Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

RAS

Hi

I strongly advise that you move into the new house and then get someone to serve the divorce papers on him.

You will need to think about contact arrangments for your daughter is of the age when courts will start to take note of her wishes (the note she left you above could be useful so keep it).

You might want to start with supervised contact at a centre near you?

Errata

teawithmilk wrote: »

Thank thank thank you for all the support.

I will be off line tomorrow as I am taking a day off work. Cant get internet access easily at home as it is "his" computer and he keeps it password protected so I have to use DD's when she isnt using it. Busy as usual.....check on mum...pet back to vet for post op check up....moving stuff to my "secret" rented bungalow....and if I get enough courage up I will also be telling him I'm off (with DD)

I'd suggest you do tell him you and DD are moving out, otherwise he could think the worst and report you as missing.
Be the nice guy, so you can hold your head up high.

RAS

Errata wrote: »

I'd suggest you do tell him you and DD are moving out, otherwise he could think the worst and report you as missing.
Be the nice guy, so you can hold your head up high.

I would be concerned for the OPs safety doing this face to face; it is the most dangerous time in relationship breakdown. I would leave him a letter tellling him what has happened.

paulineb_2

Errata wrote: »

I'd suggest you do tell him you and DD are moving out, otherwise he could think the worst and report you as missing.
Be the nice guy, so you can hold your head up high.

I agree with the concerns that she might not be safe, being the nice guy in all of this isnt important, her and her daughters safety is the main issue her.

tattycath

I was the nice guy in the break up with my ex and he milked it for all it was worth and screwed me over too-emotionally and financially.
OP has to ensure the safety of herself and her DD.
She doesn't have to play nice guy and I don't think she should bend over backwards to be nice. I agree she should move. Out and leave him a letter. She should have papers served on her ex when she has the house she is currently purchasing.

Errata

Have I missed the post about the husband being violent and that's why the OP is moving out?

tayforth

Well done again, TWM. You are really amazing, and coping with your mum as well can't be easy. I hope that you sleep well tonight.

I don't know whether you should tell your OH face to face or in a letter that you're leaving, only you know how likely it is that he'll kick off. I'd be tempted to leave a letter, tbh. That way, you're not disappearing, but you're getting away quietly and without a scene.

Your DD sounds like a very intelligent little girl! I'm sure that you and she will get on well in your new place.

Keep us posted xxx

teawithmilk

Divorce petition will send him nuts- it mentions his excessive drinking., actually to be fair to him he seems to have cut down over the last week- but he goes through phases and sometimes he can drink over a bottle of wine per night even midweek (more on the weekend) I dont drink at all now-not because Im some prudish person but it just disgusts me when I see him spending so much on booze when we could be saving it for house deposit...and it got to a stage where I would have one or two glasses on a weekend while he would have 2 bottles- then he would say we had "shared" it??!! but my 2 glasses does not equal his 2 bottles.

He has done this throughout our relationship- got me to the brink of leavng then changed his ways briefly so that I had thought he was changing then lo and behold 3 months later he was back in same pattern.

bsms1147

Hi TWM

Just spent the best part of an hour reading this from start to finish and just want to wish you good luck. You're definitely doing the right thing.

teawithmilk

this is the last time i can post here until tomorrow when im back at work, got to log off DDs computer and clear all browsing history.

Spent all day clearing out most of my important stuff, now in a panic in case he gets back from work early. He shouldnt be home before 5 but you never know.

Im leaving today. Going to the rented house for me and DD. he will really kick off...god knows what will happen tonight. Dont even know how to tell him, seems a bit rubbish to leave a note.

House looks sad without all my stuff - didnt realise I had so much and was so messy.

Just planning on packing one more load in the car and going.

Still got loads of stuff here but got the essentials and anything else i find have left behind I can buy at 24 hr supermarket e.g. socks for DD.

Might be able to get online later if I go round to my mums- shes not bad on tecchie stuff for an 83 yr old and my brother has set her up with an apple mac and broadband!!

Wish me luck- have butterfiles in my tummy!