a mess

marisco_2

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Have you had full STD testing?

This is a very important point. Some STDs can be dangerous to an unborn baby. You really should get checked out for the sake of yours and the babys health.

VestanPance

What a shame for the poor OP's partner.

Not only has he been cheated on, but now it's gone as far as fathering a child with someone who withheld that information from him without him deciding he was happy to continue the relationship. The fact you can['t talk over your bedroom issues between you screams of problems to me. If you can't talk with that of a partner of 10 years then communication is broken between you. That's no grounding for a good relationship.

Also deciding to sort out issues after having a baby is a horrendous decision. These things should be sorted before having a child, not after. It sounds to me like you may have thought a child would be a relationship fixer, or be a distraction from the person you cheated on your partner with. The problem exists before the kid, it'll exist after it's born too.

marisco_2

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

what do you suggest i do to suggest otherwise? I agree he doesnt deserve what i did to him. It s over and has been for a year, i know i was wrong, im not proud of it. so what do you suggest??

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

problem is, even though i ended it, even though i know its wrong hes a waste of space and did the right thing (eventually) i now find myself really upset and jelous he is with someone else and that when i ended it he found someone so quickly?? why am i so broken hearted when actually i am more than happy with my decision to work it out with my partner and have our baby?

You are kidding yourself OP. If it were over then you would not feel any of the above.

You are betraying and lying to a man you say you love and who you have let father a child with you. You potentially risk making a complete fool of him.

It is not on to do that to someone you claim to love.

teaandcupcakesplease

VestanPance wrote: »

What a shame for the poor OP's partner.

Not only has he been cheated on, but now it's gone as far as fathering a child with someone who withheld that information from him without him deciding he was happy to continue the relationship. The fact you can['t talk over your bedroom issues between you screams of problems to me. If you can't talk with that of a partner of 10 years then communication is broken between you. That's no grounding for a good relationship.

Also deciding to sort out issues after having a baby is a horrendous decision. These things should be sorted before having a child, not after. It sounds to me like you may have thought a child would be a relationship fixer, or be a distraction from the person you cheated on your partner with. The problem exists before the kid, it'll exist after it's born too.

no no no!! having a kiddie is not a relationship fixer i know that. Basically what it boils down to is S$X with the affair was amazing, with my partner it isnt. Thats it. shallow or not thats what it meant to me.

teaandcupcakesplease

marisco wrote: »

This is a very important point. Some STDs can be dangerous to an unborn baby. You really should get checked out for the sake of yours and the babys health.

i have and did BEFORE I was pregnantx

VestanPance

You're treating your partner like dirt.

You've cheated on him. You haven't confessed to him what you did, so that he can decide if he still wants to be with you. You then maintained contact with your bit on the side. Then you decided to have a child with him despite with holding that key information.

I can only assume you didn't tell him as you know he'd leave you. You've not sorted anything, have created a bigger mess and sound like a ticking time bomb until you go looking for that missing bit of excitement again.

aileth

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

no no no!! having a kiddie is not a relationship fixer i know that. Basically what it boils down to is S$X with the affair was amazing, with my partner it isnt. Thats it. shallow or not thats what it meant to me.

Imagine what your partner would think if he heard you say that!

neverdespairgirl

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

no no no!! having a kiddie is not a relationship fixer i know that. Basically what it boils down to is S$X with the affair was amazing, with my partner it isnt. Thats it. shallow or not thats what it meant to me.

So tell him that. Your partner, I mean, not the serial adulterer.

fannyanna

Oh dear. I'm trying hard to be sympathetic to your situation and I don't want to come across as judgemental as that is not helpful.

First of all I actually agree with you about not telling your OH. I think it would do more harm than good.

Why did you stay in contact with the man you had an affair with? I think this is an important question and one that you really need to think about and be very honest with yourself. If you don't want to open up and be honest on here that is fine but at least be honest with yourself.

I'm not condoning your affair but I do think that relationships can survive one. But this all depends on you. So far your actions have not shown that you have completely put this affair to bed (bad choice of words I know) and can move on 100%. I say this because up until now you have chosen to maintain contact with this man. If you can completely end this and move on with your life then I wish you every success.

However, if you keep thinking about this man or somehow can't shake the idea of this affair (basically leave the door open for it to happen again) then I think you need to seriously consider your relationship and have an honest discussion with your partner.

marisco_2

teaandcupcakesplease wrote: »

no no no!! having a kiddie is not a relationship fixer i know that. Basically what it boils down to is S$X with the affair was amazing, with my partner it isnt. Thats it. shallow or not thats what it meant to me.

I question how good your relationship with your partner is. If it meant anything to you then you could have spoken to him, found ways to improve your sex life and be really close and intimate. How does jumping into bed with another man give the one you are meant to love any chance of proving to you how things could be between you?

You gave up on it all for what seems like a quick thrill. You dont do that to someone who you love, have a child with and plan to spend the rest of your life with.

I think you need to be honest with yourself about how you truly feel. For your sake, your partners sake and the babys. Living a lie will be awful for you and I cant help but think that is what you are doing.