What would you do?

Person_one

sjc3 wrote: »

I dont think the OP should say anything. There seems to be a couple of people on here that are on a bit of a mission to suggest that the man should know about an affair. They give loads of views on how discovering an affair is apparently so damaging and all the problems it causes.

So why set that chain of events off when it could just be kept quiet. If someone makes a mistake then decides to go back to their partner is there really any need then to blow things apart and upset someone?

Better upset and in full possession of the facts than thinking you're happy when you're actually living a lie.

VestanPance

sjc3 wrote: »

I dont think the OP should say anything. There seems to be a couple of people on here that are on a bit of a mission to suggest that the man should know about an affair. They give loads of views on how discovering an affair is apparently so damaging and all the problems it causes.

So why set that chain of events off when it could just be kept quiet. If someone makes a mistake then decides to go back to their partner is there really any need then to blow things apart and upset someone?

A wonderful post in contradiction.

If affairs aren't damaging or create problems, why not admit to it?

Secondly why should the victim in this not be told of the betrayal and let them make an informed decision? It's not for the person who commits the adultery to decide what facts their partner should and should not know. That's nothing but abuse.

The only logical reason to take the don't tell stand point is by those who live in fear of their indiscretions being discovered by their partners. They must be very scared to meet an honest person who would reveal the farce they are perpetrating in front of their partner.

[Deleted User]

I personally would not tell them , it will all come out in the wash anyway and the best way of moving on would be to get on with your life and be happy , to me it just wouldn't sit right 'telling' the other person , what would my real motives be and like I said to me it just wouldn't ''feel right'' to tell them

( Should we contact any exes new girlfriend if they have mistreated us and warn them what a bratsward they are? LOL ) ;-)

Don't give this any more of your thoughts or energy , just move on girl! :-) x

Heffi1

This is probably not the majority view, but i do not think it is any of your business how those two conduct their relationship.

You made a decision about yours once you found out, tell me did someone tell you what was going on or did you discover it for yourself. If you were told by someone, then that could be the reason for wanting to tell on the other woman, but if you came to the realisation yourself then I really think you should stay out of it.

Who is to say whether they have an agreement between them.

You do not know this person so you cannot say you are saving their feelings as you do not care about their feelings like you would with a close friend or family member. You are also not there to help pick up the pieces with them either.

so if you tell it will be simply to salve your own feelings of revenge and any bad feelings you may still have should be directed towards your ex.

Keep out of it.

burnoutbabe

i would usually say yes, tell the other person but in this case, there was no actual affair, or meeting, just rude texting and some suggestions of meeting, which may well just be fantasy.

So could be no better/worse than chat lines/!!!!!! online. The whole thing is a fantasy via text,rather than any real plans to meet. One doesn't know on that score.

So in this case, I'd not say anything, because there is not much to tell and no actual sex/affair occurred. If they had been meeting regularly for sex, then yes, I'd tell. But not for some texts.

Bangton

I wouldn't tell but I'm getting a rather warped view of cheating these days. To explain, I work in an office. ..a large company and relationships between staff are commonplace. ... even when they are already in relationships. I don't agree with it but I also don't feel the need to look up their partners and make sure they know so they can make an informed choice of what to do next in the relationship. I've also encountered friends who have done it and of course can't be the one to tell their partner since I'm their friend. So my viewpoint is just to keep well well away .... I can't right the wrongs of the world and frankly don't want to. I'd just move on. ..

marisco_2

cazzap06 wrote: »

Should we contact any exes new girlfriend if they have mistreated us and warn them what a bratsward they are? LOL ) ;-)

Seriously, are you for real?

Yes most definately you should. I did just that and I am proud of my actions.

My ex was a violent and abusive man. When the police took statements from me I was told I was at their highest level of risk, that my children would be next and to leave him. When I became aware that he was in a relationship with a young woman who had a child, I let her know exactly what type of person she was involved with. Saving her and the child from all kinds of pain and trouble.

It may surprise you to know that she was approachable and wisely took on board what I said. My ex had already begun to show signs to her that he was a right nasty piece of work. My chat with her just confirmed to her what she was already suspecting.

mountainofdebt

Deanied wrote: »

My reason for telling him is not to get revenge or make him finish with her. I know that some people would put up with what they were doing as long as it hadn't got physical. My reason for telling him is so that at least I've done my part and he knows the full story. If he chooses to believe it or act upon it is up to him. I would have done my part.

Rubbish

You're probably hurting quite badly now and by telling the other partner, you're hoping that he'll thump your ex.....which is probably what you'd love to do yourself

Person_one

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Rubbish

You're probably hurting quite badly now and by telling the other partner, you're hoping that he'll thump your ex.....which is probably what you'd love to do yourself

I find it quite sad that so many people on here can't imagine doing something for unselfish reasons.

Is it so shocking that there are people who just want to make sure everyone has the right thing done by them?

duchy

peachyprice wrote: »

I'm sorry, but I just don't agree with walking into a complete strangers life, dropping a bombshell and waltzing out again.

It's an entirely different story if it's a friend or famlily member, someone you care about, someone you want to protect, but OP doesn't know these people, she doesn't care about the husband, it's a purely selfish act and is wrong IMO.

It's also quite dangerous -she doesn't know the man at all-he could be violent and turn oh her, he could be mentally unstable and commit suicide or murder his girlfriend -really moving on and having a happy life would be her best revenge.