Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

RAS

I advised you previously to post up on the Renting forum here and there was a bit of confusion about the notice period stuff (one poster managed to leave an incorrect quote in their answer by accident).

You need advice as to

1. Your ex's legal status (this is why I suggest you are careful about putting utilities in his name).
2. What actions you can legally take to remove him from the property.
3. Exactly how to do this safely and effectively.

Please go back to there and explain the situation fully. People cant help if you only tell them a little bit of the story.

And where is ex taking DD for her holiday? Do you know?

LannieDuck

Tea, whilst I think these concerns may be valid, try not to borrow too much trouble just yet. You don't know how he's going to react to the divorce petition, or what he might decide to do about accommodation. It's good to try and form some sort of plan in advance in case he causes trouble vacating, but it's not a certainty that he will. And if he ends up with nowhere to live, it's not because you're 'making him homeless', it's because he hasn't taken responsibility for his own life and sorted it out himself.

One thing is for sure tho - you no longer have a responsibility to support him or organise his life for him. You certainly have no reason to continue paying his bills along with your own (although I appreciate why you would for ease until the end of the lease). The very maximum that a divorce would grant is spousal maintenance, and that's only if he's been out of work looking after DD while you've been the breadwinner (and I don't think that's the case unless I recall wrongly?).

I agree that you should let this weekend go for the sake of your DD's birthday, and then raise the question of the rental next week. See how he reacts and go from there.

Incidentally, when will he be receiving the divorce petition?

zzzLazyDaisy

teawithmilk wrote: »

.and if I extended the lease on his behalf would he get a shock when he realised how much it ACTUALLY costs to run a household, even a household of one adult.

Teawithmilk, I don't want to be unkind, but I really don't think you 'get' all this.

You cannot extend the lease on his behalf. You CAN if you wish, renew the tenancy in your own sole name, but since almost all tenancy agreements contain a clause against subletting, this would almost certainly mean that you would also remain solely liable for the rent and utility bills.

So yes, you have two choices. Continue to financially support your adult 'child', or accept that this relationship has ended, tip him out, and leave him to stand on his own two feet. Really and truly, these are decisions only you can make. If you choose to continue making him your responsibility, then he will continue to let you.

ecgirl07

Regarding council tax

If you remove yourself from the marital home he would get a 25% discount, which is what you should be getting on the new rental place. Seems nuts for you to be paying 2 council taxes with one at full price.

Although i take the point about getting him out at the end of the rental agreement.

Present him with a spreadsheet detailing the costs of running that house with everything included when you tell him when the tenancy is up - that gives him time to work where to live financially either there or in a wee flat.

kelpie35

I do understand your position TWM, but you have taken the decision to end your marriage. I know from all your posts that this was not an easy decision for you, but you now need to break all emotional and financial ties with your ex.

Tomorrow you need to move all the stuff you intend to use and then only drop DD off at her dads. If you continue to look after your ex's financial needs, you are then giving him mixed messages and that will not do you any favours in the near or distant future.

tattycath

Please TWM will you have your post redirected? You need to make sure that when he is in Nasty mood, that he doesn't open your post and try to scupper your plans.
I agree with other posters that you need to make him stand on his own two feet. He needs to take responsibility for himself-for heavens sake, he's a grown man!

Errata

Although i take the point about getting him out at the end of the rental agreement.

How would that be done if he decides to sit tight?

neneromanova

Tbh, I would get in there and change the locks if he doesn't leave a week before the tenancy is up.

RAS

The OP needs proper advice as to his status.

She may well be able to go in an change the locks and put his belongings on the door step, but she needs advice first.

What we do not want is him being able to sue her for wrongly managing his departure.

teawithmilk

I know, I know! and I appreciate all your kind and sensible comments. I have no one really to bounce ideas off or get advice from, apart from my solicitor.

I know that if the situations were reveresed and he had taken the decision to leave he would not be worrying about how I would cope. He would be cold and unemotional so Im trying to be as well. I will try and move as much as I can tomorrow and if he trashes all the rest then so be it.

I have claimed 25% discount at the house I am renting so thats Ok- the other bill is still in my name, at full price. I did give him a list of exactly how much the house costs to "run", several times, including by e mail although this was last year. This was at a time when he was arguing about how much money he needed to pay me each month and I sent it to him to prove that running the house isnt cheap! he obviously didnt trust me and almost accused me of "ripping him off" by asking him for too much contribution towards bills and rent....this is not cheap these days especially when you factor in childcare and running a car. Luckily my childcare (afterschool) costs will end this month when she leave primary school....and I cant ask him to contribute towards the car as he wont be using it! He probably could afford to stay in the house we were in if he stopped spending money on rubbish and just budgeted properly.

Lazydaisy- I know I cant extend it in his name, he has always put me in a very awkward and semi-illegal position by not declaring him as living at the house, due to his bad credit record...we would never have got approved for a lease otherwise....so I have always been uncomfortable with the whole renting situation/leasing a house and a bit resentful of this, and his unwillingness to deal with his debts, which has been another factor in our relationship breaking down really. The only way of extending it is by taking a risk and extending it in my name (which would be easy as I have been a good tenant for the last year and a half)

Actually there is another thing that I havent even thought of that has just occurred to me: What if the landlord decided in July that he wants to give notice and sell the house or not relet it. I dont think he will as he seems to be in it for the longer term, but it is always a possibility...

and I think things will become a lot clearer next week when DDs birthday is over, when I remind him that the lease is up and also when he gets the divorce petition.

ps I do know where he is taking her and its only to the Peak District, assuming he is telling the truth.