Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

NAR

I would take your solicitor's advice on this tbh. Yours is far from a straightforward case, with the family finances over the last five years being so complicated.
In normal circumstances I would have been very much in the "go for a clean break now" camp. However if he gets solicitor's advice and decides to challenge/negotiate hard it will turn into a battle! (And I know to my cost all about that!). Your solicitor will advise you that the judge has to agree/accept that the proposed financial split is fair and seen to be fair to both parties. On face value this will be hard to sell, as you are obviously coming out better, because you have been financially savvy. The judge will have to be convinced by your solicitor that your ex has previously had the benefit of your financial help. This may be hard to "sell" as you were married at the time and it might be looked on as partners "looking after each other."
The other issue that would concern me is his DMP. How would his creditors react to him getting a favourable financial settlement, would this affect his DMP. You maybe need advice on this.
Finally of course is the pension situation. Sounds like a clean break would see you lose some of your pension potentially.
So a challenged and lengthy negotiated clean break (if he is well advised by a solicitor) could cost you up to £7k; you may well get a charge against your house to be paid over when DD is age 18 and you may end up with a pension split order against you.

Sorry to be so negative, but I am trying to be realistic for you. Also he is going to be contacted by CSA anytime and that might cause him to put his foot down regarding a clean break settlement.

NAR

So TWM how did the "date" go? Do you think it might lead to further outings?

neneromanova

Come one TWM How did it go?

teawithmilk

It went really really rrally well. The last week has just passed so quickly....we sat and talked for three hours solid and he has been phoning me every day (sometimes twice a day!) plus texting me little sweet messages inbetween. I have been extremely cynical about this as my ex was completely un-affectionate so Im always suspicious if someone says something nice about me like "you look lovely" it makes me uncomfortable, so its taken some getting used to. But Im hoping thats the way he genuinely is in real life.

He is coming over to see me again on Wednesday, He lives about an hours drive away so it has to be planned in advance.

I really really like him, and if he is to be believed he likes me too. BUT I dont want to get hurt plus I cant believe that virtually the first person you meet off a dating site could be the right one for you. Or maybe they could. Its not impossible. Im very confused.

Anyway I have been so risk averse over the last 12 months that I havent done anything without analysiing it a million times before making a decision. I was out with my sister yesterday and I told her about it and I was surprised that she said just to go with it and see what happened. I thought she would be cautioning me against it. maybe it is time to just relax a bit and have some nice times.

Im speaking to my solicitor today about the clean break agreement I think Im going to go ahead with it and see what he (ie ex) does.

Got a busy week as its DDs birthday and we have lots of stuff planned like her birthday party on Saturday. Plus my shower has broken so got to get that fixed. So in the middle of all this daydreaming i have to think about the practical stuff as well. Its so nice just to have someone say (after 20 years of being with my ex) that Im actually nice to be with and that they like me.l

egoode

teawithmilk wrote: »

I really really like him, and if he is to be believed he likes me too. BUT I dont want to get hurt plus I cant believe that virtually the first person you meet off a dating site could be the right one for you. Or maybe they could. Its not impossible. Im very confused.
l

It's not impossible to meet someone straight away on dating sites. When I tried online dating I only meet up with 2 people from the site and the second person I met I was with for a year. I say enjoy it you never know where it may lead. It may work, it may not, but I feel it's better to give it a go then never try at all.

Good luck with the clean break it may be hard (and expensive) but I think it will help you to know that the only thing after that you need to contact him about will be your DD.

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

.
we sat and talked for three hours solid and he has been phoning me every day (sometimes twice a day!) plus texting me little sweet messages inbetween.

I really really like him, and if he is to be believed he likes me too. BUT I dont want to get hurt plus I cant believe that virtually the first person you meet off a dating site could be the right one for you. Or maybe they could. Its not impossible. Im very confused.

I was out with my sister yesterday and I told her about it and I was surprised that she said just to go with it and see what happened.

Good advice from your sister - go with it - but don't go overboard until you know more about him.

Some people like the early stages of a relationship and dating sites give them an endless supply of opportunities to experience this. As soon as things settle into routine, they can move on to the next person.

justme111

Yes it can be that the first person one meets is the right one. I know examples. Glad to hear you.enjoying it , very nice change. Have a great daughter birthday !

NAR

So glad you have had an encouraging start to your friendship. :T Enjoy it for what it is now and if things develop then well and good. But don't be over cynical either, there are some nice guys out there looking for happiness too.

Rooibos

Hi TWM


I've not posted for ages on your thread but I do keep lurking!


I'm glad you've gone to the CSA because you should have some maintenance. However be prepared that it may not be straight forward. In my case my ex charmed them and they believed how low his pay was and how often he had our son. Apparently he had him 4 nights a week so they then asked me to pay him!!! They completely took his word against mine. I took CSA to court to appeal. They had to produce their evidence for court which included his pay slips... and guess what - his pay wasn't quite as low as they thought! He'd written across one to say it was three weeks pay - I advised them it was one week's pay. It was a long haul to get sorted but once they realised he'd lied about his pay they then believed my diary of contact.

Now - the reason I am posting is to nudge you about your pension and writing a will - I don't know whether it has been mentioned in previous posts but it's a nudge for anyone divorced with a child under 18. From reading your story your ex sounds very much like mine was, including that they won't seek legal advice - they, of course, know more then any solicitor. Anyway to cut a long story short my ex passed away a few weeks ago (alcohol related at 54). He died intestate, i.e. without a will, so because his sole beneficiary is his/our son I am the executor on my son's behalf.

I know it's a morbid thought but I don't think you'd want your ex sorting through your things and your house if the worst were to happen to you....I suspect however, your ex meanwhile, like mine, won't have made any legal preparations...

Also on the same subject have you changed your pension(s) beneficiary from your ex to your daughter or someone else? My ex didn't.


ps - good luck with the dating, relax and enjoy!

NAR

Rooibos wrote: »

Also on the same subject have you changed your pension(s) beneficiary from your ex to your daughter or someone else?

Extremely important that you do this asap, in case you haven't already. Excellent spot Rooibos! :T