a mess

zzzLazyDaisy

Gillyx wrote: »

Why are you still in contact with him? Be fair and true to you partner and father of your child. Cut all contact, facebook, text messages whatever else. It doesn't seem that you are more than happy with your current situation if you're still pining after him.

This is such good advice. By keeping in touch you are just pouring salt on the wound and preventing it from healing. You made your choice and so did he, but it doesn't necessarily mean that all feelings automatically cease.

Say a last goodbye (if you must) and then block him on fb, and block his number on your phone (if it doesn't have the facility, you can download apps for this on smartphones, or change your number). You will be surprised how quickly he becomes a distant memory once you stop all contact.

Then concentrate on your own relationship. You are pregnant so things in the bedroom department may be less passionate (some men are scared of hurting you or the baby), and you'll probaby find that once the baby is born there will be a period where you are just too exhausted to be bothered. But once things return to normal, you can start to put more focus into your love life too.

One thing at a time - cut those ties, the continued connection is taking away energy, and focus from your relationship with your OH. The lover is in the past, leave him there for your own sake.

aileth

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

your absolutely right it is making me miserable. I have now deleted his number and deleted him of fb. x

Well done you, you will feel so much better for it. Now you need to try not to cyber-stalk, it can be tough when you've been very emotionally involved. Sit on your hands

teaandcupcakesplease

aileth wrote: »

Well done you, you will feel so much better for it. Now you need to try not to cyber-stalk, it can be tough when you've been very emotionally involved. Sit on your hands

yes i think thats why im in the state im in because i cyber stalked.:o

ninadam

Good for you for deleting him!!!!!!xxxxxxxx

thorsoak

Shall we get down to the nitty-gritty?

1. Does your OH know about your affair?

2. If so, does he know that you are still in contact?

3. Is your OH the father of your baby?

4. Do you intend to stay with your OH once the baby is born?

If the answer to 1,3 and 4 is yes, and the answer to 2 is no - then how would YOU feel if the positions were reversed?

If you really want to make a go of this relationship, you should severe ALL CONTACT with your erstwhile lover - block him on f/b, block his no on your phone and delete all texts that you have stored.

But maybe you should be looking at what is lacking in your current relationship that made you go seeking excitement elsewhere - and maybe you should be considerng setting up home for yourself and your baby on your own.

Yes, your ex bit on the side may be a bit of a rat ....but it does take two to tangle, and it doesn't sound as if you put up much resistance to him!

Thomas_Hardy

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

by passion i mean exciting S%X its a difficult subject for us both to talk about believe it or not. I have said to him we need to sort that out as i believe its the only thing thats wrong.

No my partner knows nothing. I really want to be with my partner, happy with my choices and excited about our future i just dont understand why i am so jelous of his new mistress!! i dont want to feel this way. x

Given that you can't even say the word, it does seem you both have an issue with sex. Have you looked into seeing a sex therapist?

teaandcupcakesplease

thorsoak wrote: »

Shall we get down to the nitty-gritty?

1. Does your OH know about your affair?

2. If so, does he know that you are still in contact?

3. Is your OH the father of your baby?

4. Do you intend to stay with your OH once the baby is born?

If the answer to 1,3 and 4 is yes, and the answer to 2 is no - then how would YOU feel if the positions were reversed?

If you really want to make a go of this relationship, you should severe ALL CONTACT with your erstwhile lover - block him on f/b, block his no on your phone and delete all texts that you have stored.

But maybe you should be looking at what is lacking in your current relationship that made you go seeking excitement elsewhere - and maybe you should be considerng setting up home for yourself and your baby on your own.

Yes, your ex bit on the side may be a bit of a rat ....but it does take two to tangle, and it doesn't sound as if you put up much resistance to him!

Your absolutely right i wouldnt like it if it was the other way about. Ihave brought up the subject of S$X with my partner even though its particularly difficult for us both to speak about. i thought about waiting till after baby is born to discuss things in the bedroom department (only cos im knackered and hes worried about hurting baby) my partner knows we need to address this.

I can honestly say that whilst it takes 2 to tangle i was vunerable (not an excuse) and the first time ever in my 10 year relationship that i strayed and i DO NOT intend to do it again!. xx

teaandcupcakesplease

Thomas_Hardy wrote: »

Given that you can't even say the word, it does seem you both have an issue with sex. Have you looked into seeing a sex therapist?

i want to but he wouldnt entertain it.
x

marisco_2

If your partner and what you shared with him had meant anything to you then you would not have gone behind his back and had the affair in the first place. Getting involved with someone else rather than talking through any issues with your partner does nothing to solve them. It just adds more mess into the equation. It also shows no respect to someone who loves and trusts you or any concern over how devestated they would be if they ever discovered what was going on.

When you called it off with the affair why did you continue to keep in contact with him through texts and facebook? To call something off means to cut all contact, not to continue things as you have. Sorry to be blunt, but to me those actions show utterr contempt for your partner.

Most people, before deciding to have a baby with someone, are focused on a lifetime commitment to them. I would very much hope that your partner felt that way about you before making the decision to start a family. Why would you let someone take that huge step with you when you clearly dont genuinely love them?

If you did love your partner you would not be feeling jealous about, or be infatuated with a guy who you refer to as a waste of space, a serial offender and who you know full well will cheat on his current squeeze down the line. He sounds awful and I really do not understand your attraction to someone like that. I truly cant fathom why you feel broken hearted over him.

Does your partner deserve to be treated so badly?

neverdespairgirl

Does your partner know about the affair?

Have you had full STD testing?