Oh well I saved money on not having to buy a new outfit or a present!

nuttywoman

Threebabes wrote: »

We have had years of this of the inlaws.

They are sly and secretive. Last year we sat with them a week before they were off to visit their daughter and kids who are overseas, no mention of the cruise they were taking them all on with the 4 kids. They blatently didn't mention it. Only when SIL posted photos on FB who is on my dd's friend list did we see them. Could write a book on these kind of tricks theyve pulled.

I think it looks worse when it comes out after its been hushed up. Let them get on with it

Thats just what i say Let them get on with it !!
Last year we had rellies over from abroad and their last night they all went out for a meal with the rest of my family , we were`nt invited !! We were good enough to pick them up the next morning and take them to the airport without a mention of the family meal !!
Talk about being taken for a mug :mad:
When i mentioned it to my family i was told `it was a spur of the moment thing ` , but the said moment involved them ringing each other up !!
I`ve now told them to get someone else to be their mug :mad:
We only found out after the rellies went back home & posted pics of " Their last night with the family " meal !!

marisco_2

LEJC wrote: »

Its got me thinking though...anyone else ever felt that they have been forgotten to be told something?

I can understand you feeling a bit miffed about this. My step sister got married 18 months ago. 4 months before the wedding I asked my dad for details about where they were staying in the vicinity. Only for him to look really embarrassed and to say that I didn't have an invite. Came as a bit of a shock really.

My dad and stepmum got together 15 years ago and we all get on well. Though to be fair I dont have alot of contact with my step brothers and sister. The brides real father was obviously going to be there and that is part of the reason why we weren't invited. The joys of having a step family!

mountainofdebt

coinxoperated wrote: »

Me and my partner are hoping to get married in the very near future and intend for no more than around 25-30 people. They'll be a lot of people from my large family who won't be invited and won't be informed about the wedding and the same applies to his family. We aren't religious as such, and don't intend on having a 'normal' wedding, and I refuse to pay for 150 people to sit and eat over priced food / pay for a larger venue just so it doesn't upset 'someone'. No doubt some people will be up in arms about it, I don't really care.

I would keep shtum. Then when you visit look out for the wedding ring and mention it then! Say you don't mind that you weren't invited or anything like that, but would have liked the opportunity to wish them well. Then leave it there.

Obviously depending on the personalities involved isn't this contradictory?

I have to admit that, especially if I was on good terms with the happy couple, and it wasn't even mentioned as in we having a small whatever but you're not invited, then yes I would be miffed to the point where I would question my relationship with them.

That's not to say I would be expecting an invite though.

Saturnalia

I've remembered one - this was a pretty upsetting thing at the time, but the fact I'd forgotten it shows it really doesn't matter now.

In the run-up to my sister's wedding, I knew one weekend that the men in the wedding were going to be fitted for their hired suits. The following day I put FB on and saw pictures of the whole wedding party plus their partners in a restaurant and several pubs, dressed up and looking like they were having a great night. I was the only one missing and I was chief bridesmaid.

I couldn't really ask my sister as I didn't want to upset her but I asked my mum what had happened and she said it was a spur-of-the-moment thing after the men were done at the shop, they decided to go for a night out.

OK, so why were the women there? Why were the other bridesmaids there with their boyfriends who weren't in the wedding party and didn't need suits? Why was everyone dressed up if it was spur-of-the-moment?

I could have understood it if I was the only one from out-of-town, but the other BMs were too! So I can only assume they & their boyfriends were invited in advance, rather than coincidentally all pitching up in sister's town that weekend with clothes for a night out packed.

The way I chose to rationalise it was that at the time I had a rubbish paying job & a long way to travel and they figured I couldn't make it, it was probably arranged at quite short notice and they didn't want to embarrass me or make me feel I was letting sis-bride down by not going.

It was strange all the same.

duchy

burnoutbabe wrote: »

you could always congratulate them on their upcoming baby next time you see them, when they say eh? say "well i heard you had a quick quiet wedding, so i assumed ......."

least embarrass them!

Wow

If the OP displayed that kind of mind set it wouldn't be a surprise if she wasn't invited to family celebrations ...would pretty much guarantee her non invitation to any other family weddings or christenings in the future I reckon !

LEJC

marisco wrote: »

I can understand you feeling a bit miffed about this. My step sister got married 18 months ago. 4 months before the wedding I asked my dad for details about where they were staying in the vicinity. Only for him to look really embarrassed and to say that I didn't have an invite. Came as a bit of a shock really.

My dad and stepmum got together 15 years ago and we all get on well. Though to be fair I dont have alot of contact with my step brothers and sister. The brides real father was obviously going to be there and that is part of the reason why we weren't invited. The joys of having a step family!

I'm sure they have their resaons etc etc...and TBH its no big deal...In actual fact like ive said in other posts I wouldnt have been offended to not be invited..although your post has just reminded me...these arn't step relations they are actually the only blood relations I still have from one of my parents side of my family.


Thanks everyboby for your responses...its been a thought provoking situation... their day has come and gone and its now time to move onwards...

suki1001

Yep, this has happened to me with my dad.

It wasn't so much the not being invited to the wedding, it was a small affair, it was just the fact he didn't tell me and of course, when I was at his house I noticed the letters lying around addressed to mr and mrs.

I didn't think he would have got married and not told me, so I assumed my step-mum had just changed her name for convenience. One day when drunk I plucked up the courage and asked and he told me they'd got married several months before. I was upset he just didn't even mention it to me and because he didn't - it made for a very embarrassing conversation when I did ask. All the other side of the family knew and her children were there. It was more that he just didn't tell me - I was quite hurt at the time, humiliated maybe.

Perhaps he learnt the 3rd time, because even my mum and her husband were invited as well as his 3rd wife's ex-husband too.

aileth

We only had a small wedding. Maybe 30 people to the actual ceremony (We found the most beautiful room which they could only accomodate 30 in, and money reasons combined) and we invited the rest to the evening do.

We told everyone when and where we were getting married, regardless who they were, family friend, but said it was only for close friends/family. We are only a small family anyway.

Most didn't mind and sent us a card. However, some others seemed to take it as a slight against their character and I haven't spoken to them since, but that really made me even more grateful for not inviting them to the ceremony.

Threebabes

nuttywoman wrote: »

Thats just what i say Let them get on with it !!
Last year we had rellies over from abroad and their last night they all went out for a meal with the rest of my family , we were`nt invited !! We were good enough to pick them up the next morning and take them to the airport without a mention of the family meal !!
Talk about being taken for a mug :mad:
When i mentioned it to my family i was told `it was a spur of the moment thing ` , but the said moment involved them ringing each other up !!
I`ve now told them to get someone else to be their mug :mad:
We only found out after the rellies went back home & posted pics of " Their last night with the family " meal !!

Pleased Im not alone. We have virtually cut them out of our lives now. Only so much you can take. X

TeamLowe

every year on Christmas Eve my mum's side of the family have dinner together at Auntie M's.
we're never invited and it's never discussed, I'm not even sure if they know we know about it, even though we see them all on Boxing Day. Auntie M has once even mentioned that she cooks two turkeys but quickly covered it up saying 'i cook two cos some people like it cold and some like it warm'

It's quite possibly the most bizarre thing ever.