Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

Oh, dont I sound bitter!

You sound like you have your priorities right whereas his are all to c0ck.

RAS

Yes, I like the e-mail.

If your solicitor is smart enough, you can negotiate to forget the utility bills in exchange for him not noticing the house.

Worth a try anyway.

Only edit I would make is "or every time her phone runs out of credit"

egoode

I like your email as well, however I would take out the question of 'if he's willing for this to happen' and just say you will talk to your solicitor tomorrow and could he please send the details of the solicitor he will be using. Make it sound like it's a done deal to move forward with it.

I don't know much about divorces but does it actually need to be done via solicitors or is there a cheaper mediation option that you could try first?

teawithmilk

My spelling is all to pot today as I am typing so quickly. Im so cross!

I will send the e mail. Just feel he will be sitting, all smug, thinking "thats told her!"

I know that ideally things should be sorted out by mediation. I'd love for us to be able to talk in a mature way and sort things out without involving solicitors or the CSA. But I have tried and tried and he never would. He just thinks everything is "my fault"

Thanks everyone xx

BigAunty

I don't like the email idea at all, apart from the final section that offers him to outline what he is seeking as a clean break from you, something that you can take to a solicitors for an expert opinion on its feasibility or not.

Keep your communications via the solicitors and the CSA - no need to outline his child support obligations, they will, so that aspect is redundant.

You don't like receiving emails from him as they remind you of his poor attitude and what you had to put up with. I recommend that you only have a formal channel through intermediaries. It doesn't matter how smart your response is, he always manages to wind you up.

Caroline_a

teawithmilk wrote: »

"Thank you for your e mail about money. I can't keep coming to you every time she needs a school shirt or pants or sanitary towels for your approval. I need a regular amount from you, every month to cover essentials. I have checked the UGov website and this says 15% of net pay.

As far as the bills go, these were paid out by me, in good faith, to help you. I helped you to stay in the house you are in and I have taken nothing from the house apart from what belongs to me, I didnt even take any furniture. You have not had any disruption or expense.

If you want to start challenging for "money owed" then I would be quite happy to get a clean break order drawn up. In fact I am glad you have mentioned this as I think this is a good way forward and I can get this moving straight away.

Please let me know if you would be willing for this to happen, and of course we will split the legal costs for this."

Stop paying for everything!

GobbledyGook

I wouldn't say "Please let me know if you would be willing for this to happen..." - what do you do if he says "No".

I would more say something like "I'll enquired about how long it takes for this to happen" or something along those lines.

Don't ask for his permission, you don't need it.

teawithmilk

Well i have sent it now (an edited version of that e mail)

I know he is picking up e mails as he has sent a sarky response back about her phone not being topped up.

So I will wait and see what he fires back.

I am just e mailling my solicitor now.

God knows where I will get the money from.

But I cant keep the house hidden forever! Do you know, in the 6 months since I bought the house he has never asked where I have been living. I think he thinks that I am still in the little rented house I had last summer.

Maybe its for the best that it all comes out and then I can move on properly.

Oh and that guy I had coffee with has just texted me!! AArgh!

egoode

teawithmilk wrote: »

Oh and that guy I had coffee with has just texted me!! AArgh!

If you aren't interested in him and don't want to communicate with him any more I'd just send him a text saying it was really nice to meet him but you don't want to take things any further and wish him luck with finding someone.

I always thinks it's nice to at least tell them you aren't interested but if he texts back after that just don't respond.

And good luck with your ex. I hope you can get the clean break sorted relatively cheaply and quickly.

girlatplay

DigForVictory wrote: »

...I hate to add my voice to those who might seem to be nagging you (we're not being mean, we want you well & safe & happy & with the ex *miles* in the background)...

Yes, I don't intend to be mean, I am trying to get you to see that it is really important for you to not stick your head in the sand anymore. This will not all go away unless you face up to it and do something about it. Someone else (think it was RAS) said something along the lines of it would be better to get all this sorted now as there may be more at stake 5 years down the line.

teawithmilk wrote: »

I need to reply to him. I'm angry now as I have been getting so much happier over the last couple of mnths and now he has just scared me again. it reminds me how much power he still has to upset me and disrupt things for me.

If i dont reply to him he will think he has won again. He thinks he is so clever but actually he is quite dumb sometimes.

teawithmilk wrote: »

I will send the e mail. Just feel he will be sitting, all smug, thinking "thats told her!"

By answering him you are feeding his desire to get a reaction out of you.

BigAunty wrote: »

Keep your communications via the solicitors and the CSA...

...You don't like receiving emails from him as they remind you of his poor attitude and what you had to put up with. I recommend that you only have a formal channel through intermediaries. It doesn't matter how smart your response is, he always manages to wind you up.

I agree with this. I don't think you can see it but the more you argue back, the more he will continue as he is. He is loving it as he is getting your attention and exercising control. Don't just email empty threats like he does. Go ahead and do the things you have said you will.

Notice that when you contact him, he blanks you. When he contacts you, you are quick to reply. This is him controlling you. Still.