Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

teawithmilk

Hello again, I never said I wanted to restrict access. . . in fact I want to encourage it for DDs sake. I just dont know if you can do all three at the same time- i.e. divorce, financial clean break and agreeing arrangements for DD.

paulineb_2

No, but other people are making comments that they think your ex is going to try and run off with your daughter, that is what I was responding to.

And Im sure you can do all of the above, people do manage to divorce and manage to allow kids to see the parent they dont live with, even when the marriage has broken down

Its legal advice that you need though re all of this.

CH27

paulineb wrote: »

We have no idea what the OPs ex is going to do. I think its fine to give advice but to say reading between the lines hes going to take the daughter isnt helping matters at all.

You do need good practical advice OP, but your ex is going to have to be involved and unless there are reasons to keep him away from your daughter, ie bail conditions or a restraining order then he has every right legally as far as I am aware to try and get access

I think you need to get some proper advice, legal advice about your options, not be scared into anything people some people on here think hes going to snatch your child.

He has family in Scotland, that doesnt mean hes going to uproot and go there.

And of course you need to be prepared for the worst case scenario but that doesnt mean its going to happen.

Keeping your daughter away from him if she wants to see him could prove very difficult.

It's making the OP aware of what can happen when people are desperate.
Being aware is good.

Errata

teawithmilk wrote: »

Hello again, I never said I wanted to restrict access. . . in fact I want to encourage it for DDs sake. I just dont know if you can do all three at the same time- i.e. divorce, financial clean break and agreeing arrangements for DD.

Of course you can. Have you looked at the Wikivorce website? You'll find all the info there on the things you don't understand, and it has a good forum.

teawithmilk

thankyou to everyone. I do really appreciate all your advice and you are right that I should be aware and prepared for all scenarios. I might e mail soliciot tomorrow as I havent heard from her what the next step is with all the papers (divorce petition etc) that I gave her last Friday. I will ask about residency.

RAS

I was going to ask a couple of questions but found the answers in your previous posts.

teawithmilk wrote: »

he muttered something about he thought I was only going to be away for a few nights. I still dont think he understands what is going on I suppose this is my fault as when I texted him the other day I said I was going away for a few days. Im taking Dd around again tomorrow (he didnt ask me to but it Is fathers day)

teawithmilk wrote: »

he still seems to be sleeping on the sofa bed downstairs even though there are two beds (mine and DDs) upstairs maybe it just hasnt occurred to him that they are now free.

He hasnt fed or looked after her pets either. He has a habit of turning the fish tank filter off at night as the sound annoys him and I always turn it back on in the morning so they dont die and he hasnt been doing that so I must get the pets away.

teawithmilk wrote: »

..its a bit like camping in the house as we are sleeping on a futon (not v comfortable) and have no furniture.

According to your previous posts, there is a history of you asking your ex to move out and him staying? And you all just carry on??

So you "move out", leaving all the furniture in the house and the pets?

And you tell ex you have just moved out for a few days?

At the old house, everything looks exactly as it always has except that you are not there.

Why or how do you think that your ex or DD should really believe that you mean to end this relationship permanently? When all the visible signs are that you are just playing at camping out in another house??

You needed to remove at very least your DD's bed and pets and some of the other furniture (the sofa bed might have been a good idea).

You are not sending the right messages to either of them.

And if your ex gets a new house, what prevents him taking the whole lot? Or leaving and givng every thing to charity?

You are divorcing your ex on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour but you seem to think that he is going to respond to your actions by being reasonable???

What basis do you have for this assumption?

You need to get this sorted before the divorce papers are served.

girlatplay

Hi teawithmilk I think you have been very brave doing what you have done (leaving). I have done similar and I know how hard it is. Well done for gathering the courage and going.

In Scotland (this is nothing to do with your husband running off to Scotland by the way) when you get a divorce the divorce, financial arrangements and child arrangements can all be done at the one time. Does anyone know if there is something similar in England or do they have to be done separately?

In the meantime, going back to your post about your safe haven, I have a safe haven for my DD and I. We started in council accommodation and as my finances improved we bought our own flat. Things have always been tight but it gets easier as the years go by and now we are overpaying on the mortgage, saving for expensive holidays , enjoying more treats than we used to. It will get easier for you.

I was also thinking, instead of you wishing there was another adult around to entertain DD when you are cooking for her, could you teach her to cook at the same time? Some kids love to help make their own meals. The fact that it is just the two of you is good in that she can have your full attention on a one to one basis. You can teach her basic health and safety rules in the kitchen and it will stand her in good stead for when she has to cook for herself. Also, since she will see how the food is made, it will take her mind off the lenght of time it is taking. She will see it every step of the way. Just an idea.

I wish you all the very best on your journey.

paulineb_2

CH27 wrote: »

It's making the OP aware of what can happen when people are desperate.
Being aware is good.

Im perfectly aware of that. But it can also cause unnecessary stress and worry at what is already a stressful time.

pukkamum

paulineb wrote: »

Im perfectly aware of that. But it can also cause unnecessary stress and worry at what is already a stressful time.

I agree pauline I think some of these posts are inflammatory and scary there has been suggestions of not leaving her dd with him in case he 'does something' and of him taking her daughter away none of which the op had even intimated he was capable of.
Please op be careful of taking all posts as read, you know this man no-one else does and only you can make the right decisions for you and your daughter, don't let some posts turn him into a monster in your mind at a time when you are vunerable.

NAR

pukkamum wrote: »

I agree pauline I think some of these posts are inflammatory and scary there has been suggestions of not leaving her dd with him in case he 'does something' and of him taking her daughter away none of which the op had even intimated he was capable of.
Please op be careful of taking all posts as read, you know this man no-one else does and only you can make the right decisions for you and your daughter, don't let some posts turn him into a monster in your mind at a time when you are vunerable.

I think is completely OTT and not what anybody intended, I'm sure, I certainly didn't. OP reported remarks that her OH had expressed in relation to their daughter and people are trying to put Teawithmilk on her guard, pure and simple.