Separated, how much should I provide?

supersaver2

ajsexton wrote: »

Now I'm in a cheap part of the country but frankly that's more than our 3 bed house costs to run with me, my wife and baby. We run two cars, (7 and 9 years old so the older one might need replacing soon), we don't eat cheaply, and that's including £230 a month loan repayment and a mortgage repayment

Part of the problem might be because she isn't working, my wife is a term time worker and we do find our spending goes up during the holidays mainly due to my wife and daughter nipping out, shopping, going to coffee shops etc. No time to spend money if you are at work all day!

kelpie35

You have been in my thoughts Jack, so I am pleased to see you have posted again.

I do not know what to say about your post as I was really hoping and praying that you would have had a very clear indication as to what to do after speaking with your friend' friend.

Have your heard anything about a court date yet?

Have you made any arrangements about your housing needs?

Any news on the sale of your FH?

Sorry if it is too many questions, I know you have far more important things to think about.

Please take care of yourself.

RAS

The other part of the problem is that madam is charging JackRS the cost of runnign a nice 4 bedroom house in which she lives alone..............

Jack - suggest that now DD is at university and DS at GPs, you move back in and creat a couple of self contained units with shared kitchen? For the short term only.

JackRS

Her outgoings were posted on page 71 post #1532, link below: this shows 1500 but in mediation said needs 1800 as that's her income and breaks even. i have her bank statements for 3 months up to mediation so I can see where it all goes.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4556575

No court date yet spoke to solicitor a week ago when she phoned chasing her bill payment she said could be another 4 weeks before we get a date.

No haven't sorted what I'm doing for housing, either move back in the FMH if she moves south but she won't unless I give extra to cover her rent.

I can move back in to a friend’s place which will be cheaper but not great for various reasons I won't go into but as it's not likely to be short term think it'll drive me nuts.

I rent somewhere else which will obviously involve fees etc.

No news of any more interest.

ex Mrs Jack RS did email me at the weekend with a list of contents asking me to identify which items i would like. In a reply she suggested may need to drop price and if no interest rent it out.

I'm see my daughter on Friday and I'm going to tell her a lot more about the situation and what's been happening, she leaves for uni after this weekend.

RAS

JackRS

The house has been on the market too long already so is "stale."

The problem is not the price or renting it out; the problem is that any buyer with a minumum of sense will refuse to offer whilst it is subject to a divorce settlement.

They can see it was up previously and not sold and if they ask the EA for information will learn that the owners are divorcing. OK in a very competative market like London, you might still go for it but outside, particularly if you are going to be in a chain, no way. And they can see that this is obviously not an easy divorce from the length of time on the market.

Even assuming that ex treats them like long lost friends when they view. If she gives any vibes that selling is not what she really wants, they will just back off.

When you talk to DD, give her just enough and not too much and take care not to bad-mouth ex if you want to. She needs to know you both love her but things are difficult at the moment.

Hold out the hope that things will be easier long term.

justme111

As I see it your friendly person with a law background said to :
-Get your solicitor to tell you the best /worst case scenarios
-If your solicitor can not do it find the person who can (not sure who she means by councellor- barrister ? There was a poster a few pages ago who mentioned how dealing with those helped and how solicitors are no more than penpushrrs , may be worth contacting that poster )
-On the basis of the above decide whether you go for the court or try to reason /negotiate further , she listed the reasoning you could use in that letter (children grown up, potential ex's earnings )
- that you and your ex's positions are not that far apart with regards to equity split
-that you are likely to be liable for some maintenance

Not sure how it helps you.
If I were you.I would consider moving back to marital home whether ex is there or not.
I would consider cutting /tapering off maintenance
I would get in touch with a poster I mentioned above
And wait for the court

neneromanova

Why are you expected to pay for her:

Household

Telephone inc mobile 55

Food & household expenses 363

Clothing (for yourself) 50

Hairdressing 40

TV licence/sky 12

Pet food & expenses 100

Medical, dental & optical 86

Petrol, running, parking and repairs 237

Other expenses: (specify)
-biirthday/Christmas/postage =£60
-Treats, cinema, eating out etc = £100
-window cleaner= £6
-lovefilm=£5 171

It's been over 6 months now. Nothing has happened on the job front her end (Not that she's been looking by the sounds of it). How can people expect you to keep paying for your ex wife?

How can the UK courts be like this and expect you to pay for a woman who has no children with her now, no job and get up and go or anything.

And why isn't everything being split 50/50? you were in an equal marriage, as said before, she has no kids with her now, so surely it would be 50/50?

JackRS

It's been a lot more than 6 months, first financial disclosure was submitted July 2013.

I did ask my solicitor best and worst case and had the following response:

Regarding a ‘best case / worst case’ scenario, this really does depend upon the approach of a particular Judge hearing the case. Worst case for you is a lump sum to ex Mrs JackRS of £225,000, pension share to equalise income and maintenance. I do think this really would be an extremely unlikely outcome.

I am of the view (as I have said before) that a more realistic outcome would be lump sum payment to ex Mrs JackRS, no pension share (given that she is having more than 50% of the capital) and a term maintenance order.

I am of the view that your proposal set out below is entirely reasonable. If ex Mrs JackRS wants a 50% pension share and maintenance on a term basis (until pension income falls due) then there should be more of an equal split of the capital.

I realty am of the view that on her proposals put forward to date, she is effectively having it all, which cannot leave you with a sense of fairness. Yes, you may have to concede more capital than you would wish to in order to achieve your clean break, but money well spent.

ampersand

'I really am of the view that on her proposals put forward to date, she is effectively having it all, which cannot leave you with a sense of fairness'
#
How much have you paid for solicitor, and mediation, to reach this 'at-long-last' conclusion from that ludicrous, much-delayed, sham set of 'compromise'/'proposal' figures Jack?

Rhetorical question, no answer needed.

How you are still coping with this claptrap is above and beyond anything termed 'decency'.

Did you ever divulge to your solicitor what you had heard re:ex from another source? If so, did she consider it material?

'....but money well spent.' Little of it has been so far, including much spent with solicitor. I'm just feeling narky for you Jack, even more than usual.

Apologies for any nomb verbiage.

JackRS

As many readers of this thread know I am frustrated at the low value for money my solicitor is adding and so I wondered if it was possible to proceed without one and just employ a barrister for the court case? It has been suggested on here before just wondered if anyone had some relevant experience that identified the disadvantage?