Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

justme111 wrote: »

So how did you reply to the question why can mot you pay for everything as before.

I said 'we're not together anymore and your mum is no longer my responsibility. I've continued to support her with voluntary payments, provided a car and you've had a mortgage/rent free house to live in but when people are not together they become independent just like you're going to be on your course in London. What would happen if I lost my job, you'd have to find a way. People split up every day and have to find a way to make ends meet, I don't know of any that have been a s well provided for as your mother during this difficult transitional period'

rpc

victory wrote: »

Also when the inheritences come in your ex will be living a vastly financial difference to yourself

Not really because if she continues to drag this out seeking an unreasonable settlement, then those inheritances will be included in the financial split and Jack can claim 50% of them.

kelpie35

Marisco wrote: »

Why are you giving her anything?? There are no small kids, you're separated, i.e different lives, it's up to her to take care of herself, and you to take care of yourself. Why do folk think that a lifestyle will stay the same after separation, it's totally unrealistic to even expect that!

You shouldn't have been a "soft lad" when you first split up, she should have been paying all her own bills from day one! And if she cannot afford the upkeep on the house, then she'll just have to move to somewhere she can afford. God, I hate women who turn into leeches, they give us all a bad name!

Agree 100%

Jack, now that your ex is on her own, as your daughter has moved away, can you not stop paying anything her?

She will then need to find a means of funding the lifestyle she wants. You seem to be the only person who is suffering financially.

Can you start paying your daughter and son an allowance each.

I also think that the answer you gave your daughter shows how dignified and caring you are and you deserve to be treated with the same respect you have shown to all your family.

justme111

You do what you want jack. I do not see how you reducing or abolishing payments to her would have to result in house been rented.
I would have replied shorter - because I am not her husband anymore and because even if I wanted to I could not because I have to pay for two sets of expenses now as opposed to the past.

GobbledyGook

I really think you need to get into court sooner rather than later. There's not a judge in the land who will give her everything she's asking.

Plus, even if you ended paying a bit more than people think is fair (which I can see you doing as you just seem to be too nice a guy) then at least there will be a line drawn in the sand and you'll know where your life goes from here because you'll know what you can and cannot afford.

The way it is going now you are still going to be here in 2/3/4 years time with no definitive answers.

Your ex is not going to agree to anything you say, she has shown that time and time again. Mediation and the endless too-ing and fro-ing is just drawing out the period you have to pay her the amount you currently do.

justme111

In any case you may tell your ids it is up to courts and solicitors as they decide who pays what to whom and.at this point in time they advised you to stop paying her altogether.

victory

rpc wrote: »

Not really because if she continues to drag this out seeking an unreasonable settlement, then those inheritances will be included in the financial split and Jack can claim 50% of them.

I really do hope so but Jack RS has always said he does not want to list the inheritances as 50/50?

kelpie35

This is the email I would send to your ex;

I am letting you know that from the 1st October 2014 I will be withdrawing your monthly allowance. You will have the use of the car till the lease expires (give date)

I will be sending (daughter) £300 per calender month
I will be send (son) £300 per calender month

I have come to this decision as (daughter and son) are not living in the family home.

This will be implemented until the court decides differently.


Sorry Jack if this comes across as very rude but I am so angry for you.

trevorsminted

The problem with the pay spousal maintenance until such times they remarry or co-habitate is that in some occasions they don't always fess up when the new partner has moved in and keep getting their monthly allowance!

Gigervamp

Marisco wrote: »

Why are you giving her anything??

Jack was advised to by his solicitor.


So, ex-Mrs Jack has been telling your daughter that she's having trouble getting a job. I wonder how true that is. I got a job working in a supermarket after being a stay-at-home-mum and childminder for years. My only other work experience had been when I was at school, as I'd been unemployed for a while after leaving school, then got pregnant.

The ex has had recent work experience and I bet if she had signed up to an agency, she'd have had work by now. Also, agency jobs are often short-term, so she can't say it's not worth looking for a job until she's moved south.