Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Errata

I think you need to be very honest with her, it's a difficult situation for her to understand and you have sole responsibility for helping her to understand. A first step would be acknowledging to her about how difficult it is for her to understand because she's still only 11.
Is there a sensible grownup around that she's close to she could talk through her feelings with?

saterkey

wow have just read your thread start to finish and its gripping stuff, not sure if that's the right word sorry, heart rending, sad etc. so glad your in your rented house and getting a bit sorted. just a couple of things he might well change the locks on the house soon, so if you have anything left there, pets, paperwork, get it asap if I were you, can you go during the day, lunchtime when hes at work? give yourself time to settle before moving again perhaps. Having your ebay account disturbs me, close the account completely perhaps, hell probably know how to change your password again as he has the account details. Ebay, paypal, any bank stuff change or close down all accounts, amazon? good luck x

teawithmilk

A couple of weekends ago I took her to see my brother, who has been divorced twice, and he had a long chat with her and she came away seeming more settled in her mind about what happens when grown ups split up. Im lucky to have my family supporting me, although they are all busy with their own problems and day to day crises.

I will mention it to her teacher,she also has a friend at school whos parents split up and I know she has been talking to this little girl quite a bit about it. Luckily she only has until the end of term to go and they are busy doing nice exciting things like end of school play and visits to new high school. Im trying to cheer her up by saying how exciting it will be to start high school.

Mind you, her cousin wasnt helping today at lunch as she was trying to get me to book centrparks to cheer her up- no way could I afford that at the moment esp as they were looking at the treehouses that cost 3k per weekend!!

Im seeing mortgage advisor tomorrow lunch to proceed with house purchase- hoping this all goes to plan so I can REALLY surprise DD with something nice when I get the keys- our very own place to make our own.

LannieDuck

You're doing really well.

I agree with the others - let your OH know it's permanent soon, because that will be affecting your DD's impression that it's only temporary. Let her know that, even though you and her Dad are living apart, she can spend time with her Dad whenever she wants. But I agree with you that there's no point forcing it if he doesn't want it and neither does she.

I don't have any experience of how to explain divorce to children, but I think it's a good idea to mention it to her school, and maybe someone on here can give some better first-hand advice?

teawithmilk

oh poo. She has just been nosing around my work bag and found my file with all divorce paperwork. she has obviously read some of it as she is asking why Im saying daddy is unreasonable. . . .

thorsoak

Would she normally have a rummage around? Or has daddy asked her to?

You now have to sit down with her and go through everything in a way in which a 10 year old will understand x

thorsoak

Don't forget - your DD will not recognise his behaviour as unreasonable - to her, that's the way that dads do behave. Somehow, you are going to have to explain that the way he behaves is not normal.

Errata

teawithmilk wrote: »

oh poo. She has just been nosing around my work bag and found my file with all divorce paperwork. she has obviously read some of it as she is asking why Im saying daddy is unreasonable. . . .

Of course she's had a rummage, she wants to know what's going on and feels that she doesn't. You've already told her that moving had to be kept a secret from her dad, don't you think she'll be wondering how many more secrets there are that she's not aware of. Put your cards on the table and be honest with her.

CH27

It's time to be honest with her & tell her the split is permanent.
She needs to know what the future plans are & that she can trust you.

teawithmilk

She is always nosey! I cant keep anything secret from her. . .I keep forgetting what a good reader she is.