Separated, how much should I provide?

justme111

Aha , daughter sorted. Still I would.think.about regular payment to her. Hope you.will figure out well what to do with son.

duchy

justme111 wrote: »

Aha , daughter sorted. Still I would.think.about regular payment to her. Hope you.will figure out well what to do with son.

Daughter is at uni with all the usual student finance why on earth would Jack want to make her regular payments unless he wants her to end up with the same kind of attitude her mother has towards men and money !!!

If she needs something she'll let him know....or who knows despite her mother's example she might even get a part time job like many students do !!

Caroline_a

It strikes me that wifey is doing the 'looking for jobs she wants' rather than 'jobs she can get'. She's got to lower her sights and particularly if she wants to move areas! When I moved 200 miles away, my first job was through an agency and was envelope stuffing for a marketing firm! I can't say it was particularly stimulating, or used my degree... or my previous experience which was freelancing, but it paid the bills! It also enabled me to put a foot on the local ladder and work my way up.

She is way too precious!

19lottie82

Caroline_a wrote: »

It strikes me that wifey is doing the 'looking for jobs she wants' rather than 'jobs she can get'. She's got to lower her sights and particularly if she wants to move areas! When I moved 200 miles away, my first job was through an agency and was envelope stuffing for a marketing firm! I can't say it was particularly stimulating, or used my degree... or my previous experience which was freelancing, but it paid the bills! It also enabled me to put a foot on the local ladder and work my way up.

She is way too precious!

I agree. I finished Uni and thought I would walk in to an amazing, highly paid job, well that was a shock! Had no luck securing a perm contract as I pretty much had no office related experience, so got a job with an agency at £6.50 an hour and now 7 years and quite a few temp and 1 perm job later, I've been with the same company for 5 years, on £14 an hour with benefits.

It's not something you can just walk in to, especially if you don't have any recent experience. Agencies are the best way to get your foot in the door, definitely, but some people seem to think they are beneath them for some reason.

justme111

Caroline_a wrote: »

It strikes me that wifey is doing the 'looking for jobs she wants' rather than 'jobs she can get'. She's got to lower her sights and particularly if she wants to move areas! When I moved 200 miles away, my first job was through an agency and was envelope stuffing for a marketing firm! I can't say it was particularly stimulating, or used my degree... or my previous experience which was freelancing, but it paid the bills! It also enabled me to put a foot on the local ladder and work my way up.

She is way too precious!

Exactly. It is not up.to jack though to point it out to her or to advise her or to worry about it. Because as soon as he engages in argument on that line it is a lost battle and he comes up as a bad guy. That was what I disapproved his letter to ex and talks to daughter about - advice to stuck supermarket shelves is not likely to be received well , once one starts reasoning one gives opponent chances to come up with "buts "so better not go into that territory , specially as he has very delicate subject of relationship with children to tend to.
Duchy , he may want.to pay daughter for tactical reasons. He may want totpay her to make transition smoother. I know a few parents who pay a couple of hindered poumds aonth to children at uni , they or their friends don't.see it as something.inappropriate , I may well be.doing.it.with. my child.

JackRS

justme111 wrote: »

Aha , daughter sorted. Still I would.think.about regular payment to her. Hope you.will figure out well what to do with son.

I'm contnuing to pay £650/m which is suppose to be for my sons living costs so he should not be affected (effected?) by this change?

JackRS

duchy wrote: »

Daughter is at uni with all the usual student finance why on earth would Jack want to make her regular payments unless he wants her to end up with the same kind of attitude her mother has towards men and money !!!

If she needs something she'll let him know....or who knows despite her mother's example she might even get a part time job like many students do !!

Yes have discussed with my daughter and will help when she needs e.g. get some shopping when I visit, obviously she knows if she's in trouble to contact me. I am transfering her the monthly fee for her mobile and paid the insurance for it following MSE recomendations. This way she she builds up a credit rating and any charges over the standard she will have to cover.

rpc

victory wrote: »

I really do hope so but Jack RS has always said he does not want to list the inheritances as 50/50?

Which is fine, but the possibility might provide some incentive for MrsRS to get a move on and agree something reasonable.

As an aside, in Scotland (where I am) assets are split based on their value on the agreed date of separation. If a lottery win arrives the day after, it is excluded from the settlement. Far better than this idea of splitting assets based on the date someone finally decides to go to court, whether it be two months or two decades after the separation.

duchy

JackRS wrote: »

Yes have discussed with my daughter and will help when she needs e.g. get some shopping when I visit, obviously she knows if she's in trouble to contact me. I am transfering her the monthly fee for her mobile and paid the insurance for it following MSE recomendations. This way she she builds up a credit rating and any charges over the standard she will have to cover.

I hope she isn't an MSE user !!!
(actually I think if she read the thread it wouldn't be the end of the world -it might give her a balanced view but isn't something I'd recommend doing deliberately)

A good tip for you Jack -and other parents with kids at Uni.
On-line shopping with all the supermarkets can be delivered to any address not just your own so you could set her up with a basics shop or a top up shop plus a few treats if you know money is tight and you want to make sure they eat properly- rather than send cash to go on booze and takeaways.

JackRS

I have not received any correspondence from the court, but have just spoken to them, and have been advised that our letter was considered by a District Judge yesterday, and an order made, listing the next court hearing for the 12th January 2014.

I have retained the very good Andrew Day to represent you at that hearing (his profile link is set out below).

http://www.stiveschambers.co.uk/areas-of-expertise-detail.php?CatID=7&FN=Andrew&SN=Day&SubCatID=0

I do not yet have the paperwork from the court, so do not know exactly what the hearing has been listed for (directions or Financial Dispute Resolution Appointment – or FDR) but as soon as I receive paperwork from the court, I will fully update you.

I would hope that I can agree with her new solicitors that we need some updating disclosure, and Actuarial report, with a view to using the January hearing as productively as possible.