Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

teawithmilk

Thanks, cant type much today as am at home with husband and DD (school hols) and things are calm. They are wantig to go out in the sun, and I cant object to that, i will have to drive them (us) somewhere nice. I need some fresh air myself anyway. I can handle things now I know that I have started the first steps towards making my life better. He made me tea when I got in from work yesterday (he had been at home all day with DD) but no apology from him about calling me a sh*t wife etc etc. He was just behaving as if nothing had happened, which is always the pattern with him. This is how he plays mind games with me.....We have almighty arguments, I ask him to leave, he says OK then he never does anything and pretends the conversation never happened. Then it makes me feel like I am the one overreacting etc

anyhow I woke up this morning feeling strangely calm. I know I can be in control of this thing I just have to be strong.

Thanks to everyone for the support, i hope you dont mind if I keep jotting things down, its really helping to get things off my chest. I appreciate all the comments and feedback.

Teawithmilk xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

RAS

teawithmilk

Glad you are feeling better today.

You are going to have to plan this with military precision and get all your ducks in a row before you make your move.

Hugs, we will be here for you when you need us.

teawithmilk

We had a quiet day and went shopping-almost behaving like a normal family. This afternoon I went to have a look at a house for sale literally just round the corner from the one we have been renting for two years. I love this area and the house was lovely. - I wish I could put in an offer. It only came on the market on wednesday and I was first one to view. - I feel very devious sneaking around behind his back. So he was being civil today like nothing had happened. Tonight though I was hoping DD would go to sleep early but she only got to sleep at eleven pm! I went downstairs and said to husband that - wanted to say how upset I was that he had called me a bad wife the other day and hoped that would open up a civil discussion. He refused to talk to me and wouldn't let me in the room! So I got mad and said I definately wanted divorce. He still refused to talk to me. So now I'm feeling even more motivated to finally start the ball rolling with something official. It just means DD and I will have miserable weekend as he will be in a mood. Will have to plan some contingencies to cheer her up eg cinema.

thorsoak

Strike whilst the iron is hot! Take your daughter around to the house that you like - and tell the agent that you are seriously interested in it - for just YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER!

Take your daughter fully into your confidence - life shouldn't always be a case of "cheering her up" - now it needs to be starting on your new life!

Go, TWM & DD - go!

LannieDuck

What's stopping you putting in an offer?

paulineb_2

thorsoak wrote: »

Strike whilst the iron is hot! Take your daughter around to the house that you like - and tell the agent that you are seriously interested in it - for just YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER!

Take your daughter fully into your confidence - life shouldn't always be a case of "cheering her up" - now it needs to be starting on your new life!

Go, TWM & DD - go!

I agree, so much of what you seem to do seems to be on your Oh's terms.

I dont think you are going to get anywhere if you dont make a break soon, in a years time you could still be threatening divorce and living in a toxic situation.

teawithmilk

Im committed to paying rent on that bingalow that I havent even moed into yet, until October! Again I did that when I was behaving like a headless chicken and trying to micromanage things to cause minimum disruption to DD. My mum says she can lend me money but that could have implicatiions for me as she may need care in the next few years.

I do REALLY want this house...im going to see mortgage advisor on Monday, made an appointment this morning.

Husband is being as nice as pie to me this morning, talking about booking holidays, really he is living in a different dimension, he is like jeckyl and hyde, I just dont want to kick off an argument in front of DD.

thorsoak

For heaven's sake, TWM ....just tell him "We're not going on holiday together - I'm getting a divorce instead!

If you really, truly, want to change your lives, take over - stop allowing him to waste money that you will need for your new home - just do it - we are all behind you.

You know that you would be giving this same advice to someone else in the position that you find yourself in now ....aren't you worth taking that advice? Go for it!

tayforth

Most house sales take a few months to complete.

Move into the rented house now.


Put in an offer on the other place.


The others are right, now is the time to take control of your own life, and we are all behind you.


As Nike would say: Just Do It.

teawithmilk

I've already told him I am not going on holiday but he keeps going on about it, like he is blanking out what is happening.

wish I'd spoken to a proper solicitor earlier in the year as the one on Fri was really helpful and said i could go for it and buy a house as long as it was for me and DD to live in. He could try and claim some of the house but if I borrow the deposit it would make that less likely.

so I messed up with this rented bungalow, thinking I was being clever and supeorganised...still at least it will be a bolthole if things get bad. 4k down the drain by the time ive paid all the rent. not very MSE!!