Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

teawithmilk

Because I am too soft and basically hope I am a decent person, just like a lot of the men on here that end up paying their wives massive amounts of maintenance per month and probably shouldnt. At least I'm not having to pay him maintenance (yet)

Ive only been gone 2 wks, and Im waiting to see if he transfers me any money at the start of July.

I am going to go to the CSA and get the process started with them.

Im going to get as much essential stuff as I can out of the house on Friday- then if he burns the rest it doesnt really matter. I have essentials like clothes and pasports etc and DDs favourite toys.

I've just drafted a letter to letting agency today saying that I'm not renewing lease in September.

Work is hard at moment- my boss is older than me and a bloke and all my colleagues are men. Its a very male dominated industry and Im the only woman manager...well actually the only female in the building apart from my friend who is the finance officer...but she works for a different team/boss.

So although I have mentioned it to my boss and he has been understanding so far I dont expect to get much tea and sympathy- my work doesnt operate that way, its more of a blokey environment and they expect you to be tough and t show any emotion.

RAS

You need historical financial documents if you have them. Otherwise they could end up being used against you rather than you using them to your benefit.

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

Because I am too soft and basically hope I am a decent person, just like a lot of the men on here that end up paying their wives massive amounts of maintenance per month and probably shouldnt.

I can understand your attitude, but don't be taken for a mug - I'm sure you won't.

Work is hard at moment- my boss is older than me and a bloke and all my colleagues are men.
So although I have mentioned it to my boss and he has been understanding so far I dont expect to get much tea and sympathy- my work doesnt operate that way, its more of a blokey environment and they expect you to be tough and t show any emotion.

Even blokes get emotional at times, though they may not always show it in front of others. I'm sure your boss will know plenty that have gone through separation/divorce and will know how hard it is to cope. So I'm sure he will give you some leeway at your appraisal next week.

teawithmilk

CSA calculator says if we are seperated he should be contributing £62 per week towards DD. Wow. That is a serious amount of money for me and would make a huge difference. It might mean we could get a holiday or help towards the enormous amount of clothes that I seem to be having to buy for her at the moment! I had to shell out over £60 for decent quality new trainers and sports kit this week as she has grown out of her last lot and its sports day on Friday.

I wont be taken for a mug but on the other hand I dont want to antagonise him too much. As he is not talking to me I dont know what he is thinking about the future but I wouldnt be surprised if he a) hasnt even thought about finding alternative accomodation and b) just thinks I have gone off in some girly strop (not my style) and will come running back after a few weeks.

DD says that she spoke to her gran (his mum) on the phone last night while she was round seeing him and gran doesnt seem to have been told that we (DD and I) have moved out.

neneromanova

Personally, I wouldn't go to CSA just yet. I know the money would be helpful but you don't want to rock the boat. Get the tenancy either in his name or cancelled, Get your stuff out the house and ring up the utilities to tell them you have left and that your ex is the new tenant. That'll be more money a month for you. Then once the lease is up/changed into his name I would then go to CSA as he can't hold anything over you like I'll break the place/your stuff if you keep CSA on my back.

RAS

Hi

Move out the stuff you need out this Friday.

He is taking DD on holiday soon? Can you shift other stuff out then? Or is he just going to have DD at the old house for the week/fortnight?

When DD is back, you need to deal with the tenancy and the CSA.

I think you need some good advice before you think about putting the utilities or COuncil Tax in his name, as this may make it harder to remove him from the property.

What did you solicitor say about his legal status in the house?

neneromanova

What is the likelyhood OP of your ex leaving when the tenancy is up?

tayforth

Teawithmilk - take everything you can on Friday, think of it as your last chance to get stuff out of the house. How big is your car, have you got access to a van? You really should take some furniture as well, but I appreciate that it may be hard as you dint want to upset him too much.

Get legal advice on how and when to do things like utilities etc.

Great news that you've drafted your letter to the LA.

Your boss is bound to be sympathetic, and in your favour you have kept up your attendance at work. I'm sure that he will give you some leeway in your appraisal.

Re the CSA, I think that payments are backdated so that would be an extra incentive to wait a little longer - can anyone confirm that this is (or isn't) the case?

Keep your chin up lady xxx

zzzLazyDaisy

CSA - payments are only back-dated to the date the claim is made. So from a financial point of view, the quicker the claim goes in, the better.

teawithmilk

I'm not mentioning the CSA to him just yet as I have a few hurdles to cross first. I know I may be entitled to the money from him eventually but Im more bothered about getting other stuff sorted first. I dont know how he is going to react when he gets the divorce papers he may just shrug and sign them or he may turn nasty.

Tomorrow I have a huge list of stuff to do: Doctors for me first thing (ongoing health issues) then to bank to hand in docs for mortgage application, then I have a "window" free from around 10.30am until 1.30pm when I can move stuff from old house but have to be back at old house by half one as I have someone coming to hopefully help me move the pets hutches. After that I will have to tidy up and get beds ready for DDs sleepover, and then go to pick the girls up at 3.15- doesnt give me a massive amount of time!

To be honest, although the stuff in the old house is valuable to me it wouldnt be the end of the world if he did do something stupid with it all- all that is important is that I have got DD and important stuff like pasports- wardrobes full of clothes arent THAT crucial to me at the moment!

I really havent a clue about what he is going to do once the tenancy is up- I have told him verbally ages ago that the tenancy is up in September but I dont know if he took any notice or not. As he has never spoken to me about it I dont know if he assumes that I am just going to keep renting it for him.

Utilities wont be a problem: broadband can just be cancelled whenever (I'm not on a contract) Water is paid up until the end of the year so i can just get a refund on this and gas and electricity I dont mind paying until the end of the tenancy. Council tax- theres probably not much point in getting it put in his name. Really, I know I should be tougher about this but there are only 3 months to go until that tenancy is up and I really dont have time to get into arguments with utilities. As RAS pointed out too there may be complications by getting stuff put into his name. And if he is reasonable and transfers some money to me when he gets paid at the end of the month I could put up with having to pay if it gives me an easy life. im more bothered about him keeping the place tidy etc so I can get my bond back and cooperating with the letting agency as the tenancy comes to an end. Is it really worth fighting that battle with him??

I have also got the opportunity of the week where he takes DD away to get in and tidy up/move final things.

He is being very Jeckyl and Hyde at the moment- I havent heard from him apart from rude texts about me "snooping" then he texted me last night that he had bought lots of reduced food and did I want to come over and get some of it? He is seeing DD tonight which suits me as I have to go out for a couple of hours this evening to a parents evening for her new school in Sept.

I went in the house this morning to get some bedding and extra pillows for the sleepover so he may notice I took some stuff. He had left a carrier bag in the kitchen with some post for me and DD and some reduced bread...so he is obviously in a "reasonable" mood today- we will see how long that lasts!

My plan is that I will email him on Monday to let him know tenancy is up in September and wait and see what he says. I dont want him to kick off this weekend and spoil DDs birthday weekend.