Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

daffie

P.S. Yes, if you're married, everything - assets and debts- is owned jointly. This can have massive implications on divorce settlement, but can be sorted out. Money is not the only thing in life.

teawithmilk

....And I know it sounds like I am making excuses all the time fir not being gone already. I'm just shattered/exhausted as I haven't had a decent nights sleep in weeks. Now making a list at 4am of all the stuff from DDs room that I might urgently need ie uniform ipod charger and her favorite cuddly toys- little things like that are so important to her and he would never in a million years realise that. I also have responsibilities to this house we are in at the moment- her pets are outside which I will have to sneak round every day and feed until I can get them shifted in a van. Pls just keep on my back so I keep motivated to get this move done asap. I only have a bed and a telly at the other house so no home comforts for DD so have to try and make it a bit more like home for her. Got to get ready for work in less than two hours!

Eager_Elephant

Your DD will be fine with no 'home comforts' - treat it like a camping adventure, there are no home comforts there!!
Get on freecycle and gumtree and see what else they have that you might need.

Of course DD will be upset about not living with her father but she will come to terms with it and will be much happier.

Now you have told her you are leaving you need to go asap otherwise she might think you are staying together.

Have you got a neighbour who could take the pets for a week so you don't have to sneak around?

Decide on a day this week and just move everything - tell all your family and friends and they will all pull together for you.

I would also just like to say that I am very proud of you for making this decision and hope in 1 week you will be settled in your home.

daffie

I agree! Camping adventure in new place be great fun for you both. It's wonderful to realise what you can do without and once you've gained your freedom you will be so much happier. I spent weeks sleeping on a leaky airbed with no other furniture- no TV, no sofa, no table... - and had never felt happier in my life. You need essentials for your daughter, but don't make this into an excuse to delay. There are very few really essential essentials! Be brave.

LannieDuck

Aww, poor DD. Lots of reassurance needed that this is nothing to do with her. I wonder if some of the posters on here who went through their parents splitting up could advise on how best to tackle your DD's worries?

Would her school have someone she could talk to about it? Or is she close enough to her grandparents that they could reassure her?

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

So this week I am moving out. I will do this. I know I can do it now!

Well done you, just don't look back. With regards DD you need to give her masses of reassurance about her future and that she is not to blame in any way. Good luck.

tayforth

teawithmilk - I am so so proud of you, you're doing amazingly well. A whole new world of freedom is about to open up for you!

I agree with the others - you don't need much to begin with, and freecycle will provide a lot of what you need. I know that I would prioritise you and your DD if I were giving stuff away, don't be afraid to tell people about your situation.

Your DD may benefit from speaking to someone else, either within or outside the family. She might feel that she can't be totally honest with you about her feelings, in case she hurts you. Is there anyone she can talk to? Are her teachers aware of what's going on?


Is there someone who could come with a van to take the pets on the day that you're leaving?

Errata

As you seem to have decided to move quite quickly, do you have reliable childcare organised for your DD? If your current childcare arrangements will stay as they are, would your DD feel sufficiently emotionally supported by the childcarer to discuss her feelings with them?

tayforth

How are you now? I'm sure that you're exhausted after being up all night making plans. I was the same when I was planning to leave my ex. Adrenaline can keep you going at a time like this. But only for so long.

I hope that you get a bit of sleep tonight xxx

thorsoak

Thinking of you Teawithmilk - hope things are beginning to pan out okay now.