her to see relatives and allowing her this sleepover thing (which im dreading!!!!)

Actually I do feel like I have been a bit devious and sneaky. Which is why I feel guilty. But I feel like he forced my hand, I wish i could explain that to him. I asked him numerous times to move out as it was obvious that neither of us was happy. It would have been easier and less disruptive on DD for him to go but he dug his heels in which is why I had to arrange the other rented place...grrrr...why am I feeling like I have to justify myself all the time! Then at the weekend I started to feel bad and started to think maybe I sould have said that I was just seperating from him,, rather than full divorce, but then that would drag things on even longer.

Im 43 yrs old and I feel like Im 83, Im exhausted. And my mum is deteriortaing by the day, her short term memory loss is setting in and Im having to go round at least once a day now. She is finding it difficult to walk and move around , losing things, isnt feeding herself properly and I dont think she is drinking enough fluids either. My sister and I are takin git in turns to check in on her. But that is also upsetting DD too. She hates seeing her grandma that way. This has all come on in the last 3 months- she has really gone downhill since Easter.

I have been reading wikivorce, so thanks for pointing me in that direction. Problem is that everyones case is completely different isnt it?

I did e mail my solicitor this morning (kerching- another £35 spent!) and she replied that the petition has been sent to the courts so he should be hearing something in the next couple of weeks. I dont know whether to warn him or not. I did think about getting her to write to him to tell him formally that I was going for divorce- I cant remember if she said this was a good thing or not.

It sounds really awful but it would go in my favour I think if he didnt get a solicitor involved (well he did say last week that he wasnt intending to give a penny of his money to soliitors) and just signed the papers that were sent to him.

Im not after money from him, if he just left me alone to rebuild my life I probably wouldnt even need any child support from him- DD and I could survive on my wage.

tayforth

I wouldn't bother getting the solicitor to write and tell him that you're going to divorce him, it'll be expensive and pointless IMHO. He'll get the petition soon enough, and you've already told him that you're going to do it.

You haven't been at all devious. Your ex should have been the one to leave, not you and DD.

Sorry that you've got your mother to cope with on top of everything else - you must be absolutely shattered. Could you do something relaxing for yourself one night when DD is with your ex?

And you may not want child support, but you're entitled to it. If you don't want to take his money, maybe think about putting it into savings for DD's future - university fees, house deposit, whatever

neneromanova

If he still has the credit card he "used for joint purchases" for the house, you could get your solicitor to request that he requests the credit card company sends some statements showing this. They should have 7 years worth stored in their computers.

I would go for CSA. Even if you just put it in an account for your DD for when she turns 18 and wants to go to uni/buy a house/car etc.

teawithmilk

Im sure his debts will have been sold on umpteen times- I think the debt collection companies did try and contact him, I used to see letters lying around (no, he did leave them lying around, I wasnt being nosey!) and my brother doesnt know it but when we stayed at my brothers house very briefly between moving from one property to another Cap one has somehow got hold of this address and is chasing him there for a debt of 4k.

My brother will go absolutely mental if he knows this because he has already had trouble this year with my other brother getting debt letters diverted to his house (my big brother is very generous and always lets people stay if they need a roof over their heads! but he doesnt want responsibility for other peoples debts or debt collectors knocking at his door) I only know this because I was picking up post from my brothers and did open husbands letter that had gone there as I thought it was junk mail.

Regarding the meal out I think I will say its fine if he takes DD out if he wants but I might say I have something else on (e.g. looking after my mum) if DD asks me to go with them. I doubt he would pay for a taxi to the particular restaurant as it would be about £20 as it is a long way from where we live. where we live