Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Caroline_a

Don't be scared TWM. This isn't about you, this is about him trying to do your daughter out of money that she is legally entitled to! The fact that while she is a child you are dealing with it for her, buying her uniforms, putting a roof over her head, feeding her, etc etc is neither here or there.

I do think that this is where so many fathers get so uppity as they think that the money is for the mother - it's not, it's for the children! Once most mothers 'get' this, then they become tigresses as they now realise how cheap their exes are being.

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

Im so very scared of his reaction now.

Do not respond to e-mails, text or phone calls at all if the lid goes up. Wait for your lawyer to return but save the messages.

If DD says anything (good chance he will say something) just say that you have asked daddy to contribute towards the cost of the her home, food and clothes. He did not respond so you had to ask for help to get the money.

Mojisola

RAS wrote: »

If DD says anything (good chance he will say something) just say that you have asked daddy to contribute towards the cost of the her home, food and clothes. He did not respond so you had to ask for help to get the money.

I would say that it's the law that daddy has to contribute money, not make it sound as if it's something you want.

Brighton_belle

RAS wrote: »

Do not respond to e-mails, text or phone calls at all if the lid goes up. Wait for your lawyer to return but save the messages.

If DD says anything (good chance he will say something) just say that you have asked daddy to contribute towards the cost of the her home, food and clothes. He did not respond so you had to ask for help to get the money.

Just want to repeat this excellent advice TWM: you have advanced warning that he might 'get mad'. So don't answer any aggressive emails etc. He cannot make you.
And have a clear firm and simple response to your DD if he drags her into this with accusation against you. And after you clear firm simple response to her, refuse to get sucked in to any strop she throws about mean and nasty mummy.

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

well I have just spent an hour and a half on the phone to the CMS. They have take all my details and his details (luckily I had one of his old payslips so have his NI number)
Its really going to hit the fan now.
They will be writing to him and me and we will both get "welcome packs" within the next 7-10 days.
He will also be getting a phone call from them.

First of all well done you! :T :T
You have given him a number of opportunities to provide financially for HIS daughter, all of which he has ignored. So now HE will have to deal with the consequences of his lack of action. As said by others every month gone by has cost your daughter financially, time to call a halt to that.

So why do I feel bad and feel sorry for him??? what is WRONG with me??

Probably because of the length of time you have been married to him, how much you have looked after him financially and you probably in some way feel sorry for him. But the divorce and the current situation are all down to your ex refusing to change and mend his ways, despite several opportunities.
I will guarantee no one here feels sorry for him. You have been more than fair with him over the last year or so. Do you think he feels bad or sorry for causing you so much hurt - I very much doubt it.

Im so very scared of his reaction now.

Please don't be, continue to be strong. If you get anything nasty from him - phone call, just hang up; email, send it to your solicitor and get her to write to him regarding any abuse; or even take out an injunction (last resort) against him.

Once again you have shown courage in a difficult situation. Take strength from the fact your daughter will soon be more financially secure than she is now and you will have a feww more £££'s in your purse each month. :cool:

RAS

Mojisola wrote: »

I would say that it's the law that daddy has to contribute money, not make it sound as if it's something you want.

That is a very good suggestion.

The law says daddy has to pay some money towards your living costs.

CH27

Mojisola wrote: »

I would say that it's the law that daddy has to contribute money, not make it sound as if it's something you want.

Well done for contacting them TWM.

I would do as Mojisola suggests.

thorsoak

Well done, TWM - you've taken the big step! If you are worried about his reaction, might I suggest that you direct all his texts and emails into a nominated folder and NOT look at them unless you feel in the right frame of mind? You know he will kick off, so that won't be a surprise - but why should he push your buttons? After all, as someone said to me one time - what's the worst thing he can do to you? He doesn't know where you live, so he can't come charging round to assault you - all he can do is (as my son says) give you gbh of the ear'ole!

You know he'll be nasty - so don't enter into correspondence with him - you have given him fair warning - let the communications come from CSA or your solicitor!

As others have said, tell DD that it is a legal requirement for both parents to support their children, and its part and parcel of the legal tying up of ends for CSA to be involved to ensure that both parents pay according to their income - not their outgoings. Children first before big tellys!

girlatplay

Well done TWM :T


You know he is going to be in touch regarding this. Don't let him get under your skin. He will say anything he can think of to get a reaction out of you. Like everyone says, keep the messages ready as proof. Build a case. Don't reply to him. Just don't. No matter what he says. He has blanked your last email, to annoy you and to keep control. HE will decide when he wants to talk to you. He will be straight on the email/text when he gets this because he knows you will bite. Blank him. Give him a taste of it.


I promise you it will annoy him more than you answering him. He may well sit and think he is smart after whatever he says but he will be waiting for your reply. He will wait and wait, and then it will start to annoy him that you have not replied and he will eventually email/text you again to provoke you further. Blank him again. He doesn't deserve your attention or your sympathy. You need to break the habit. You have more than tried to be reasonable. There is no reasoning with that man.


Before I got myself and my DD contract phones I used to top up ours and my ex's DD's. None of them ever had to be turned off and turned on again. Three different types of phones on two different networks.

stripey1969

Well done TWM, very proud of you! It'll be so much easier getting it through a third party rather than feeling like you have to badger him into it each time. Just keep reminding yourself you're doing it for DD, not for yourself; it'll make you more resolved. And yes, it's horrible waiting for 'the reaction' - just try and let it wash over you, keep a smile on your face. Imagine all the people on this thread thinking to themselves "TWM's ex is such a tw*t" and rolling their eyes - he's worth no more of a reaction than that. x