Savings when seperating- scared I will lose it all

Caroline_a

teawithmilk wrote: »

I had been feeling sorry for myself again. Didnt want to keep coming on here and whinging abpout money all the time. Life just seems like a routine of work and looking after DD...not that there is anything wrong with that but I just have no life. I have been so busy at work as usual.

On the money front, he has paid me £100 of the £400 or so that he owes me but still no agreed monthly amount for DD. I know i am procrastinating on this still. I have just gradually been getting a bit happier, I dont know if it is the onset of Spring or something, but my mood has just lifted a bit I the last week or so. I went for a long walk on the moors one day and just though about how ar I had come in the last year..... money doesnt matter, I will chase him for it but I am so much better off in myself for leaving him that it is just a minor irritation rather than the end of my world. I dont want to spend any more emtional energy on him. Yes I should get some money off him but I'm sick of stressing about it...as long as we have food in our tummies and a house to live in I'm grateful.

My friend at work is taking me out for a girly night out tomorrow, I am starting to get a social life again.

AND.....................

Biggest news yet.....

I have a (sort of) date on Tuesday !!!!!!

Tea - you say you aren't bothered about the money, but you have to realise that it isn't for you, it's for your (and HIS) daughter. She is, what, around 11, 12 now? So if he only gives you £10 a week and you put it into a savings account, she will have a lump sum of several thousand pounds when she turns 18. I had a discussion with my own daughter about this - her father never paid anything, despite the CSA chasing him. That sort of money at 18 would have given her driving lessons, money for uni, etc etc. Even if she blew the lot on rubbish, it would have been HER money.

My daughter realises that I did everything that I could to get her money for her, and she understands. He used to from time to time post her a parcel, with books and rubbish from charity shops, that smelt fusty and were no use. All the time while he was still smoking, running an incredibly expensive 4 x 4... you get the picture.

So what if it upsets him? That money is hers, for you to decide whether you need it for her now, or to save for her future. As Jeremy Kyle would say - time for him to step up as a dad!

stripey1969

Good luck, let us know how it goes! x

teawithmilk

POO! he has just texted me to cancel....says something has cropped up at work. he does seem to be grovelling and says he will phone me later.

Good job I didnt make too much of an effort then!

i dont know if I can be bother with all this malarky at my age!

What do you think, just let it go or let him try to rearrange if he calls me tonight??

DigForVictory

Let him make the effort.
While you get the CSA ball rolling.

I'd love you to find a smashing fella, but I'd like you to make sure the past man in your life can't string you along with occasional payments.

Mostly as every tuppence he doesn't pay will eventually help DD understand why you left.

Gigervamp

I'd give him a chance. It's quite possible something at work has come up.

egoode

teawithmilk wrote: »

POO! he has just texted me to cancel....says something has cropped up at work. he does seem to be grovelling and says he will phone me later.

Good job I didnt make too much of an effort then!

i dont know if I can be bother with all this malarky at my age!

What do you think, just let it go or let him try to rearrange if he calls me tonight??

I would give him one chance to reschedule and if he cancels again not bother rescheduling a third time.

NAR

Of course you must give him a chance, sounds genuine to me.
"Malarkey at your age" TWM I was 50 when I started dating again. I was lucky to find a lovely lady, whom I am married to for 8 years.

Just take it slowly and enjoy your dates for what they are - adult outings! And if something more comes from it well look on that as a bonus. Good luck xx

tayforth

Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he reschedules, great. If he lets you down then, don't bother with him.

I'm so glad that you enjoyed your girly night out

BigAunty

teawithmilk wrote: »

What do you think, just let it go or let him try to rearrange if he calls me tonight??

If sufficiently apologetic and you are convinced the reason for postponing are sound, then fine.

If not, put him down as a timewaster and move on - follow your instinct and don't get caught up by another fella who promises and then doesn't deliver.

You are not a relationship 'beggar', you have a lot to offer but only to someone who is reliable. He should be trying to impress you...

Mojisola

teawithmilk wrote: »

Well, two hours time and I will be going on my first date in 23 years! Its only a coffee sdo I dont know why I'm so scared. Still, it will be a bit of a milestone for me, even if we don't get on.

teawithmilk wrote: »

POO! he has just texted me to cancel....says something has cropped up at work. he does seem to be grovelling and says he will phone me later.

What do you think, just let it go or let him try to rearrange if he calls me tonight??

As you said, it was only a coffee - not the date of the century!

Having to cancel a daytime coffee meet-up because of work isn't a big thing. Give the guy a break!