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Punishments for nasty bullying behaviour from a 14 y/o?

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  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,152 Forumite
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    daska wrote: »
    Not all praise is flattery! I don't always agree with you :p

    It would be a sad state if everyone did agree.. most advances in science would never have be made!
    LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14
    Hope to be debt free until the day I die
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  • Bluemeanie_2
    Bluemeanie_2 Posts: 1,076 Forumite
    thorsoak wrote: »
    The boy (aged 14) delivered a "man's punch" to his 10 year old sister.

    I knew I would be flamed for my views and I accept that my views are not very PC - but I stand by them!

    I wouldn't punch him back, but I'd give him a damn good hiding!
    I'm never offended by debate & opinions. As a wise man called Voltaire once said, "I disagree with what you say, but will defend until death your right to say it."
    Mortgage is my only debt - Original mortgage - January 2008 = £88,400, March 2014 = £47,000 Chipping away slowly! Now saving to move.
  • Loulou2010
    Loulou2010 Posts: 13,245 Forumite
    pigpen wrote: »

    DS3 has been shadowed this morning which is why I was willing to allow him to do normal things within the house. The problem with ASD's is they don't often associate stuff today with stuff from yesterday or last week or tomorrow... he is all about right now and today.


    Hopefully our chat this evening will be effective :D

    so that chat should have happen when he hurt her? obviously give him time to calm down but a day or two later, he wont remember why he flipped.

    i have aspergers too and meltdowns are part of that. what you described with all the work going on in the house would be unsettling and set off my anxiety. i imagine it may be the same for him. plus other little things throughout the day and then the cat escaping was the final blow. i'm not excusing his behaviour but i can kind of see how it happened.

    does he have trigger points?things that make him anxious? maybe the best way to prevent it happening again is to look at that rather get the police to talk to him about something he cannot (possibly) control. once you have identified them then work out ways around it. obviously when he does do something like this, he needs to know what he has done is wrong but it needs to be dealt with here and now and not days later (cant remember when it happened sorry) :o.
    "I have learnt that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one"
    "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
    Maya Angelou
  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,152 Forumite
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    Loulou2010 wrote: »
    so that chat should have happen when he hurt her? obviously give him time to calm down but a day or two later, he wont remember why he flipped.

    Easy enough to say but he had gone to school before she told me and then she was at her dads until after bedtime so no, th talk couldn't have happened when he hurt her. That was explained very early on in the thread :)

    i have aspergers too and meltdowns are part of that. what you described with all the work going on in the house would be unsettling and set off my anxiety. i imagine it may be the same for him. plus other little things throughout the day and then the cat escaping was the final blow. i'm not excusing his behaviour but i can kind of see how it happened.

    So can I.. I am struggling with it, but it has to be done.

    does he have trigger points? breathing it seems some days! things that make him anxious? maybe the best way to prevent it happening again is to look at that rather get the police to talk to him about something he cannot (possibly) control. once you have identified them then work out ways around it. obviously when he does do something like this, he needs to know what he has done is wrong but it needs to be dealt with here and now and not days later (cant remember when it happened sorry) :o.

    We had a nice chat about it this evening and have hopefully found a way forward now.. :D .. Thank you
    LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14
    Hope to be debt free until the day I die
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  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,152 Forumite
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    Bluemeanie wrote: »
    I wouldn't punch him back, but I'd give him a damn good hiding!

    And he would pick me up, move me out of the way and laugh at me!!!! He is 6 inches taller than me.. smacking his bottom is well and truly a thing of the past! lol It wouldn't have worked when he was 4 so there is no chance now!
    LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14
    Hope to be debt free until the day I die
    Mortgage-free Wannabee (05/08/30)
    6/6/14 £72,454.65 (5.65% int.)
    08/12/2023 £33602.00 (4.81% int.)
  • poet123
    poet123 Posts: 24,099 Forumite
    I work with kids and young adults who are on the spectrum, and it is sometimes very draining. I really take my hat off to the parents who cope with that 24/7, work, run a home and have other children to care for and marriages to sustain. I am not sure I could do it.

    They are the unsung heroes of society as far as I am concerned. And there are so many of them out there quietly getting on with it.
  • neverdespairgirl
    neverdespairgirl Posts: 16,501 Forumite
    bigmaz wrote: »
    I agree with smacking, not beating, but smacking. My sister went with the whole "reasoning" thing with her kids, and they turned out as brats :P I went for the small smack, and have only ever had to do it a few times, and I can actually control my kids.

    I've no passionate view against smacking a bit from time to time, but I don't think it's necessary, either.

    I've never smacked my son, who is now 7, but he's not been free of discipline, and behaves very well indeed. I can certainly control him.
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
  • neverdespairgirl
    neverdespairgirl Posts: 16,501 Forumite
    thorsoak wrote: »

    I just wonder when she gets time to sleep! :D

    She probably doesn't get any time to sleep at all! Sounds a very busy life indeed.
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
  • Treevo
    Treevo Posts: 1,937 Forumite
    j.e.j. wrote: »
    Seems a bit unfair. Some of the older kids may have left home by now, anyway! Who are we to say.

    Unfair? You really can't win here!
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
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    Kayalana99 wrote: »
    I was actally pretty annoyed about this thread eariler but its getting quite funny now...you all seem to have very strong views about this 14 year old who you've never met, who as far as the maj of you are concerned (I do appreicate some of you do have some understanding of this) has a disablity none of you have any idea about!

    Shouldn't that be "Has a disability Kayalana has no idea about" ?

    Several contributors don't just "have some understanding of it" but live with the problems of Aspergers each and every day and understand exactly where PigPen is coming from.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

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