Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

NAR

TWM what a stupid idiot that man was to pretend to be something he obviously wasn't. Well done on seeing through him. Dating sites are full of all sorts and it will be up to you to weed out those that are false. So glad you caught on at an early stage with this fraud.
Don't let it put you off, take the positives out of it and the lessons learned.

So chin up TWM and onwards and upwards with your journey of life. :T

Mojisola

girlatplay wrote: »

TWM, you need to go with the flow. Go on lots of dates. Enjoy some male company and especially enjoy some male flattery. The first guy who comes along will probably not be "the one" (as you have discovered). Just go out, have a laugh, enjoy yourself. Don't look for something special, let it come to you.

Your ex has mentally knocked you so far down and you need to take time and allow yourself to be appreciated again. Men will like you, you ARE worthy. Learn to love yourself, and your life, and then it will happen for you.

Also, as a quick aside, it is ok to be single for a bit too

I second all this. Good advice.

teawithmilk

I think there was an element of truth in what he was telling me....obviously it had to be plausible...but I think he was using a false surname, I could be wrong.

Funnily enough he has just texted me half an hour ago. Asking why I havent been in touch???? eh?? I texted him last night, so maybe he is losing track of who he hs texting and when!!

I dont know whether to let him know that I have found him out or just delete his number. in some ways I dont want him to be alerted to the fact that he has been caught out, so that gives other women the chance to do the same searches as me...if I alert him to what I have found he might go and just delete stuff.

I am seriously not desperate to meet a man, and I dont mind at all being single for a while, or even being single forever, whatever will be, will be.

Errata

Stupid idiot? More like a nutjob! Dating websites are full of them and the only way you can identify them is by meeting ASAP because messaging, txts and phone conversation won't.

teawithmilk

Well this just gets worse. He would normally text me in the mornings and I got no text yesterday....I was uneasy about some of the stuff i had found. for example.....he says he owns a company but the owner of said company (that it shows online) has the same first name but different surname...so he could be lying either about owning the company or his surname. that type of thing.

anyway i had sent him a text on thursday at around 6pm. he never answered it. no contact from him all day yesterday either. then at around 5pm yesterday I uploaded a new nice photograph of me to the dating site i have joined. Bear in mind he openly said to me he was still on the site, answering e mails. And he had never asked me to close my profile.

Well within 45 minutes of uploading it I got an angry text from him saying he was upset and didn't deserve to be treated like that. I texted back to say what was he on about? then got two more texts from him saying how he hadnt heard anything from me for two days but I had time to upload photos......What????!!!! I hate all this childish texting anyway.

I havent replied to the texts. Do you think he does sound like a nutter? The joke is I havent ignored him for 2 days I was in contact with him on Thursday evening...he seemed to have forgotten that!

He seems like a bit of a control freak and I dont need that!

January20

teawithmilk wrote: »

I havent replied to the texts. Do you think he does sound like a nutter? The joke is I havent ignored him for 2 days I was in contact with him on Thursday evening...he seemed to have forgotten that!

He seems like a bit of a control freak and I dont need that!

Do you really need to ask? Yes he does. Do you need that kind of hassle?

TWM, I have been reading your thread since the beginning and I haven't posted ever on it but now I feel I have to because I am quite concerned about you.

I'm concerned about you because your decisions seem to be so influenced by the posters on your thread. I feel you have been pushed into dating this guy when you had doubts from the beginning. You want more of a social life but does that mean you want to date men or that you want to meet more people? Equally, with your clean break, you have been pushed by posters to go for it, but what is really the best thing for you? Remember, posters on here, and that includes me, do not know you. We know bits of your life from what you posted but that's it.

As a divorced, single mother I know a few things: at one time or another, you need to learn to stand on your own two feet and make decisions for yourself. Sometimes, you'll be right, sometimes you'll be wrong. Yes, indeed take advice from others but don't let them make decisions for you.
I know that people will try and influence you to live the way they think is normal: I had friends trying to set me up with blind dates, trying to get me to do online dating, asking things like didn't I miss sex etc because they couldn't conceive that my priority was my child and that as she was so traumatised by her father moving on, she needed one stable parent.
Another thing I know (and remember) is that even a year after my divorce my feelings were still quite raw and I wasn't very strong emotionally. Not the best time to be making big decisions, but it gets better. I can promise you that!

teawithmilk

Thank you. My friends do not have much experience of divorce or legal issues or even marriage break ups so I appreciate the advice here. And its so hard when you are on your own with a dilemma and no one else to talk to.

Im afraid I have an inbuilt "politeness" chip which makes me very unassertive and worried about hurting other people and being kind to others. This behaviour has always caused me problems....as I have ended up giving too much...

The dating site thing HAS been a bit of a disaster to be honest so Im going to sit back for a while and not try to be proactive. Im going to just ignore this strange bloke, not even reply.

egoode

January20 wrote: »

I'm concerned about you because your decisions seem to be so influenced by the posters on your thread. I feel you have been pushed into dating this guy when you had doubts from the beginning. You want more of a social life but does that mean you want to date men or that you want to meet more people? Equally, with your clean break, you have been pushed by posters to go for it, but what is really the best thing for you? Remember, posters on here, and that includes me, do not know you. We know bits of your life from what you posted but that's it.

I think you are actually being unfair on TWM here. Firstly she joined the dating site with no one on here suggesting it first. A lot of people have said about the dating to try and not too caught up with thinking of getting in a relationship with someone she hadn't meet yet and just have some fun with it. Besides she was thinking of meeting them before we ever heard about it.

Most people had been pushing for her to contact CSA which I don't think was a bad thing as for the clean break people have suggested it but knew that would be harder and especially once she spoke to solicitor about costs etc is don't think anyone pushed for that except tried to suggest ways for her to do it with an uncooperative ex.

TWM I think with online dating you need to trust your instincts and if you think they are a nutter block them and move on.

January20

egoode wrote: »

I think you are actually being unfair on TWM here. Firstly she joined the dating site with no one on here suggesting it first. A lot of people have said about the dating to try and not too caught up with thinking of getting in a relationship with someone she hadn't meet yet and just have some fun with it. Besides she was thinking of meeting them before we ever heard about it.

Most people had been pushing for her to contact CSA which I don't think was a bad thing as for the clean break people have suggested it but knew that would be harder and especially once she spoke to solicitor about costs etc is don't think anyone pushed for that except tried to suggest ways for her to do it with an uncooperative ex.

TWM I think with online dating you need to trust your instincts and if you think they are a nutter block them and move on.

I don't understand how you can say I am being unfair on TWM when I'm only concerned about her? I haven't said anything negative about her, just that I am concerned she is relying too much on posters' opinions on this site. Not a slur on her character, just my opinion, that she will ignore if she chooses to.

I agree that contacting the CSA was the best thing to do, but for the clean break there were a lot of people saying she should go for it, without really knowing enough. I'm not saying she shouldn't go for it.

Clearly, what your reply to my post proves is that 2 people can read the same information and understand it in a completely different way.

egoode

January20 wrote: »

I don't understand how you can say I am being unfair on TWM when I'm only concerned about her? I haven't said anything negative about her, just that I am concerned she is relying too much on posters' opinions on this site. Not a slur on her character, just my opinion, that she will ignore if she chooses to.

I agree that contacting the CSA was the best thing to do, but for the clean break there were a lot of people saying she should go for it, without really knowing enough. I'm not saying she shouldn't go for it.

Clearly, what your reply to my post proves is that 2 people can read the same information and understand it in a completely different way.

You are right people do read things different ways I guess I read it that you felt she couldn't make decisions for herself and was using us to make them. However I think she generally knows what she wants to do and just wants to know if others also think it's the right thing or if there's something else she could do she hasn't thought of.