a mess

aileth

marisco wrote: »

I question how good your relationship with your partner is. If it meant anything to you then you could have spoken to him, found ways to improve your sex life and be really close and intimate. How does jumping into bed with another man give the one you are meant to love any chance of proving to you how things could be between you?

You gave up on it all for what seems like a quick thrill. You dont do that to someone who you love, have a child with and plan to spend the rest of your life with.

I think you need to be honest with yourself about how you truly feel. For your sake, your partners sake and the babys. Living a lie will be awful for you and I cant help but think that is what you are doing.

Brilliantly and eloquently put, Marisco.

teaandcupcakesplease

I know im a bad person and i know ive done wrong, Im trying to fix it. I dont want to be jelous of his new mistress, or how happy he is. I dont want to be like that I could have continued with the affair if i really wanted to but i didnt as ultimetly i knew it was wrong and that i wanted it to work out with my partner. i am going to discuss the bedroom stuff with my partner (he knows there is issues here)

Im not looking for sympathy but im not looking for abuse either, im just looking for an understanding as to why after a year i feel upset and jelous of the new mistress . i dont want to feel like that. x

victory

If you say all that is wrong within the relationship is the lack of passionate sex then surely to save what you treasured so deeply and did not want to live without you would have sought out the answers rather than bed another man?

In this day and age there is a huge amount of information you could have googled in the privacy of your own home, alone if needed and then tried to bring it into the bedroom or discuss with your OH.

The library could have helped/magazines/counsellor/youtube/friends you name it you had it at your disposal instead you gave it to someone else?

marisco_2

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

Im not looking for sympathy but im not looking for abuse either, im just looking for an understanding as to why after a year i feel upset and jelous of the new mistress . i dont want to feel like that. x

No-one is abusing you OP. People are expressing disdain in your actions, they are hardly worthy of a pat on the back are they. I think few people will be able to understand why you feel upset and jealous of a man who cheats and his mistress or be able to help you justify those feelings to yourself.

teaandcupcakesplease

marisco wrote: »

I question how good your relationship with your partner is. If it meant anything to you then you could have spoken to him, found ways to improve your sex life and be really close and intimate. How does jumping into bed with another man give the one you are meant to love any chance of proving to you how things could be between you?

You gave up on it all for what seems like a quick thrill. You dont do that to someone who you love, have a child with and plan to spend the rest of your life with.

I think you need to be honest with yourself about how you truly feel. For your sake, your partners sake and the babys. Living a lie will be awful for you and I cant help but think that is what you are doing.

your right, i have nothing i can say to this as your absolutely right. x

teaandcupcakesplease

thanks for the advice people.

victory

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

I know im a bad person and i know ive done wrong, Im trying to fix it. I dont want to be jelous of his new mistress, or how happy he is. I dont want to be like that I could have continued with the affair if i really wanted to but i didnt as ultimetly i knew it was wrong and that i wanted it to work out with my partner. i am going to discuss the bedroom stuff with my partner (he knows there is issues here)

Im not looking for sympathy but im not looking for abuse either, im just looking for an understanding as to why after a year i feel upset and jelous of the new mistress . i dont want to feel like that. x

A person who made a mistake rather than a bad person, a person that could have hurt so badly a relationship that according to you you want to keep and save and be in if your OH found out he would be beyond devastated and for what? because you cannot talk to your partner about sex?

Write it down then, write him a letter, goggle some pages, gets some hints and tips, make him a video of yourself talking and chatting about how you feel etc and let him watch it, there was masses you could do.

You chose to end it, you chose to become pregnant and give your relationship another go, you are going to be a mum, you owe it to your future to cut all ties and look forward, not to the past

Joons

Marisco is right of course, you can't possibly love your partner - perhaps the bit on the side has now given you a taste of what it feels like to be cheated on.

If you were that desperate for sex, instead of shagging behind your OH's back, you could have tried to fix the problem with him or invested in a vibrator lol.

Can't say I have much sympathy for you I'm afraid, you reap what you sow.

victory

You saying you could have continued with the affair if you had wanted to is not helping with the sympathy or understanding towards you, comes across as you not grasping the damage you could have caused ....

aileth

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

im just looking for an understanding as to why after a year i feel upset and jelous of the new mistress . i dont want to feel like that. x

Were you in love with him? It sounds like more than just a quick fling if this is how you feel if I'm honest.

Edit: And adding on this, picture your OH in the arms of another woman. Does that bring up the same emotions?