My husbeast is a cretin

lostinrates

bitemebankers wrote: »

In a way, it does - not for the reasons you're trying to make out though. If you've got a lot of self confidence in the first place, sex work is not necessarily going to undermine that confidence - quite the contrary. I have a close friend (nearly girlfriend at one point last year) who directs and stars in adult films. She's an educated, middle-class professional who, some years ago, decided to double her salary and take control of her life. Previously she was a customer service manager - a job which she hated and felt demeaned by. She's much happier in her current job and the only downside is the opprobrium she faces from narrow-minded trying to "explain" to her that she absolutely must be a vulnerable and abused by men.

If you engage with and actually talk to people, you'll find that a lot of sex workers do not fit the stereotype of abused and vulnerable. Some have deliberately chosen that career and don't want or need anyone's pity. For those people, it's really very tiresome and more than a little irritating to hear these blanket assumptions trotted out as fact every time there's a debate like this.

That said, I'm not sure how much this has to do with the OP's issue, which is really one of trust and loyalty.

I agree with all of this, with a caveat. Some times, when you go back and talk to these women years after that stage in their career not all are so positive about the choices they made and the emotions they were positive about at the time. ( this btw is not limited to women in the sex industry). However, you cannot control what people do because of how they may or may not feel years down the line. The other, more immediately harmful occurrences, though not universal, are awful though.

lostinrates

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I could say some other stuff that the ladies on here wouldn't want to hear, despite it being true for most men. But as I say, ladies don't always want to hear the truth about men, just want them to be the way THEY want them to be.

Not all men ( or people )are the same, and being different doesn't necessarily make them prudish, asexual or in anyway deficient.

Perhaps if the women on here are trying to see men in a particular way then some of the men are trying equally to make us behave or accept something not in majority female nature? The way the men want the women to be?

Tropez

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

But if you go to strip clubs, you will be in an environment where a good proportion of the women working there are vulnerable, abused or exploited. And you can't get around that by saying my-neighbour-does-it-and-loves-it. Because there are an awful lot of women who don't fall into that catagory.

I'd argue though that it is a minority, at least in regards to legitimate strip clubs. Those who work in such premises generally do so of their own volition. I wouldn't even say that a good proportion of those who work there fit into the vulnerable, abused or exploited category.

However, anything that would be considered "underground" or unlicensed then I would agree, and in those cases I think it is a clear majority of workers are being abused and exploited in some way.

The truth is in virtually every single line of work there are people who suffer for it; whether that is due to the work itself, or due to outside factors where the work contributes to it. We supposedly have lots of rules and legislation in place to protect workers, but the poorest of the poor are often exploited in the work place in some way because they cannot afford to lose their job.

It doesn't make it right, of course, but I do wonder why the sex industry attracts the most condemnation over these negatives.

Joons

I wouldn't care less if my OH went to a lapdance club, so what, as long as it wasn't a regular thing and there was an explanation, ie, stag do etc then where's the harm - men look at women, men are turned on more visually that we are, that's why they like !!!!!! and magazines with gorgeous naked bodies, again, so what, I'm confident enough to know it has nothing to do with our relationship nor would it make me feel insecure. I actually know of girl friends who take their OHs to lap dancing clubs as a treat for their birthday etc....

Scorpio33

My opinion: Men are more visual than women. Men generally see attraction from what they can see, where as women see attraction by what is behind what they see.

A man can look at another person and appreciate the look of that person and not even think about personality/potential for a wife or other things. That is why strip clubs exist - men can appreciate a female form without thinking about anything else associated with that person. That is what women can't understand as they don't think that way. Same way in which a man can't understand how women will look at a man and think about how friendly / nice they are or what a dad they will be. Men often look at people of the opposite sex and admire the physical form, without even thinking "I wanna sleep with her / I wanna leave my OH for her / I wanna be with her". They can admire they look for what it is and nothing else. Women can't understand that as thier brains work in a different way.

Nothing wrong with thinking differently - one is not "better" than the other, we just need to accept that people can think in different ways.



However, the point is that what you or I think is irrelevant. In this instance, the OP clearly didn't like her OH showing a desire for other females in a place where she is present. He knew this and still did what he did - so he needs to grovel and realise how he has hurt her. It is not acceptable for him to do this as his OH didn't like it - he chose to marry her and should know how what he was doing would hurt her.

FatVonD

Judi wrote: »

Why would i want to have sex with a man who has been turned on by someone else?

Totally agree.

neverdespairgirl

Tropez wrote: »

I'd argue though that it is a minority, at least in regards to legitimate strip clubs. Those who work in such premises generally do so of their own volition. I wouldn't even say that a good proportion of those who work there fit into the vulnerable, abused or exploited category.

Go to any "legitimate" strip club and there will still be a proportion who fit into that catagory. Whether that's a "good" proportion or a "small" proportion is something I don't think is worth arguing over.

Tropez

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Go to any "legitimate" strip club and there will still be a proportion who fit into that catagory. Whether that's a "good" proportion or a "small" proportion is something I don't think is worth arguing over.

I would say why is something worth considering though and I would also say it is worth considering how much of a proportion it is when compared to other lines of work.

VestanPance

Scorpio33 wrote: »

My opinion: Men are more visual than women. Men generally see attraction from what they can see, where as women see attraction by what is behind what they see.

Men are visually stimulated, but let's be honest, if a guy wants to look at attractive women all he needs to do is sit on a bench on any high street, or get on a bus/train etc.

Tropez

VestanPance wrote: »

Men are visually stimulated, but let's be honest, if a guy wants to look at attractive women all he needs to do is sit on a bench on any high street, or get on a bus/train etc.

It is true but I actually think that is sleazier than going to a strip club, or watching the 900 channels, or something similar. The women who you find in such establishments or on such channels are consenting to being part of your fantasy for the time; some poor girl going about her business on a train and being watched is not.