Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

LannieDuck

...but at least the budget is under your control.

Keep in mind your end goal in all of this - a settled home for DD and separation from your OH's debts

paulineb_2

teawithmilk wrote: »

Back at work OK today...must actually concentrate on getting some serious work done today as I am behind with everything and all my project deadlines are looming. Dont want to get the sack on top of everything else!

DD was an absolute star last night- helping to tidy up, unpack, not making a fuss, giving me cuddles and cheering me up, the only bad thing that happened was that whilst tidying up she found a huge bag of presents that I had stashed for her birthday/Christmas (I buy bargains in advance!) so I let her choose a couple as a treat for being so good. Small price to pay for her being such a perfect child. I can'y believe I am so lucky to have her.

She got up for school today quite happy and she seems really happy with the new house. I let her stay up late watching Spiderwick last night as I knew she would find it hard to get to sleep. So what, she has finished her SATs now anyway and its just the usual wind down towards the end of term.

I havent heard from Husband. I knew he would be on his way home at around 5ish yesterday and tried to call him but his phone was switched off, or he was in a no reception area. I left several messages and sent him a text saying that we were going to be staying away for a few days. He phoned me from the house phone (obviously he had just got in and seen my text)

I realise that I should have left a note but even that would have seemed a bit to late really.

He was ranting on about how I had been sneaky and devious (I knew he would say that) and he said that he would never forgive me. He was especially mad because he feels that because he apologised after our mega argument on Sunday (and he says I never apologise, I probably dont these days because I am so demoralised) that things were OK between us. One small apology isnt going to make up for 20 years of me being taken for granted.

Anyway he slammed the phone down on me..

he never phobned back,not even at DDs bedtime.

I have just e mailled him asking if we can go round tonight as DD says she wants to see him tonight and we could do with discussing some things face to face. I also doubt he has bothered with DDs pets so they will need feeding.

Im worried now that he will take it out on DD as he sees her as being complicit in all this. He did say when he was ranting at me that he would see her "whenever and wherever he wanted, on his terms" and I said fine, he could see her whenever he wanted (within reason)

So I will just have to see what happens today. Got to go pick up my divorce petition and sign it and return it.....he will go nuts because it has 6 grounds: it says that he takes no responsibility, he is jealous of the relationship I have with DD, he complains that i do not do anything for him, he drinks to excess, that we are now leading seperate lives, and that he doesnt contribute towards family life. This is all true but he will still go ballistic.

I think you should make provision for getting the pets out of there if you are concerned that they wont be looked after.

Well done.

RAS

Regarding pets, contact the Cinnamon Trust, they can foster them if you need short-term help and think they will be neglected if left at the other house.

Have you formally given the LL notice of the end of the tenancy, as otherwise you remain liable for the debt?

NAR

Glad the move went reasonably painlessly, despite your OH's rants on the phone. Perhaps DD will give him some home truths tonight, which will give him plenty of food for thought.

Onwards and upwards girl! :beer:

teawithmilk

Pets are outside so I can either go round everyday if I'm sure he is at work and feed and clean them..until i can get a van and shift them. We have agarden at new rented house so thats not a problem and I have landlords permission to have them in the garden.

Tenancy on house that husband is in (up until yesterday I thought of it as home but its wierd how that has changed overnight) is up in September. Its in my name only so I suppose I am technically breaching tenancy agreement by only having him living there (especially as he is not named on the lease) and me not being resident there but I dont have time to worry about that at the moment. So I have told him in recent arguments/discussions that the tenancy is up in September and that I wont be renewing it so he technically has two and a half months to find another place for himself. I have budgeted for the worst case scenario and assumed that he will refuse to pay me for the rent so he will be possiby living there rent free (with me paying for it as i am liable) until September.

I am going to give notice but only when I legally need to (I think I have to give 1 months notice), I'm not telling them now...otherwise they will be advertising it and showing people round. I need to check my tenancy agreement.

In an ideal world husband will sort himself out a small house or flat before then. Im prepared to help him with this if we can be grown up about it.

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

Tenancy on house that husband is in (up until yesterday I thought of it as home but its wierd how that has changed overnight) is up in September. Its in my name only so I suppose I am technically breaching tenancy agreement by only having him living there (especially as he is not named on the lease) and me not being resident there but I dont have time to worry about that at the moment. So I have told him in recent arguments/discussions that the tenancy is up in September and that I wont be renewing it so he technically has two and a half months to find another place for himself. I have budgeted for the worst case scenario and assumed that he will refuse to pay me for the rent so he will be possiby living there rent free (with me paying for it as i am liable) until September.

I am going to give notice but only when I legally need to (I think I have to give 1 months notice), I'm not telling them now...otherwise they will be advertising it and showing people round. I need to check my tenancy agreement.

In an ideal world husband will sort himself out a small house or flat before then. Im prepared to help him with this if we can be grown up about it.

You realise that the worst case scenario is that he refuses to move out and you remain liable for the rent until you provide the LL with vacant possession?

teawithmilk

If he does that I will go to his mum. She will be really upset but Im sure she would give me the money. But thats my absolute last resort..I dont want to embarrass him or get involved with his family in that way. I really have to play it by ear and hope he calms down and sees that we have to be reasonable about this. Yes in his eyes I have been very devious and sneaky, and I do feel guilty for that, and I feel awful, and I feel sorry for him and so very sad that it has come to this.....but I have given him the option to communicate with me so many times over the last few months. Even up to last week I was virtually begging him to open up and start talking to me about our future. So surely no one can blame me for thinking of myself for once in 20 yrs and making sure DD is away from that horrible atmosphere. I doubt he is feeling guilty or worrying about my feelings.

RAS

Glad you have got a plan B. That places you in a much stronger position practically and emotionally.

Legally you do not need to give notice at all at the end of a fixed term contract whatever guff is in your contract.

You might want to go over to the renting forum and check out what happens if you give notice and he does not move out?

teawithmilk

....and I did try to get him to move out of the house. On umpteen occasions over the last 12 months I have asked him to move out during or following arguments and he has said "fine" then he never did, I think he thought I was just "crying wolf" so I just couldnt stand the atmosphere anymore and living in a virtual prison confined to upstairs (we didnt even have a telly upstairs) to avoid arguing with him.

RAS

Please go over to the renting forum for help (this is out of my knowledge range) and maybe speak to Shelter.

You may need an occupation order to get him out and then surrender the tenancy (if he refuses to get out by a defined date prior to the end of the tenancy?).

Things may be OK but you need to know how to deal with the unexpected.