Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

thorsoak

WHOO-HOO!!!! Go, girl go!!! As Tayforth says "if it's for you, it won't go by you".

Fingers crossed .......xxxxxx

tayforth

Oh my goodness! That's amazing!!! :beer:

From what I've read on here, your ex can't force the sale of your primary residence until your daughter is 18 or finished FT education, so you'll be safe there IMHO.


When will the estate agent get back to you?


The house does sound lovely, I have all my fingers crossed that you get it. And you have your little bolthole to live in while the sale goes through. Things are looking up

LannieDuck

You "have the big mo[mentum]"! I'm sure that's a quote from a film I've seen, but can't remember which one.

You're on a role - go with it

justme111

From reading your posts I have a feeling your ex will not try to get you sell the house . You come across as a reasonable one as well so I am sure you will make him a fair offer. Congratulations ! X

teawithmilk

I got my draft divorce petition through by e mail today to check. It all sounds awful when you read it in print. He will go mad when he reads it as he will deny everything (in the petition it mentions all sorts of stuff -all true- but sounds awful, e.g. excessive drinking yet he claimed to me at the weekend to have not touched any drink for three weeks- apparently in his universe that doesnt include lager as he was drinking that on saturday!)

I have been very interested in doing a bit of reading around "gaslighting" as I think this is what he has been doing to me for a long time. I have invested some money on books - a guide to divorce, and some other books about co-dependency which I think I very much demonstrate traits of.

Anyhow the worm has turned!

Maybe I have totally screwed up my whole case by putting that offer in on the house but I have had my life on hold and no goals to work to for over 4 years now so I want something to look forward to! I'm going to have that little house for me and DD to start afresh whatever happens....it will give me something to aim for.

I just wish I could get things moving even quicker now.

I dont want to be e-mailling my solicitor every time I have a query as she seesm to charge me for every e-mail, even a very short one..... the draft divorce petition is coming out by post and should be at my house (well actually I'm getting it sent to my mum's) tomorrow.

Does anyone know what the next step is? and at what point do we start to talk (or not talk!) about money??

tayforth

Well done, you are amazing! Give yourself a pat on the back for having come so far already. The worm has turned indeed! There's no stopping you now

I agree that you should try to keep the emails to your solicitor to a minimum. I don't know a lot about divorce myself yet (I'm learning), but I'll try to help if you have any queries, and there are lots of posters here who are very knowledgeable about it. The 'guide to divorce' book you've ordered should be helpful. Also, have a look at the Wikivorce website, it's full of information.


Gaslighting is scary, isn't it? My ex did the same to me. It's so insidious that you don't even realise that it's happening, never mind what it's called. I bet that you had a feeling that something wasn't right, though.


Just go easy on yourself and take one day at a time.

teawithmilk

Thanks Tayforth. Was shattered over the weekend. My mum is showing real signs of dementia now, eg not taking her medicines and not feeding herself properly so I had to go round four or five times to check up on her. I try and get her to eat and also drink (I think she can go hours without realising she is thirsty sometimes) but she ends up arguing with me, being stubborn, refusing to listen when I read stuff like instructions about how to take medicine out to her, even though it is clearly written down on the label, then I try not to get mad with her, but then mum notices my strained tone of voice and starts to get upset because she thinks I'm mad at her and the more I try and calm down the situation the more agitated and stubborn she becomes.

Husband was mad this morning because mum phoned up at 5am to inform me she had no food in her cupboards- and woke him up. Ha Ha I had to smile at that, he couldnt blame me for that!

so having to deal with all that as well!

DD is now starting to act up- she is constantly arguing with husband, she is being more cheeky to him and I try and tell her to respect her dad but its difficult to tell her off when she is speaking the truth.

Heres what she wrote to me when I told her off at the weekend. She told me she never wanted to see me again and slammed her bedroom door. She has a habit of going off in a strop and leaving notes on the stairs for me to find! these are her exact words (and she is only 10)

"I know that you wont listen to me but I just want to say that you never understand, you always say you do but you dont. And Daddy always takes control of everything, and you let him walk all over you and that makes him walk all over me and its bad because you should not let him else he'll do it all the time. And Daddy always gets angry if things dont go his way and he moans about everything. Love (DDs name) ps sorry the things I said I did not mean."

That makes me doubly determined...she is quite perceptive for a 10 yr old I think. She says she wants to be a psychologist when she grows up....maybe she has had a lot of practice already with her messed up mum!

NAR

Firstly sorry about mum's health.

Now well done you on getting the "house of your dreams."

I've been divorced and will be happy to advise on anything, by PM if you like.

As previously advised keep exchanges with solicitor to a minimum as every email, letter and phone call will cost you dear.

The reasons for the divorce may get him mad, tell him if he wants to challenge the petition to go ahead; he will quickly learn that will cost him a fortune!

Next step is he accepts/challenges the petition. I refuted a number of the things in the petition against me but accepted the marriage was over and the judge accepted that.

When you are getting closer to the decree nisi court case your solicitor will ask him and you (if not already provided)to provide his financial details, so that a Financial Consent order can be drawn up. This is the division of the marital assets, hopefully your money will be in your new house by this stage. Make sure your solicitor gets what is called a clean break Financial Consent order, that way each party is protected from future claims against each other eg inheritance, lottery win etc.

Your DD sounds amazing and I think she is going to enjoy the new strong woman in her life!

That's enough for now! :rotfl:

teawithmilk

Thank thank thank you for all the support.

I will be off line tomorrow as I am taking a day off work. Cant get internet access easily at home as it is "his" computer and he keeps it password protected so I have to use DD's when she isnt using it. Busy as usual.....check on mum...pet back to vet for post op check up....moving stuff to my "secret" rented bungalow....and if I get enough courage up I will also be telling him I'm off (with DD)

LannieDuck

I think the next step is to move into your rented house. I would hold off giving him the divorce papers until you're out (if you can).