Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

teawithmilk

I like the idea of a removal company actually (maybe a man with a van wouldnt be too expensive) especially for the outdoor pets as I wouldnt even need to be around for them to move them (just moving hutches from one garden to another)

Now that a week has gone by I am hoping that he is not going to get all wierd on me and start chucking out my stuff. He would be cruel to destroy anything of DDs anyway, although I know he hasnt been feeding her pets.

He would go mental if he got any correspondence from CSA at this stage. To be honest I hadnt even thought of that, I have been so used to supporting the whole family financially on my wage anyway for years and years that it didnt occur to me that he should pay anything!

I have a massive spreadsheet done now with all my costs for running the household in my new house (for DD and I), and my wage just covers it with £19 per month spare! Ive gone for a long fixed rate mortgage so I know my costs won't go up if interest goes up, there is a bit built in for a modest holiday and Christmas/Birthdays. The mortgage payment is exactly the same as I am paying in rent at the moment but I will have extra costs with buildings insurance. So I dont need him financially.

DD and I might be relatively poor and not have much spare for luxuries but at least it will all be paid for and it will be our little safe haven...I am so looking forward to it if it all goes to plan.

Treevo

Reading between the lines it seems obvious that he's planning on trying to take your daughter from you so you need to ensure that he can't do that. For her sake. He can't even be bothered to look after her pets for crying out loud.

If I were you, I'd arrange for your stuff to be moved out, then contact the CSA and get a residency order. Just because you don't want his money doesn't mean you shouldn't get it. Save it for your DD if you want, but he should be taking partial financial responsibility for her.

teawithmilk

That is worrying, what gives you the impression he is going to try and take her from me?

RAS

teawithmilk

Doing a divorce is the easy bit; you do not need a solicitor for it, just the forms downloaded from the internet and the court fee.

The complex bit is the residency order, contact arrangments ( the usual rule is that the non-resident parent collects and returns but some people share) possibly an occupation order and possibly a prohibitive steps order.

If your OH has family outside England and Wales or has worked somewhere else and might get work back there, you need the PSO to stop him removing her.

Has your solicitor discussed any of this with you???

Treevo

teawithmilk wrote: »

That is worrying, what gives you the impression he is going to try and take her from me?

Wanting to bribe her with a holiday and saying that he's making plans for her, but refusing to tell you what they are.

If he only has you and her, then he's going to try and guilt her into living with him and turning you into the bad guy.

teawithmilk

His family live in Scotland. But his mum would never ever agree to him taking her away from me and running away back to her- I get on well with her, she is a nice lady, she knows that I have been a good wife to him all these years (in spite of him saying Im rubbish and do nothing for him) and she knows his shortcomings. Plus he wouldnt be able to get a job up there and I seriously doubt he would "demean" himself (he is a snob) by living on benefits......he wouldnt get them anyway if he packed in his job would he? And MIL cares about DD and would never want to see her upset/seperated from me.

Wanting to bribe her with the holiday- she doesn't really want to go anyway. She is refusing to go abroad, I have her passport and so he could only take her to a cottage or hotel...Its me that is encouraging her to spend time with her Dad, partly because I think she should continue to see him regularly as she does miss him, and also selfishly because I do not want to be accused of refusing access and having this go against me.

Solicitor hasnt really discussed any of this with me...but if I get any warning signs that he might be considering this then I would act quickly. My main worry is the summer hols. Normally he would look after her a lot. She starts high school in September- even in an absolute worst case scenario if he ran off with her back to his mums for the summer when he wasnt working he would HAVE to bring her back for September and school surely??

Maybe I have got this completely wrong but I just dont think he could be bothered doing it, he is quite a lazy person and plotting all that would take some effort on his part!

Treevo

But he has the motivation now he's alone. What else is he going to do?

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

Normally he would look after her a lot. She starts high school in September- even in an absolute worst case scenario if he ran off with her back to his mums for the summer when he wasnt working he would HAVE to bring her back for September and school surely??

Maybe I have got this completely wrong but I just dont think he could be bothered doing it, he is quite a lazy person and plotting all that would take some effort on his part!

No

If he has parental responsibility he can take your daughter anywhere he wants and there is nothing you can do to get her back except fight a lengthy court case.

Scotland is a different legal jurisdiction so nothing you did in the courts here would have any impact; you would have to deal with the Scottish courts. Could easily take a year to sort out.

He could jus enrol her in a school in Scotland (two or three weeks before school starts in England) and then go from there.

teawithmilk

OK I will speak to solicitor (more money!)

If he did that then he would be breaking her heart (and mine) it would be completely against her wishes...she is stable and safe at the moment, OK we have just split up but she is still at same school, she is to go to high school with all her current school friends, she is near family, cousins, all her support networks, wouldnt she get a big say in which parent she would be with? or is it like objects and posession is 9 tenths of the law- how horrible to think of it that way.

Treevo

teawithmilk wrote: »

OK I will speak to solicitor (more money!)

If he did that then he would be breaking her heart (and mine) it would be completely against her wishes...she is stable and safe at the moment, OK we have just split up but she is still at same school, she is to go to high school with all her current school friends, she is near family, cousins, all her support networks, wouldnt she get a big say in which parent she would be with? or is it like objects and posession is 9 tenths of the law- how horrible to think of it that way.

Yes, but how would any of that stop him in practice?

It's far more sensible to get the residency order sorted now before he could do anything like that.