Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

stripey1969

I think you'll soon get a feel for whether someone's a time waster or not, give him one more chance then give up on him!

NAR

TWM so glad to hear your date is rearranged. Hope you have a lovely few hours and that it leads to more - you deserve it xxx

teawithmilk

Thanks NAR I am half dreading it. I went on a forum about internet dating to ask a few general questions about how it all works and ended up getting some nasty comments back, very patronising and horrible, so I hope I dont meet any of those people. I shouldve asked here instead!

I'm worried that I might end up really liking him and getting hurt. he works abroad a lot, and is going away very soon, so I dont even know if it would go anywhere anyway.

I keep telling myself that it is only meeting up for a coffee, and if I get this out of the way it might make me more confident for the next one.....if there is a next one!

I havent had many people contact me from the ID site i have joined, so I dont know if what I wrote (or my picture) was wrong or if thats just the way internet dating works. I may have joined the wrong site perhaps. But Im worried that my ex might spot my picture so I chose the ID site that I thought was the LEAST likely that he would join. I have no doubt that he will be on the lookout for another woman, I had my suspicions even when we were together that he was on some odd sites- like once I caught him logged into a site for partner swopping (????!!!!) which he said he had logged into by accident. I couldnt prove anything as he wouldnt allow me access to his computer and kept everything password protected but I knew he was up to something, even if he hadnt acted upon it.

So i didnt want to bump into him online.

This man I am meeting tomorrow seems the opposite of my ex in terms of personality, I used to be attracted to real "intellectuals" or at least people who appeared to be (like my ex) and this man tomorrow just seems very upfront and confident.

We are going to an art gallery/country house (my choice) which is convenient location for both of us to travel to.

So will see what happens tomorrow! at least it will get me ot of the house for a few hours.

rpc

teawithmilk wrote: »

I'm worried that I might end up really liking him and getting hurt.

Or you might end up really liking him and having some fun for a while until it naturally fizzles out.

Or you might end up really liking him and you live happily ever after in a fairy tale romance.

Unless you have a working crystal ball, just take it as it comes.

teawithmilk

Exactly, I am overanalysing things as usual and making things into a much bigger deal than they should be. But I am so scared of getting hurt. Maybe I'm not ready to start this process again but i have to start somewhere.

tattycath

teawithmilk wrote: »

Exactly, I am overanalysing things as usual and making things into a much bigger deal than they should be. But I am so scared of getting hurt. Maybe I'm not ready to start this process again but i have to start somewhere.

Yes, TWM you do have to start somewhere. Please try not to be too over analytical. Just meet up and enjoy it for what it is. If it leads anywhere, that's a bonus, if it doesn't, at least you've been out and done something.
Everything happens for a reason-I'm a big believer in that.

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

Exactly, I am overanalysing things as usual and making things into a much bigger deal than they should be. But I am so scared of getting hurt. Maybe I'm not ready to start this process again but i have to start somewhere.

It's very understandable to feel like this.

If you can, you need to think of each meet-up as a one-off - not "Is he going to like me and want to keep on meeting me?" but "I'm going out tonight for a nice evening".

If it's a one-off (remember you might not like him!), that's fine. Keep it casual and don't have any great expectations.

teawithmilk

My self esteem is so low at the moment. I'm worried that the first bit of positive attention I get I will rush into something unsuitable. at least i'm aware of this andthe little voice in my head will hopefully kick in and tell me to be cautious.

For example: one of the blokes on this site just emailled me and said i looked "stunning" ...well I've never been described as that in my life by anyone! especially by my ex who used to put me down all the time, at first subtle-y then quite obviously telling me I had put on weight, was fat, didnt look after myself etc. I thought I'd show him, and I have been going to the gym and have lost half a stone and now weigh 8st 3 which is perfect for my height. so he can stick that up his backside......at a push I've been described as "cute" in the past so that makes me feel uncomfortable as this bloke is either a) a nutcase or b) just flattering for the sake of getting to e mail me. he probably says that to everyone.

Then I have this obsession about how I compare to everyone else on the site. Its all based around looks isnt it.

So thatmakes me think maybe Internet Dating isnt for me. I'm getting a bit too addicted to checking in to my account all the time. I realised this had got out of hand yesterday.

I need a different hobby to occupy my spare time, maybe I wll start my crochet again!

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

I need a different hobby to occupy my spare time, maybe I wll start my crochet again!

Do something where you can be in mixed company without it being an individual date - walking group, dance class, etc. You need to able to relax around men and get used to just having fun.

teawithmilk

I do love my crafty stuff but it does tend to be predominantly women there. Although i wouldnt be doing it just to meet men like some predator, obvously!

But any suggestions for a weekend activity, maybe on a saturday when he tends to have DD... was thinking of conservation volunteering, which I used to do years ago.