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a mess
Comments
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teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »i want to but he wouldnt entertain it.
x
You can go alone.0 -
If your partner and what you shared with him had meant anything to you then you would not have gone behind his back and had the affair in the first place. Getting involved with someone else rather than talking through any issues with your partner does nothing to solve them. It just adds more mess into the equation. It also shows no respect to someone who loves and trusts you or any concern over how devestated they would be if they ever discovered what was going on.
When you called it off with the affair why did you continue to keep in contact with him through texts and facebook? To call something off means to cut all contact, not to continue things as you have. Sorry to be blunt, but to me those actions show utterr contempt for your partner.
Most people, before deciding to have a baby with someone, are focused on a lifetime commitment to them. I would very much hope that your partner felt that way about you before making the decision to start a family. Why would you let someone take that huge step with you when you clearly dont genuinely love them?
If you did love your partner you would not be feeling jealous about, or be infatuated with a guy who you refer to as a waste of space, a serial offender and who you know fullm well will cheat on his current squeeze down the line. He sounds awful I really do not understand your attraction to someone like that. I cant fathom why you feel broken hearted over him.
Does your partner deserve to be treated so badly?
no he doesnt deserve any of it. i know it may be hard to understand/agree but i do love my partner. x0 -
neverdespairgirl wrote: »Does your partner know about the affair?
Have you had full STD testing?
no he doesnt and yes i have x0 -
Thomas_Hardy wrote: »You can go alone.
im just so embarrassed to talk about it but something needs to be done and i think i will go alone. Im guessing i can get a number of the internet?0 -
I think you should tell him.
One of the worst things about having an affair, it seems to me, is that you are taking all the decisions for your partner as well as yourself.
You chose to have an affair. Your decision. Your conscience.
But he's not chosen to stay with a woman who cheated on him for a year, and then to have a baby with her. Because he didn't know.
Making those decisions for him is out of order IMO....much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.0 -
Going in for therapy regarding your sex life alone, at least to start with, would allow you to identify exactly what it is that you miss about the relationship you had during your affair, and might give you some starting tips to help you improve your sex life with your partner.
It can't be a case of you saying 'things need to change' then waiting for it to happen. You need to identify some things you can do to increase the passion and intimacy in your relationship without making him feel uncomfortable or pressurised. I suspect if you struggle to call it sex on a web forum you might need some help being more open about what you'd like to do for your partner and what you'd like him to do for you...If you lend someone £20 and never see them again, it was probably £20 well spent...0 -
neverdespairgirl wrote: »I think you should tell him.
One of the worst things about having an affair, it seems to me, is that you are taking all the decisions for your partner as well as yourself.
You chose to have an affair. Your decision. Your conscience.
But he's not chosen to stay with a woman who cheated on him for a year, and then to have a baby with her. Because he didn't know.
Making those decisions for him is out of order IMO.
harsh but true. i wont be telling him though. x0 -
teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »no he doesnt deserve any of it. i know it may be hard to understand/agree but i do love my partner. x
Actions speak louder than words and your actions would suggest otherwise.The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.0 -
mumonashoestring wrote: »Going in for therapy regarding your sex life alone, at least to start with, would allow you to identify exactly what it is that you miss about the relationship you had during your affair, and might give you some starting tips to help you improve your sex life with your partner.
It can't be a case of you saying 'things need to change' then waiting for it to happen. You need to identify some things you can do to increase the passion and intimacy in your relationship without making him feel uncomfortable or pressurised. I suspect if you struggle to call it sex on a web forum you might need some help being more open about what you'd like to do for your partner and what you'd like him to do for you...
absoluelty right. - thankyou x0 -
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