Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

RAS

teawithmilk wrote: »

I do love my crafty stuff but it does tend to be predominantly women there. Although i wouldnt be doing it just to meet men like some predator, obvously!

But any suggestions for a weekend activity, maybe on a saturday when he tends to have DD... was thinking of conservation volunteering, which I used to do years ago.

Conservation volunteering, even just walking groups? Probably mix and match and just enjoy meeting people.

Brighton_belle

teawithmilk wrote: »

... was thinking of conservation volunteering, which I used to do years ago.

Very good idea. If you would naturally enjoy it, go do it. You'll meet some nice people and have fun.
I reached a point where I realise that all my hobbies were women orientated, which was great as I made some wonderful friends with other women, but if I wanted a chance to meet a man for a relationship, I needed to find other (genuine) new interests which attracted mixed company. It worked for me.
You could look up your local wildlife trust volunteer groups.

kelpie35

How about local "meet-up" groups.

There are loads in my area and have a variety of ages and activities.

You might find a few that you would enjoy and they are either free or a small amount to join.

Hope you enjoy your day out tomorrow.

Gigervamp

Mojisola wrote: »

Do something where you can be in mixed company without it being an individual date - walking group, dance class, etc. You need to able to relax around men and get used to just having fun.

I agree. I met my husband on a site for Goths! It was like a Yahoo group. I saw that there was a gig coming up that I wanted to go to, but had nobody to go with, so I asked on the group if anyone else was going who I could tag along with. Hubby and his friend wanted to go, so we arranged to meet up.

We've been together for 15 years now.

I think, finding a group of likeminded people, takes the pressure off. You're not necessarily looking for someone to date, but might end up getting along well with one person.

egoode

teawithmilk wrote: »

My self esteem is so low at the moment. I'm worried that the first bit of positive attention I get I will rush into something unsuitable. at least i'm aware of this andthe little voice in my head will hopefully kick in and tell me to be cautious.

For example: one of the blokes on this site just emailled me and said i looked "stunning" ...well I've never been described as that in my life by anyone! especially by my ex who used to put me down all the time, at first subtle-y then quite obviously telling me I had put on weight, was fat, didnt look after myself etc. I thought I'd show him, and I have been going to the gym and have lost half a stone and now weigh 8st 3 which is perfect for my height. so he can stick that up his backside......at a push I've been described as "cute" in the past so that makes me feel uncomfortable as this bloke is either a) a nutcase or b) just flattering for the sake of getting to e mail me. he probably says that to everyone.

Then I have this obsession about how I compare to everyone else on the site. Its all based around looks isnt it.

So thatmakes me think maybe Internet Dating isnt for me. I'm getting a bit too addicted to checking in to my account all the time. I realised this had got out of hand yesterday.

I need a different hobby to occupy my spare time, maybe I wll start my crochet again!

TWM when I was internet dating I decided I would only respond to people who started the message with my name, asked a question about something I had written in my profile and written something about themselves and not just said check out my profile. I felt they at least had made a worthwhile effort to contact me.

I never responded to anyone that basically said things like 'your gorgeous', 'I'll treat you like a princess', etc. I also didn't respond if they used 'text' speak as generally I don't understand it and I don't use it. Also if there profile had pictures of them topless showing of their muscles and 6 pack I was not impressed.

I'm 20 stone and a fairly cynical person so definitely felt people saying 'your gorgeous' etc were just a bit over the top. However I did end up going on a couple of dates and actually ended up in a relationship with a guy for a year from the site.

Just make sure you take things at a pace you are comfortable with.
I also didn't go into the dates thinking I was going to end up in a relationship with someone to me it was more about meeting some new people and hopefully having a nice time and I think that made me more relaxed and able to be myself when I went on the dates.

Good luck tomorrow and I hope you enjoy it.

teawithmilk

Thanks egoode, it does come across as totally cheesy and a little creepy saying "Youre gorgeous" or whatever when they havent even met you. I wouldnt ever message someone like that, even if I thought they were!

Beauty comes from the inside not outside! and you can only find that out from getting to know someone!

NAR

teawithmilk wrote: »

Thanks egoode, it does come across as totally cheesy and a little creepy saying "Youre gorgeous" or whatever when they havent even met you. I wouldnt ever message someone like that, even if I thought they were!

Beauty comes from the inside not outside! and you can only find that out from getting to know someone!

Unless of course I say it, :cool:

TWM you have been put on your guard about the perils of meeting someone unsuitable (which is good) but please keep your mind open that you might just get lucky right away too.

Sounds like a nice venue tomorrow, I hope you enjoy it :j

suze200

teawithmilk wrote: »

Thanks egoode, it does come across as totally cheesy and a little creepy saying "Youre gorgeous" or whatever when they havent even met you. I wouldnt ever message someone like that, even if I thought they were!

Beauty comes from the inside not outside! and you can only find that out from getting to know someone!

Hi TWM. I am similar to you and have been separated from my controlling OH for almost a year. I recently joined an ID site and I don't have a picture up at all. The last thing I want is for my Ex to find me on there. I have a fairly brief and vague profile too. This has not put anyone off contacting me and I have had a few nice evenings out from it. Some men ask for a photo before even starting to chat saying things like "I'm not wasting my time if I don't know what you look like" I don't bother answering. I will send a picture if I think there may be a spark with someone and they ask nicely.

I have had 3 dates with guys who didn't ask to see my photo first and had a nice time with all of them (individually...not all at the same time:eek:). I have been seeing one of the 3 for 2 months now

teawithmilk

Well guess what. He has cancelled. A tummy bug apparently. At least he let me know in time. Don't know how to respond now. That's twice in 1 wk he has cancelled. Never mind! Do you think he sounds like a total timewaster....I want to be reasonable but that's just getting a bit silly.

FBaby

ummm, likely to be a time waster, even if he isn't lying. Anyone who cancelled two dates, even if inevitable, would do anything to make it up for it. I guess it's the difference between a phone call saying 'I'm so so sorry, I was really looking forward to our date, but I am really not well and don't think I could make it for a couple of hours being myself, however, I feel bad that it is now the second time, so let's rearrange it now and this time, even if I am keeling over, I will find a way to be there', rather than a quick text saying 'sorry can't make it, got tummy bug, will contact later'.