Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

teawithmilk

I'm great at organising stuff. I Have had to learn how to do this over the years. When I feel low and he puts me down I think about all the stuff I have to manage each day- from feeding the pets at 5.30am to getting DD to bed on time. It makes me feel a bit better about myself. The only thing I dont do in the house is cooking and thats only because he hates my cooking so i just let him get on with it, one less thing to do. Not to mentions all the work stuff I have to do during working hours. But I tend to do kneejerk reaction stuff. Like getting the lease on the house. Im starting to regret that now. i havent moved in and the way im feeling Im starting to think I'd have been better off staying put where I am and saving the money for a divorce. But I got the lease on that when i was feeling really low and he was particularly horrible to me to the point I felt like screaming.

My sister (who knows the full story about everything) says I shoudlnt feel too stupid with myself, it doesnt matter, I can always use the place as my bolthole if things get really bad and the lease will be up in October. But its just yet another example of me faffing about the edges without really tacking the problem.

Errata

Does the LL know you're not living in the property you're renting? It may have implications for his insurance.

teawithmilk

I've moved in some basic furniture. At the time I applied for the lease I was determined to move in on my own (with DD)

Ive begged/borrowed/bought some bits and pieces. And the garage has been useful for storing stuff when i had to tidy up for the house inspection on the house i live in with husband....basically we dont have a garage at the place I currently live with DD and husband so the hallway is cluttered with bikes, camping equipment etc. Its not causing damage to the walls but is incredibly messy.

So no im not living in it (yet)

just really confused and feeling stupid and wish I had my Dad to come along and make me feel 6yrs old again with a big cuddle.

paulineb_2

teawithmilk wrote: »

I've moved in some basic furniture. At the time I applied for the lease I was determined to move in on my own (with DD)

Ive begged/borrowed/bought some bits and pieces. And the garage has been useful for storing stuff when i had to tidy up for the house inspection on the house i live in with husband....basically we dont have a garage at the place I currently live with DD and husband so the hallway is cluttered with bikes, camping equipment etc. Its not causing damage to the walls but is incredibly messy.

So no im not living in it (yet)

just really confused and feeling stupid and wish I had my Dad to come along and make me feel 6yrs old again with a big cuddle.

Why havent you moved in if you and your daughter are so unhappy at home and you have somewhere else to go?

kelpie35

I just don't understand your thinking.

You have said that your DD does not feel safe and secure and also she is embarrassed by by her dad.

If you love your DD as much as you say why are you still living at home when you have taken a lease on another home.

pukkamum

My mum was in a similar situation to you with my stepdad, he got them in debt which led to having to remortgage then took voluntary redundancy without consulting her.
During this period the atmosphere in the house was truly awful, my sisters and I witnessed and heard nightly fights.
This then turned into something worse, they stopped talking o each other at all.
Many times mum threatened to kick him out but never did, years later shehtold me this was because she was scared, not only of the financial implications but also just being on her own scared her, this situation went on for 7 long miserable years.
The day she finally did it the relief in the house was palpable, even my youngest sister, his daughter who adored him, was happier, my mum's only regret?
That she didn't do it sooner and save us all such misery.
You have to ask yourself what example you are setting your daughter for her future relationships?
You only get one life my love and is being unhappy the way you want it to go?
The things you are worrying about now, if you just go will they still matter 15 yrs from now?
If you don't go will they still be there in 15 yrs?
At the end of the day only you can decide but when you picture yourself a year from now where would you rather be?
In a little peaceful house with a happy daughter but with a little less money or where you are now?

LannieDuck

pukkamum wrote: »

In a little peaceful house with a happy daughter but with a little less money or where you are now?

I'm not even convinced you'll have less money. Your OH has been running up debts for you. Once you're on your own, you might even find you have more spare cash than you do now.

Errata

Also selfishly I know I am going to be really strapped for money when I leave and im not looking forward to that

Why would you be? You're already paying rent and council tax on a property that's standing empty. If you moved into it your food and utilities bills would probably be less than they are now.

pukkamum

Errata wrote: »

Why would you be? You're already paying rent and council tax on a property that's standing empty. If you moved into it your food and utilities bills would probably be less than they are now.

No offence to the op but it sounds like she is finding reasons to justify staying put, she seems to be in a far better financial position to leave than most in this situation. She just needs to deal with the emotional stuff, after all no matter how bad things are now at some point they must have been happy, and I can imagine part of her just keeps hoping that it will all work itself out and they will be happy again.
You cannot spend the best part of your adult life with someone and walk away without a backwards glance.
Very hard situation my heart goes out to all of them.

teawithmilk

Yes I am in a better position than a lot of people in relationships that feel trapped and Im grateful for that. I didnt move into 2nd rented house as I was waiting until end of DDs exams then we had house inspection last wk so had to be around for that otherwise husband would not have let them in or done something stupid. Please dont have a go at me this is the hardest thing I've ever done.