Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

girlatplay

Yeah, nice one Rooibos. It is really important that you make/change your will and change your pension beneficiary TWM.

NAR

When I separated my children were 15 and 12. I changed the nomination from my ex to my daughters to be my pension beneficiaries, with my sister as trustee. This was acceptable to my employers.

teawithmilk

Thanks, that is great advice. I will get onto my union today as they do will writing/advice services.

Well I'm a bit depressed and down today. I feel like I have made a real fool of myself over this bloke that I have been talking to.

I have been communicating with him for around three weeks and met him in person last week for the first time, and also met him again yesterday afternoon. As I mentioned before he has been super-attentive, texting me several times a day and telephoning me every day. Saying some beautiful things to me, how he really likes me etc etc.... Luckily I havent told him where I live although he knows who I work for (but not my work address)

I have however told him some personal stuff about how I am feeling (nothing major about the break up thank god) but I did open up a bit to him in text messages etc....and ...cringe.... he has a couple of photos of me...fuly clothed I might add!! one that he took last week on his phone when we met up and another (that I sent him at his request- how stupid of me)

I dont want to bore you with the details but I was doing a bit of looking online and found that some of the stuff he told me about his life didnt pan out. So when I met him I was a bit subdued and I think he could tell. My friend said dont even bother going to meet him, but I wanted to go, just to see for myself if he continued with the lies. As I think he could tell he had been a little bit sussed out he left early and surprise surpirse, no more text messages or phone calls from his yesterday evening! So that just proves he isnt all he said he was as there is no other explanation for why he has cut communication. I doubt I will hear from him again as he has probably moved onto the next "victim"

So I feel a real fool now and wish Id listened to the advice "if something seems too good to be true then it probably is!"

Anyway no harm done, nothing happened, I didnt even really spend any money when I met him. I just feel sad as he seemed so nice and its put me off the whole thing. Im sure there are nice people out there, after all I'm on the dating site and I'm normal and nice, its just completely put me off and I dont even know if I can be bothered with the whole thing. I'm cross that I said nice and and interesting stuff back to him and he might use that to learn more about how to deceive women and try and chat up another unsuspecting victim. I feel a bit physically sick and creeped out now....I thought I was more discerning than that and Ive just come across as a total idiot falling for all that carp.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can cheer myself up about it?? Do you think I should just forget the whole dating idea and retreat back into my hermitage!!

Sky_

I think you've just met a bad egg, you may meet a few before you meet a good and 'right for you' man. There are good guys out there but dating is a learning curve and you're a bit out of practice, that's all.

You'll be more wary next time and become more able to suss out the fakes as time goes on. Try to see it as an adventure, a chance to meet different types of people and learn more about yourself along the way. You may or may not find a man you want a relationship with, but you might find some really good friends along the way and learn a lot about yourself and what you do and don't like.

RAS

twm

be proud of yourself - your in-built crap detector is still fully functional after all these years. Well done.

really, really you had to spend some time/contact time with him to learn enough to be able to check him out? Otherwise what would he be able to check?

teawithmilk

Thanks RAS and Sky, Im going to try not to dwell on it or overanalyse things like I usually do...Im just so angry mainly with myself that I got drawn into it all just because of a bit of flattery. I was trying to build up my self esteem and this has really made me feel awful. He probably has a little book in his back pocket called "nice things to say to gullible women" which he uses when he has to send text messages! My nice/witty commments back to him have probably been added to his repertoire which really bugs me now.

But hey ho, its another learning experience. He sent me a text yesterday afternoon just before we met up/5 minutes before we met.....which I answered last night and I wish I hadnt even bothered answering it now. I just have an inbuilt "politeness" chip in my head which I must switch off!

egoode

Personally I think you should be congratulating yourself for sussing him out so quickly many others wouldn't have.

teawithmilk

Well I count myself lucky that I have so many friends on here to give me advice and opinions and also a couple of very good friends in real life who I can rely on for support.

Thank you all xx

girlatplay

TWM, you need to go with the flow. Go on lots of dates. Enjoy some male company and especially enjoy some male flattery. The first guy who comes along will probably not be "the one" (as you have discovered). Just go out, have a laugh, enjoy yourself. Don't look for something special, let it come to you.

Your ex has mentally knocked you so far down and you need to take time and allow yourself to be appreciated again. Men will like you, you ARE worthy. Learn to love yourself, and your life, and then it will happen for you.

Also, as a quick aside, it is ok to be single for a bit too

((((hugs))))

Errata

Give yourself a pat on the back, you've had a lucky escape. Think about how he behaved, he was all over you like a rash and that's not normal, it's a disease!
You now have a solid yardstick to measure other blokes by, make good use of it, you've learned a hard lesson the hard way. If you want to try Internet dating use a decent website like The Guardian, The Times or one that caters for those people with a special interest. Don't disclose personal stuff without meeting someone several times and you're confident l they're decent and genuine.
Dating websites aren't known as Liars Retreats for nothing!