Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

MrsAtobe

Many moons ago, I was (unusually, at that time) given the choice at the age of 7 as to which parent I wanted to live with. I'd imagine that your daughter would be given the same choice, given her age and the more enlightened times we now live in.

teawithmilk

I had to fill out a statement of arrangements for children which I gave back to solicitor with divorce petition.....how does that tie in with any residency order, or doesnt it?? I just put on that form (in agreement with my solicitor) that she would live with me but that he could see her whenever he wanted and was reasonable (worded in legal jargon)

RAS

Possesion is 9/tenths of the law particularly when the court jurisdiction is different; if you want to freak out read RainbowDreamers long threads. The children were returned to her several times and he just took them again. Looks like she now has them permanently. Easier to do with small children.

In England at DDs age her say would matter, but you have no way of knowing what might go on over the months.

There was an OP on one forum who left a wealthy DV situation; ex later attacked her and was actually imprisoned. After he got out, he got contact and then promised the daughter who hated living in a council property that she could have a pony etc, etc.

So the DV victim now has to pay the ex CSA money and cannot get the equity out of the house providing the roof over the daughter's head. Essentially the Dv continues via different routes, at least until the DD is 18 or so.

teawithmilk

Thats scary. Can I get a residency order without having to get him to sign anything???? does he even have to be involved???

I will look at the forms straight away. Surprised my solicitor didnt really mention this but maybe she thought things wouldnt be too acrimonious betwen us- im hoping that he sees sense and doesnt kick off but I need to be prepared.....

RAS

You are the one advising her whether things are acrimonious or not.

Have to told her what he has said about having plans for DD but is not being prepared to share them??

Have you told her that he comes from Bonnie Scotland and has family there?

And since he has to move out by early September, there is nothing to tie him to the locality.

Filey

teawithmilk wrote: »

OK I will speak to solicitor (more money!)

If he did that then he would be breaking her heart (and mine) it would be completely against her wishes...she is stable and safe at the moment, OK we have just split up but she is still at same school, she is to go to high school with all her current school friends, she is near family, cousins, all her support networks, wouldnt she get a big say in which parent she would be with? or is it like objects and posession is 9 tenths of the law- how horrible to think of it that way.

____________________________________________________

I expect you know the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." It applies equally to men, and can lead to no end of unpleasantness. Your daughter's father is probably not sufficiently well organised to do anything unpleasant but rather than be taken unawares by any nefarious plotting on his part you should remember the equally well known saying "Forewarned is fore armed".

He probably won't be planning to move her to Scotland but it might be as well to get advice from someone (your solicitor, members of this forum, citizens' advice bureau) about what you should do to forestall anything that involves him moving your daughter elsewhere. After all, he has parental rights.

Obviously nothing is likely to be done in the near future, but during the summer holidays he could take her to Scotland and decide not to return. This is all pure speculation, but before schools break up you need to talk to him. Hopefully by then he will have got used to the idea of you and him being separated.

None of this will probably happen but I always think it best to look ahead, just in case.

kelpie35

Re man with a van. If you have a Facebook account you might be able to get one in your area. Also look on Gumtree in your area for small removals. They are usually quite cheap.

I got one to move a 3 piece suite 15 miles and they charged £15.

Hope you manage to get something sorted very soon.

Take care.

Th

Errata

teawithmilk wrote: »

Thats scary. Can I get a residency order without having to get him to sign anything???? does he even have to be involved???

I will look at the forms straight away. Surprised my solicitor didnt really mention this but maybe she thought things wouldnt be too acrimonious betwen us- im hoping that he sees sense and doesnt kick off but I need to be prepared.....

The court will decide to grant you a residency order, or not, depending on who tells the court what.

NAR

NAR wrote: »

He maybe has a crazy plan of going for sole custody of DD. Your solicitor will advice on the best way forward. Good luck.

OP I did raise this in a post on 14th June; you need to have all bases covered.

paulineb_2

We have no idea what the OPs ex is going to do. I think its fine to give advice but to say reading between the lines hes going to take the daughter isnt helping matters at all.

You do need good practical advice OP, but your ex is going to have to be involved and unless there are reasons to keep him away from your daughter, ie bail conditions or a restraining order then he has every right legally as far as I am aware to try and get access

I think you need to get some proper advice, legal advice about your options, not be scared into anything people some people on here think hes going to snatch your child.

He has family in Scotland, that doesnt mean hes going to uproot and go there.

And of course you need to be prepared for the worst case scenario but that doesnt mean its going to happen.

Keeping your daughter away from him if she wants to see him could prove very difficult.