Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

teawithmilk

My divorce went through very quickly because he didnt contest it, but there was never a financial settlement. most people do the financial side of things at the same time as the divorce but because he was just being so awkward and not talking to me AT ALL and didnt engage a slicitor or anything, and we had no joint assets (ie a house to sell) the divorce went through. It was a risk I took.

At any point without this clean break agreement (you go to court, fill in a form (Form E I think its called) disclose your assets and agree a division of the assets) then the other party can dispute stuff. I just took a risk at the time that he would be too lazy to do anything about it.

I still think deep down he would be too lazy to do anything, but if he suspects i have assets (ie the house) he might do it just to spite me.

If net income is after tax then he should be paying me about £250-£300 Per month towards DD (according to CSA figures) as he earns over 2k a month after tax. I have one of his old payslips.

RAS

BigAunty wrote: »

Why, if you are currently divorced, do you need a 'clean break' settlement? I don't understand the formal divorce or financial settlement process from a legal perspective but what's a divorce if not the ultimate break?

Unfortunately without a clean break settlement the ex partner can come back and demand a portion of any assets. If twm won the lottery or inherited then ex could come back and demand a portion of the money.

Because twm is providing for DD, the courts would probably allocate 60-80% of the marital assets to twm. twm has things like the paypal accounts to prove that ex's income went on boys toys and holidays which is why his debts are not cleared so I doubt those would be considered debts of the marriage.

They would however take note of the ex's failure to pay things like the rental deposit and utilities bills since she left.

It is useful to get this sorted whilst the assets are as low as possible, now rather than in 5 years time.

NAR

TWM I have said several times and I will say again start CSA asap. You were asked by many to start this when his rental situation was sorted. Please don't delay now, he is using idle threats to try and stop you.

I agree with RAS, anyone would quickly find out how much to pay for a child, he saying you didn't tell him doesn't wash in anyway at all. If he is serious in this it is just another example of how financially incompetent he is.

Let him go for solicitor's advice (which to my mind is purely a threat to scare you) he will find out very quickly how much any challenge to the 60/40 settlement will cost him and how (un)likely it is to succeed. Also you have the divorce costs up your sleeve, which he should have paid!

RAS

So at the moment he might be eligible for say £8K from the equity in the house, has not paid £3K in maintenance and you have paid £1K in bills and deposit for him.

Unless you are very unlucky the pensions will not come into it (courts usually only go for this if there is a massive disparity and the transfer value of most defined schemes is low compared with their future benefits).

And the courts would probaly agree to a payment when DD completed school. That would give you several years to accrue the small sum you had to pay. In the mean-time he has to pay you £20K+ in CMS.

It's a no brainer really.

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

I had to pay for the whole divorce, thousands of pounds, even though the court awarded me costs (ie said he should pay for it)

RAS this amount would also be taken into consideration in any review IMHO!

Caroline_a

I'll preface this by saying I was divorced 15 years ago, so things may have changed.

My ex stayed in the house and got virtually everything in it. He then fought me for custody of my daughter which was very expensive (but worth every penny), and following that we went for a settlement regarding the house. I went to court 3 times - he never turned up at all. The judge adjourned the case twice and then got fed up. He awarded me 60% of the equity, plus an additional sum of money (couple of grand) and also ordered it to be a final settlement. From what I understand, that was the norm for the parent with care of the child.

However, like you I waited until then to go to the CSA. He gave up his job and despite their best chasing I never had a penny, which is why I and others are banging on at you to get that sorted!! I cannot see that a judge would try to make you pay anything else from the settlement you made before so long as you can show proof. Child support will not be backdated, so the longer you prevaricate, the less your daughter will get. Ignore his rants, head down, go for it. Remember that if he wants to chase you for a bigger settlement then he will have large legal fees too!!

teawithmilk

Hi RAS, I asked a lot of questions on Wikivorce last summer about this and there wasnt a definative answer. It all just pointed to getting a clean break agreement.

I've had my head in the sand and I shouldve seen this coming.

I need to reply to him. I'm angry now as I have been getting so much happier over the last couple of mnths and now he has just scared me again. it reminds me how much power he still has to upset me and disrupt things for me. Even though i have done nothing wrong to him, only helped him. DD informs me that he has just bought a new big 3d telly. But he cant afford to pay me the £300 he owes me for his utilities and his tenancy fees.

If i dont reply to him he will think he has won again. He thinks he is so clever but actually he is quite dumb sometimes.

How does this sound:

"Thank you for your e mail about money. I can't keep coming to you every time she needs a school shirt or pants or sanitary towels for your approval. I need a regular amount from you, every month to cover essentials. I have checked the UGov website and this says 15% of net pay.

As far as the bills go, these were paid out by me, in good faith, to help you. I helped you to stay in the house you are in and I have taken nothing from the house apart from what belongs to me, I didnt even take any furniture. You have not had any disruption or expense.

If you want to start challenging for "money owed" then I would be quite happy to get a clean break order drawn up. In fact I am glad you have mentioned this as I think this is a good way forward and I can get this moving straight away.

Please let me know if you would be willing for this to happen"

NAR

Even if he agrees to pay you 15% you have no guarantees he will not bring up excuses for not paying. Please go to CSA and formalise it.

DigForVictory

Oh tea my dear,
I hate to add my voice to those who might seem to be nagging you (we're not being mean, we want you well & safe & happy & with the ex *miles* in the background) but first CSA & second, solicitor. It's a very good email, but no CSA? No muscle backing you.
You can't hide the house (& darnit why should you?!) but he can be backed into sorting the financial side & it is honestly worth doing that just to put him at the right distance.

Data Protection Act requests are relatively cheap at a tenner a time & you can reconstruct quite a lot of things with the bank statements & a credit score report. All of which will be of use in front of a judge anyway.

I know - you felt as if you were on the home straight & almost at the tape, but until the money bit is nailed, he has you on a string.
Chop that through!

teawithmilk

What do you think about the e mail idea...I think this actually gives me a way in to get the clean break moving. If I pretend it was HIS idea he might just go for it. I think, for the first time since I left him, I am getting angry enough and strong enough to challenge him. Never mind faffing about with stupid distractions like meeting new people, I need to get this sorted.

I think HE thinks he is very clever, and thinks he can screw the system, but actually he is cocky, overconfident and hopefully this will work in my favour.

Also just had a call from DD she isnt very well and isnt going to her after school club (netball) I asked her why she was phoning oin school landline rather than her mobile and she said her dad hadnt topped up her mobile and she had no credit...So he can't even do that properly. He is just useless. Its the only thing he was supposed to pay for himself. And he never gives her pocket money. He has told her he is putting money away for her for thier trip to Paris. Yes, he can afford to take her their but not pay me money towards essentials. Oh, dont I sound bitter!