Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Treevo

I think you should go to the CSA. Yes, you could manage but why should you when he should be paying partially for her?

girlatplay

About the sleepover, I used to panic and say no when my DD asked for sleepovers. I just felt like I couldn't cope. However, I have realised that kids are kids. They just want to have fun like other kids. The kid coming round isn't going to judge you as an adult in any way, she is coming round because your DD has invited her and you are a great mum because you said yes! They are both looking forward to it. Generally kids don't notice if a few dishes aren't done or if you don't have much in the way of furniture, they are there to play.

Now when my DD says "Mum can *Zoe* come for a sleepover on Saturday?" I don't think about an answer, I just automatically say yes (unless we have something on) and DD is so chuffed and delighted that I know I have done the right thing, even if I am having a wee panic right at that moment.

It will be fine. Worrying about it won't change what it is and not worrying will bring your stress levels down.

I also agree about the CSA comments, you are entitled to it and you can put it in a separate account if you want to, like others have said.

teawithmilk

thanks. . . well I think this sleepover is definately on, DD was pleased with all her presents this morning. . .I hadnt realised I had got her so much stuff but it all emerged as I was unpacking boxes last weekend. . .she had about 15 parcels from me in the end. . it was like Christmas!! it was all cheap stuff from the pound shop and boots sale last boxing day but she loved it. At least it is less stuff to store by giving her it all in one go!

Got my hair done today so feel a bit more cheerful. I havent had it cut for ages and i was feeling so dowdy and tired.

Im a bit scared as i have my appraisal with my boss next week and due to all the stress at home i havent done half of what i was supposed to do since april. I havent taken any time off or off sick but I havent really been knuckling down or concentrating at work and it shows in my outputs.

tayforth

Hurrah for the sleepover and DD's birthday gift haul!

And good for you having your hair cut, always gives me a lift

Sorry if I've forgotten, but does your boss know about the abuse?

zzzLazyDaisy

Please can I also encourage you to go to the CSA. Look at it this way - if he makes a claim against the house, you can always save his CSA money up and give it back to him when DD reaches 18 (if you have to pay him anything at all).

You can't do a deal whereby he leaves the house alone and you don't claim maintenance, because the law doesn't allow a parent to make a financial 'clean break' from the child (rightly so).

teawithmilk

I am now starting to get angry with husband about the other house where he is living- which up until 2 weeks ago was my home! And I am still named tenant!

On Monday the letting agency had asked for someone to come round and fix something on the outside of the house. They wouldnt need access to the inside of the house. I texted husband to let him know out of courtesy. He has been communicating with me by text message about when to drop DD off etc which I suppose is better than having no communication at all.

Now I have been going round every morning to feed DDs pet - if husband was a kind/decent person he would offer to do it but he hasnt.

On Monday I went round and fed pet OK, and also went into the house to pick up a couple of things from my bedroom and a toy from DDs room that she wanted plus goto the loo. Bear in mind that most of my stuff and DDs stuff (clothes, posessions etc) is still at this house.

I noticed that husband had put some crude "booby traps" around the house e.g. sellotape over doors- presumably to let him know if anyone had been in the house. I assumed he had done this to make sure that the workmen who were due to visit and carry out external works wouldnt come in (as this has happened in the past with workmen hired by the letting agency, they have let themselves in without prior warning) I thought this was quite amusing and carefully replaced the tape (the ones that I could see anyway)

Later in the day a text arrived from him that he had sent early that morning (I dont know why it had only arrived at my phone in the afternoon) saying that I shouldnt go in the house as he had taped up the doors. I just ignored it as I had been in the house anyway.

So last night once I had picked DD up (I never spoke to him, she just met me at the gate) I texted him to ask if the workmen had been round and he texted back to say he didnt know. I mentioned in my text that I had been in the house anyway to pick up post, then he sent me a snotty text back saying that I shouldnt be going snooping round the house.

This infuriated me- Firstly, I wouldnt want to "snoop" at his stuff anyway- what does he think he has got that is so secret anyway and secondly I have a perfect right to go back into that house whenever I want to! Im still the named tenant and Im paying for the house/council tax/utilities!! plus all my stuff is still there!

Am I in the wrong to get mad about that? Or should I be respecting his "privacy" ...I have a day off on Friday and intend to move out more of my personal possessions. Should I be warning him if I am coming and going from the house?? I am genuniley not looking at any of his stuff.....and not to mention at least half of the food in the kitchen cupboards must belong to me. I bet he would moan if I took some of that too.

LannieDuck

Would this be a good time to suggest that he takes over the rental contract from you in a couple of months' time? :P

tattycath

teawithmilk wrote: »

I am now starting to get angry with husband about the other house where he is living- which up until 2 weeks ago was my home! And I am still named tenant!

On Monday the letting agency had asked for someone to come round and fix something on the outside of the house. They wouldnt need access to the inside of the house. I texted husband to let him know out of courtesy. He has been communicating with me by text message about when to drop DD off etc which I suppose is better than having no communication at all.

Now I have been going round every morning to feed DDs pet - if husband was a kind/decent person he would offer to do it but he hasnt.

On Monday I went round and fed pet OK, and also went into the house to pick up a couple of things from my bedroom and a toy from DDs room that she wanted plus goto the loo. Bear in mind that most of my stuff and DDs stuff (clothes, posessions etc) is still at this house.

I noticed that husband had put some crude "booby traps" around the house e.g. sellotape over doors- presumably to let him know if anyone had been in the house. I assumed he had done this to make sure that the workmen who were due to visit and carry out external works wouldnt come in (as this has happened in the past with workmen hired by the letting agency, they have let themselves in without prior warning) I thought this was quite amusing and carefully replaced the tape (the ones that I could see anyway)

Later in the day a text arrived from him that he had sent early that morning (I dont know why it had only arrived at my phone in the afternoon) saying that I shouldnt go in the house as he had taped up the doors. I just ignored it as I had been in the house anyway.

So last night once I had picked DD up (I never spoke to him, she just met me at the gate) I texted him to ask if the workmen had been round and he texted back to say he didnt know. I mentioned in my text that I had been in the house anyway to pick up post, then he sent me a snotty text back saying that I shouldnt be going snooping round the house.

This infuriated me- Firstly, I wouldnt want to "snoop" at his stuff anyway- what does he think he has got that is so secret anyway and secondly I have a perfect right to go back into that house whenever I want to! Im still the named tenant and Im paying for the house/council tax/utilities!! plus all my stuff is still there!

Am I in the wrong to get mad about that? Or should I be respecting his "privacy" ...I have a day off on Friday and intend to move out more of my personal possessions. Should I be warning him if I am coming and going from the house?? I am genuniley not looking at any of his stuff.....and not to mention at least half of the food in the kitchen cupboards must belong to me. I bet he would moan if I took some of that too.

You are the named tenant. You can come and go as you please. You really need to notify the landlord that you want to cancel the tenancy. You should get all your stuff out ASAP. Who knows, he may start getting rid of stuff-YOUR stuff.
He never thought you would leave-you left. You don't 'think' he'll get rid of your stuff-but you don't know that..
You need to sort this Tenancy agreement ASAP and he needs to either take over the tenancy in his name or find somewhere else to live.

RAS

You need to remove everything that belongs to you and DD on Friday. Otherwise you may find it has been donated to the local charity shop or burned.

You also need to clarify (in writing not texts) that the property is rented in your name and that you have terminated the contract. Even if he stays there and take over the tenancy, you HAVE to terminate your contract in law unless you want to remain permanently liable for his rent.

Do not do this until you have got everything out of the house that you want.

Treevo

Why in earth are you paying his bills?! And you won't go to the CSA, why?