Punishments for nasty bullying behaviour from a 14 y/o?

pigpen

Joons wrote: »

He's probably best not seeing his dad if he thinks that, he sounds a lousy father.

He doesn't go every time they are supposed to but it is important he has a relationship with both parents and if he chooses not to see him when he is an adult that is his choice but until that time I will encourage him to go. Trying to get any of the older ones to go is a battle, the older 2 only go when OH and I are going to visit OH's family who live away from here so maybe one weekend every 4-6 weeks.

Joons

pigpen wrote: »

He doesn't go every time they are supposed to but it is important he has a relationship with both parents and if he chooses not to see him when he is an adult that is his choice but until that time I will encourage him to go. Trying to get any of the older ones to go is a battle, the older 2 only go when OH and I are going to visit OH's family who live away from here so maybe one weekend every 4-6 weeks.

Yes it is I suppose but he still sounds lousy as a parent and your son actually `knows` he hates him?

starnight_2

pigpen wrote: »

He doesn't go every time they are supposed to but it is important he has a relationship with both parents and if he chooses not to see him when he is an adult that is his choice but until that time I will encourage him to go. Trying to get any of the older ones to go is a battle, the older 2 only go when OH and I are going to visit OH's family who live away from here so maybe one weekend every 4-6 weeks.

I agree he's a lousy dad to you ds, but you should know if ss asked him if he wanted to see his dad hey would take his wishes into consideration. I told ss at 14 I never wanted to see my dad again the judge in the custody hearing said it was my choice. Eventually though my father and I found a sort of middle ground and started to rebuild are relationship before he passed away.

I'm glad all three of you could sit down and come to a mutual agreement on consequences to behaviour.

Kayalana99

I was actally pretty annoyed about this thread eariler but its getting quite funny now...you all seem to have very strong views about this 14 year old who you've never met, who as far as the maj of you are concerned (I do appreicate some of you do have some understanding of this) has a disablity none of you have any idea about!

Yet he is now classed as a child, young adult, violent...yet not one of you other then our dear PP actally knows him.

I think PP should be applauded and given sound advice for coming onto this fourm and asking whats best to be done...some mothers would of just ignored the problem complety...PP has done one step more then actally punishing her child but come on here for help....

daska

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I was actally pretty annoyed about this thread eariler but its getting quite funny now...you all seem to have very strong views about this 14 year old who you've never met, who as far as the maj of you are concerned (I do appreicate some of you do have some understanding of this) has a disablity none of you have any idea about!

Yet he is now classed as a child, young adult, violent...yet not one of you other then our dear PP actally knows him.

I think PP should be applauded and given sound advice for coming onto this fourm and asking whats best to be done...some mothers would of just ignored the problem complety...PP has done one step more then actally punishing her child but come on here for help....

Personally I have more respect for Pigpen's advice than many other posters - it's usually well reasoned and sound and let's face it she's got a damn sight more experience of parenting than the most of us LOL.

Treevo

daska wrote: »

Personally I have more respect for Pigpen's advice than many other posters - it's usually well reasoned and sound and let's face it she's got a damn sight more experience of parenting than the most of us LOL.

I don't really like this way of thinking because I don't think it tells the full story. This will probably be seen as an attack on Pigpen - it's not, like you said she's usually one to give sound advice.

I think you need to separate the two issues - on the one hand, Pigpen gives some good advice to others, but on the other - she's in a situation that many people consider to be irresponsible.

Frankly, I wonder how anyone with ten children (plus bump) manages to do anything other than look after them, let alone give advice to others.

j.e.j.

Treevo wrote: »

Frankly, I wonder how anyone with ten children (plus bump) manages to do anything other than look after them, let alone give advice to others.

Seems a bit unfair. Some of the older kids may have left home by now, anyway! Who are we to say.

thorsoak

I take my hat off to Pigpen! OK - may not approve of her acceptance of swearing/foul language - but she has coped with a less than happy marriage, its breakdown, is bringing up her family - with a couple of the children with disabilities of one sort and another AND insists that the non-resident parent accepts his responsibilities as a father; has married again and started another family and successfully integrated all the children into one home .....would that more could do that!

I just wonder when she gets time to sleep!

pigpen

the older have left and have children of their own. I have spent half the day trying to get DD1's hv on the phone after a long discussion with her and her OH we all feel she has pnd and needs further support so I don't shirk my responsibilities just because they are considered adults.

I don't do much other than look after them .. We have 45 minutes of daily physio, blood tests at least 4 times a day, 2 or more appointments every week. working with schools to get coursework done. Currently moving the 2 younger girls to a more competent primary. Sorting DD2's prom and college place.. on top of homework and rebuilding half the house. Factor in school runs, assemblies and cooking, I just about manage to keep on top of the laundry! and I wouldn't swap it for the world.

At the moment I am spending a fair chunk of time sitting and knitting and delegating tasks I cannot do, so loads of time to post here and fb!

Please don't flatter me with praise... most parents do a cracking job.. parenting is hard work regardless of how many children you have or how old you or they are. We all want the best for our children and a happy future.. we are all the same even if our views differ.

daska

Not all praise is flattery! I don't always agree with you