Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

paulineb_2

teawithmilk wrote: »

Well he has finally grudgingly promised me some of the money he owes me next week when he gets paid. He hasn't said how much. In fact it has gone on so long now that I have lost track of which bills I have paid and exactly what he owes for just utilities alone. Never mind anything towards DD. I will have to go through the e mails to him and texts which is sooo confusing as I may have lost some texts. TBH anything I get from him will be welcome and then I might just have to write off the rest and goto CSA for any ongoing support for DD. He sent me by e mail a screenshot of his bank balance just to "prove" he had no money to pay me...well, fair enough I can see he has no money (although he does have 2 current accounts so could have stashed money in another one just to make it look like his bank balance was low) but that's not the point...I am short of money but its just meant that I (actually DD and I) have had to cut back on stuff and budget and do without - c'est la vie. He just doesn't "get it"...I feel like a broken record and we are never going to see eye to eye on it.

DD was texting me at midnight last weekend (which was the night he had wanted me to bizarrely go to that event with him) so I half suspected that he had dragged her along to it but she said she hadn't been and she isn't good at lying. I think as usual he was letting her stay up way too late which is why she is exhausted all the time when she comes back from his house.

My birthday falls during the May Day bank holiday. If he waited another 2 weeks he would have the longer holidays at the end of may to take her away. That was the point I was trying to make to him. She has waited long enough to see his mum that 2 more weeks wouldn't make a huge difference. However I have decided to be the "bigger person" and I texted him to say that I was not happy about it, but, if he had to take her away that weekend, then so be it. I am not prepared to let him see that he has upset me with his stupid games. And I asked DD about it and she didn't seem bothered that she would be away on my birthday so I think I might have been a little bit big headed assuming she would be upset...she must be growing up. We can do something the next weekend anyway. And I would put money on him NOT taking her anyway and coming up with some rubbish excuse. At least he cant blame me for it that way.

I really think you should go to the CSA asap, you know you cant rely on him.

icklejulez

Definitely call CSA, they take ages to get in touch anyway so you will have some peace for a while, but what kind of man would not even offer to pay maintenance? I would just love to hear his response to you when he gets the letter... the shame you could put on him for even being offended by the claim.




The other factor is he has been aware that you would go for CSA and is actually laughing at you for not going through with it yet. Its your final step in taking back your freedom from this man and standing up for yourself.
My ex has used the 'skint' card for 6 years... That didn't stop him going abroad every few months for stag do's, new clothing, taking his GFs on expensive dates etc... Trust me, your idea of skint and his are probably miles apart.
We all believe in you, I spent maybe 3 hours reading this thread from start to finish. I hate seeing you being taken advantage of. This man made a child when it is his moral and legal obligation to pay towards the care of her!!! To be honest, if he'd been a decent man before you wouldn't be separated now.


Sort him out OP, make him grow up and realise that he has responsibilities. Any male on this planet knows they would have to pay maintenance if they were to split up. Shame on him for not even offering. Get it taken out of his wages so you don't have to beg for him money every month.
You are your own person now and you cannot waste anymore of your life on this man.

girlatplay

My ex didn't offer maintenance either. We split up when my DD was 2. He never paid a penny for 7 years. When she turned 9 I finally plucked up the courage to go to the CSA. I then realised I should have done it years ago. I didn't because of the mind control he had over me. When I finally stood up to him it was far easier than I ever imagined. Like icklejulez says, they take ages to get in touch so contact them now and that is one less thing for you to do.

NAR

TWM get onto the CSA and say that your ex is being uncooperative coming to a voluntary agreement and that you want to press ahead with a claim through them.
It is obvious he is stringing you along; it is about time you grabbed hold of the string and gave it a good yank to bring him to heel!

tayforth

I echo what the others have said; go to the CSA.

His lack of budgeting skills = not your problem.
His bank balance (though I agree, the money is probably hidden) = not your problem.

spender

He is playing games with you, in a years time it will all be different. Ride it out stick to your principles, get some formal guidelines. Don't kick up a fuss at everything because that will feed his games. Reading your thread you are a very level headed hard working and focussed person. Let time pass and things settle.

stripey1969

How are you doing TWM? xx

teawithmilk

I had been feeling sorry for myself again. Didnt want to keep coming on here and whinging abpout money all the time. Life just seems like a routine of work and looking after DD...not that there is anything wrong with that but I just have no life. I have been so busy at work as usual.

On the money front, he has paid me £100 of the £400 or so that he owes me but still no agreed monthly amount for DD. I know i am procrastinating on this still. I have just gradually been getting a bit happier, I dont know if it is the onset of Spring or something, but my mood has just lifted a bit I the last week or so. I went for a long walk on the moors one day and just though about how ar I had come in the last year..... money doesnt matter, I will chase him for it but I am so much better off in myself for leaving him that it is just a minor irritation rather than the end of my world. I dont want to spend any more emtional energy on him. Yes I should get some money off him but I'm sick of stressing about it...as long as we have food in our tummies and a house to live in I'm grateful.

My friend at work is taking me out for a girly night out tomorrow, I am starting to get a social life again.

AND.....................

Biggest news yet.....

I have a (sort of) date on Tuesday !!!!!!

egoode

teawithmilk wrote: »

My friend at work is taking me out for a girly night out tomorrow, I am starting to get a social life again.

I have a (sort of) date on Tuesday !!!!!!

Ooh good luck on the date as I was reading the beginning of your post I was thinking you should maybe try dating again and so I'm glad to see that's already happening

The best thing you can do now is try and have as little as possible to do with your ex and start living your life again. Everyone deserves happiness in their life so go out there and grab it

teawithmilk

Hi, I'm scared stiff about Tuesday. I wasnt going to say anything until next week in case it all went pearshaped, but Stripey asked how I was so I had to spill the beans..plus there are a few new threads similar to mine so I wanted to say how well things were going.

I joined Match....after my friend was bullying me about getting out again. I'm not looking forward to it........I'm thinking of cancelling the whole thing.....