a mess

teaandcupcakesplease

rhapsody_princess wrote: »

Did you get pregnant to prove a point to your fling/affair? No

Did he try to end it? You're reaction was to show you didn't need him i.e get pregnant? No, no

Your partner who loves you seems like an easy option and you were craving the chase?

No

As I said previous posts it as exciting but wrong

Paddles

fannyanna wrote: »

First of all I actually agree with you about not telling your OH. I think it would do more harm than good.

...
I'm not condoning your affair but I do think that relationships can survive one. But this all depends on you. So far your actions have not shown that you have completely put this affair to bed (bad choice of words I know) and can move on 100%. I say this because up until now you have chosen to maintain contact with this man. If you can completely end this and move on with your life then I wish you every success.

However, if you keep thinking about this man or somehow can't shake the idea of this affair (basically leave the door open for it to happen again) then I think you need to seriously consider your relationship and have an honest discussion with your partner.

I agree with the above. I don't really see what your partner will gain from you telling him now, it seems cruel. That said if you can't stop thinking about the other man then maybe it does mean you really don't love your partner enough (or in the right way) to be with him, and that's not fair on either of you.

bodmil

I can't imagine how you're ever going to feel passionate about your husband if you are still communicating with past flings? No wonder there's little excitement.

teaandcupcakesplease

I'm not anymore

ruby-roo_2

marisco wrote: »

Sorry OP but it is coming across loud and clear that it is all about 'me,me,me' in your mind.

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

One of the worst things about having an affair, it seems to me, is that you are taking all the decisions for your partner as well as yourself.

You chose to have an affair. Your decision. Your conscience.

But he's not chosen to stay with a woman who cheated on him for a year, and then to have a baby with her. Because he didn't know.

Making those decisions for him is out of order IMO.

I agree with mariscos comments because of all the reasons raised in neverdespairgirls post. By not being honest with your partner, you are making decisions for him which if he knew the truth, he would most likely not be happy with.

If you can live with that then so be it. It is not how I could conduct myself or treat someone I was in a relationship with. I would also hope very much that no-one would treat me like that

victory

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

I'm not anymore

Not in the physical sense, but emotionally you are elsewhere and not dedicating all your love/time/efforts/care/ to your loyal partner

marisco_2

Are you married to your partner OP? Or will you also let him make the commitment one day of marrying you without knowing the truth?

The commitment of having a child is far bigger than that of a marriage. Even so to let someone take vows and trust you when you have not been honest with them seems wrong in my eyes.

teaandcupcakesplease

victory wrote: »

Not in the physical sense, but emotionally you are elsewhere and not dedicating all your love/time/efforts/care/ to your loyal partner

Yes and I don't want to be hence the original post

Primrose

Just accept that it's probably human nature feeling that a part of you still belongs with your former partner and it's hurful that he's moved on so quickly but you are right. He probably is a serial womaniser and sooner or later his next partner will get hurt too. Just put the best parts of your former relationship to the back of your head and count it as one of life's experiences, accepting that you're in a new chapter now and the past is the past. Keeping in contact with him is like picking at a part healed scab. Hard though it is, you will heal more quickly if you cease contact and stop torturing yourself with what he is doing now.

thorsoak

With respect, t&ccp, you came on this board, wanting advice about your mess ......when you post on a public forum, you will get all sorts of advice.

You seem to want to expurgate your guilt here - but you object when people criticise your actions/motives.

Have you actually spoken to your OH, and told him about the affair? Are you going to be honest with him? It will be difficult for you to keep this to yourself forever, you know.

And life with a young baby can be tedious and unexciting ....what will happen when next you crave excitement?