Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Gigervamp

What does he mean by this?

I appreciate the bills need paid for and can try to pay my share

Is he talking about the bills he ran up in the house after you left, but were still in your name? If so, he's got a cheek saying he'll try to pay his share! They're all "his share" so he damn well has to pay them.

Try not to worry too much Tea. I know it's easier said than done, but if he took you to court, once you've shown the judge what you've paid for over the years, I doubt very much that he'd have a leg to stand on.

Go to the CSA. You've been procrastinating about it for too long now. He doesn't want to play ball, so it's now time to get tough.

You can do it.

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

He is correct in one thing...I have never told him how much he should be contributing for DD becuase he has never offered or offered to discuss it!

Erm...............

Actually you do not need to tell him how much he should contribute for DD. The CSA rule is 15% for one child and many people without a child could tell you that. It would take him all of 1 minute to check on-line to find out what the rules were when you left.

CMS is slightly different as it works on gross (12%) but there has been a lot of press coverage about it. Does he ever read the papers IRL or on-line?

Mipmop

I don't post often but have followed your thread from the start. I just wanted to chip in and say the 60/40 split of equity in your favour sounds perfectly reasonable to me - the parent with care (you) is always likely to be awarded a bigger share through the courts anyway so I wouldn't worry unnecessarily that they may take away some equity in your house - I would sincerely doubt this especially due the financial burden you were placed under and not having received maintenance. I would do as the poster above suggests - put your application in to the CSA. Worry about legal costs etc as and when he carries out the threat which I doubt he will - if he is struggling for money how can he afford it!

RAS

Youi need to go back to the solicitor.

Given your ex's incapacity to actually get off his butt to do anything ( apply for the house, organise the deposit, sort things out when DD is ill, take legal advice on the divorce) if you go quiet for a few weeks he might just sign a clean break order if she send him one through rather than going to the bother of making arrangements to see a solicitor.

teawithmilk wrote: »

I got legal advice last summer and she said that it would cost thousands to get a clean break agreement. At least £2k and that was even if it was a straightforward job. I dont have that money now. And could I force him to do a clean break anyway?? he never got advice when the divorce was going through.

And given that you got 60% so you could cover the debts from the reburbishment, the courts would not take his side on that sale. The issues could be the new property and the pension funds.

teawithmilk

Thanks Girlatplay, its so complicated.

I cant remember if the solicitor last year said that I could force him to do it. I think at the time we (myself and solicitor) were both hoping that it would be a smooth, quick divorce. And because my focus was getting somewhere stable for DD to live I had put the offer in on the house, and it was all going through at the same time.

How stupid am I, so much has gone on in the last 4 years that I can't even remember the exact figures from when we sold the house. I dont even know where the paperwork would be as i have moved house 4 or 5 times!! I know I was very much in debt when we had that house, which was why I had to take the decision to sell it....he never ever wanted to sell it but I knew my financial situation was either sell the house and start from scratch or go bankrupt. ..and lose the house anyway....everything was in my name (mortgage etc) as he had been out of work for best part of 5 years. He had added value to the house by renovating it greatly. We had bought it as a wreck and virtually rebuilt it and built an extension. But I paid for all the building materials and I did have BIG debts of around 70k... .partly from materials and paying contractors but also just from living expenses as we were just living on my wage..but that got cleared in an instant as soon as we sold the house. The feeling I got from paying off those debts was incredible, it had been making me ill just worrying about them. We got a lot of equity from the house. It was a massive sum of money...but it was all money that we owed back.

So I paid off my debts, then gave him money..he paid back his mum some money that he had borrowed and was left with about 12k if I recall. And I was left with about 15k. And then I started saving, so the 15k plus what I had saved over the last 4 years ended up being my house deposit that he didnt know about. God its all so complicated.

I remember when I gave him the 12k I said to him that he should think about getting full and final settlements on his debts. But he would never discuss his own money issues with me. I dont know what he did with that 12k. just frittered it away probably on clothes and wine.

So how do I reply to him?? Just ignore his e mail??

RAS

Hi

One starting point would be to check your credit records as there will be details of accounts for the last 6 years.

Then write and make a Subject Access Request (£10 per account) to get the account statements for the last 6 years. That will show up the debts in your name and how you cleared them.

Gigervamp

I'd just ignore him. He often ignores you, and anyway, I think he's baiting you.

Would the things you paid for be on your bank statements? You can get copies going back 6 years I think.

teawithmilk

I could probably get the records, and I will have copies of bills (I keep everything!) its just finding them. They might even be at his house as I only took the essentials when I left.

I wont have records of paying his mum back. Its all just a mess.

Wouldnt a judge just start from a position of where we are now in 2014 though?

As it stands, he has nothing apart from a pile of debt. And a bit of a pension.

I have a really good pension (20+ years final salary scheme) plus equity in this house that I bought which must now be worth around 40k equity as house prices round here have shot up. I have no savings now though apart from a small emergency fund. I'm even cursing myself now for making some minor home improvements since I moved in....but I cant spend my whole life worrying about him threatening legal action??

Thats what I'm worried about. And I have no spare cash. I only wish I had 20k in the bank as I would give it to him willingly and tell him to sod off. But my house is my roof over my head for myself and DD and an investment for HER future.

Does anyone know......can I force him to get a clean break agreement?? If i just did it, borrowed the money from somewhere, but then i might have to end up paying HIM tens of thousands of pounds and losing my pensions rights that I have worked so hard for while he sat on his bum.

BigAunty

The CSA isn't open to negotations or self pity so his sense of persecution, feeling hard done by and exploited won't influence matters.

Their formula will simply take into account his net income and how many nights (if any) your daughter stays over. His debts, his decision to live in a property that takes up too much of his disposable income, is his problem (of course, he has never accepted responsibilities for his debts or reigned in his lifestyle to match his income and it looks like he never makes changes or decisions unless forced to).

I believe he will be expected to pay 15% of his net income to your daughter - what will this be and how does it compare to the dribs and drabs he's paid for to date?

If he wants to challenge your previously negotiated settlement, it will cost him an arm and a leg. You will be able to prove the greater payments into the property and the expense of the divorce that you shouldered, his miniscule child support payments. He may well be sincere about mounting a challenge but will perhaps be put off by the solicitors fees or advice given by his solicitor on his chances. You worry that you won't be able to collate together your bank statements and builders invoices, etc, to prove you paid the bulk but then again, can he?

Follow your instincts on Mr Dull. It's too soon to compromise and there's at least got to be a spark.

Why, if you are currently divorced, do you need a 'clean break' settlement? I don't understand the formal divorce or financial settlement process from a legal perspective but what's a divorce if not the ultimate break?

RAS

twm

You really need to go over to wikidivorce and read up there.